Do you ever feel like the odd mum out in RL?

[ChubbyStuckForAFestiveNameBurd]

Put this here cos though it's a weaning thing it's more general.

My DS is 5months. I am EBFing him and will continue this until 6m when hopefully if I can persuade DP we will do BLW.

All of the other mums I have met have started weaning onto baby rice or purees at 4 months (17 weeks to the day, some of them!). This isn't helped by our local HV service doing weaning visits pre-4 months and not being very strong on the 6m thing at all.

I am the only one who has never tried to give formula. Everyone else is either mixed feeding and have been for ages or moaning because they want to but their DC won't take a bottle!

DS wears babygros all day. He's comfy that way, he doesn't care what he looks like, so all the nice stiff fiddly denim outfits we were given are at the back of the wardrobe. Everyone else dresses their kids up like dolls.

Obviously I'm mad cos we cosleep and use a sling ...! And as for the CIO conversations ...

I never say anything (often I don't share my own choices, esp in cases where younger babies are weaning I just smile and don't mention that we're not) but I wonder why people don't follow the guidelines, why everyone seems obsessed with their kids growing up so fast, rushing them into food, beds, clothing ... I also think were it not for the reassurance I get from MN I'd feel pressure to go along with these folk. Thankfully I know that loads of other mums take the same approach and I feel less like a weirdo but it just sits uneasily with me that these kids are DS's peers and I wonder what sort of issues we'll have to deal with as they grow up.

"it just sits uneasily with me that these kids are DS's peers and I wonder what sort of issues we'll have to deal with as they grow up."

explain please

That does sound bad!

I mean if they're all being fed Fruit Shoots and sausage rolls, obviously!

tbh you just wont notice these things as they grow up when they weaned is not something that shows ont he outsied at all..as to mixing only with people just like you youdont really want to do that eiyther do you?

No, no ... oh I think it's come out all wrong ...

It sounds like you are fishing for compliments on your parenting style.

I have no idea what you mean by peer issues.

there are lots of things on a spectrum you arent partucluarly odd at all

Sorry, what's CIO?

My DS is only 8 weeks, not had much chance to mix with other mums, but my mum and my MIL are doing a good job of making me feel odd, though my mum is generally great she does wonder why DS doesn't get water, why I will wait till he is six months for weaning etc

OTOH if my mum was advised to wean at four months and give me water - well I can see why she would advocate it - bit shit to bo told your parenting was wrong I suppose. But that's off-topic a bit, sorry.

Also, the guidelines for sleep - well at night I co-sleep but if DS falls asleep on me or DP we often put him down on his tummy because if we put him on his back, he wakes up instantly. Sleeps fine on his back at night, but not in the daytime.

I like you and your posts, CSB.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a cow. As another poster said you don't notice things as much when they get older. There will always be differences in parenting styles and food can become quite an issue just continue doing what feels right for your family.

OK, it's definitely come out wrong.

I know other parents think we're a bit weird doing things our way. But these same people are part of a group we'll be involved with for years now (rural setting). I'm more worried that how other parents perceive me now will colour friendships.

I feel like our way is not the norm. But from posting here I'm reassured that people all do things differently and it's accepted (here). My worry is that in RL it seems less acceptable. We might always be the weirdy hippy types.

I don't think I'm explaining it much better, am I?!

Takes me so long to type onehanded with wriggling DS!

Clara - CIO = cry it out. Thank you

I kind of know what you mean DD is 6mo & we start blw on friday!

I talk to people about things in rl as if they are the norm as they are on mnet but get looked at as if i am weird (or actually told it's weird )

like the others have said though hopefully these things will become less important later on. i guess you have to accept that people are always going to have different parenting styles to you. (not "you" specifically, "one" has to accept... etc.)

i think in rl people talk about the specifics of kids much les dont they/ whatever they do?

That's what I mean bumper - what's acceptable as personal choice/horses for courses on MN is frowned upon or treated as freakish in RL. You worded it so much better!

Note to self: Think first, assimilate thoughts, transfer to typescript, hit 'post' button.

theres usually a a little enclave of like minded punters you can find whatever ure like tho isnt there just might tak e baiu tof diging or in fact does it reallymatter if u get on woith them in other ways?

Hi, CSB, I live in the sticks and I'm pretty much the only person I know who has done all the things you mention - but the people I know are pretty easy-going and don't press their views on me if I don't do likewise with them.

I have had a few, ah, discussions with my hv re weaning at 4m and topping up with formula, but nothing too incendiary.

Interestingly, with dd1 I was much more anxious about being seen as abnormal in some way, but having seen how happy and healthy she has always been, I had no such qualms with my second.

Stick with what feels right to you and I think you won't go far wrong - people (who are worth knowing) will respect that you are doing your best for your child and, in general, won't harass you for it.

Maybe you need to meet some more like minded people. It's not healthy for any of you to live in an environment where you are made to feel so different. I felt like that when I first moved to my area but have now met many like minded individuals and it is such a relief!
I think on here there is a general attached parenting/ pro breastfeeding vibe which of course does not reflect the whole of society. Is that what you meant?
I think what you are doing sounds normal. Except stopping b/f at 6 months-wouldn't you consider carrying on?

i guess you just notice the things that are more salient to you on mnet, you can kind of filter out the stuff you don't agree with and gravitate towards the people who have a similar style. it's hard to do that in RL. sorry for the lack of caps! also holding a wriggly baby and typing 1 handed!

I know what you mean. You may always be seen by others in your village as a "weirdy hippy" but that is not necessarily bad, at least you are a weirdy hippy who is doing her best mum . Amongst my mum friends everyone has their own unspoken label, one mum is the "extended breastfeeder", another is the "organic only mum" we have "neurotic mum" "scummy mum" (she openly admits that they wear dirty clothes) I think I am "stressed mum" as ds is testing my patience at the moment. As your lo gets older the differences will seem smaller but you may encounter different differences such as whether you allow playstations etc but we are all unique and have our own style it would be boring if we were all the same. If you really feel they are on opposing wavelengths try and join a m&t group where you are more likely to meet more like minded people.

As long as you are doing what you feel comfortable with and baby is happy then I would not worry about what anyone else is doing. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. I don't dress dd up like a doll but I do dress her in the morning as I think it gets her into a good morning routine. Just do what you are happy with.

(Must admit, I had a few 'oh, she must be hungry' or 'is she still not in her own room' type comments, but would just smile sweetly and say 'no' and that was that, heh heh).

Always.

For my DD's 2nd birthday party the food was mainly fresh fruit- satsumas, grapes, kiwi, apple- cheese, and veg (dipping style) with some cakes. The other mothers thought I was weird (this was back in 1988- I was before my time ) All the parties we were invited to supplied white bread sandwiches, sausage rolls, crisps and chocolate etc with orange squash full of E numbers

My DCs were brought up vegetarian. We got some quite nasty comments from other mums about that.

I dressed my DD in neutral colours and we had nothing pink and frilly.

As they grew up they didn't get the "must have" toys everyone else had.

Fortunately we were never really part of a community so friends were transient and I don't think the children ever felt we were odd. I have always felt odd though. It really has helped to find MN and know that other people are out there

Well yes, Santa, this is true. I might not agree with someone's choice in RL but of course I don't comment, there's probably loads I do that people disagree with but they say nothing! So, no it doesn't matter. But in a small community like ours I feel a bit like our parenting choices now are going to affect how people perceive us.

"Johnny can't come and play on Saturday, " translated as "Oh my god she's the weird one who carted her baby round in some sort of ... papoose ... I bet they all walk around naked at home ... I'd better not let my nice child mix with her weird brood"

Lol .

I do sort of know what you mean. (I think maybe you didn't phrase it like you meant to!) But to offer some reassurance:

In my Mums & Tots group I'm nearly always the only bfer there. I'm certainly the only one who's doing blw, certainly the only one who wears a sling and co-sleeps.

The conversations often revolved around feeding routines, controlled crying / CIO, weaning from a dummy, types of bottle teats, stuff that I didn't find particularly relevant to my experience.

And to some extent I felt left out and was nervous to talk about my parenting style in case they thought I was some weird hippie type and judged me for it.

But once I started chatting about what I do and how I work it with ds, you know what? No one did judge me (oh, okay, maybe a bit over the co-sleeping bit but I stood my ground) and in fact everyone was very interested and we had some lovely chats.

(One of the other Mums even bought a sling!)

And the other thing was once we got talking we realised that at the end of the day we all had one thing in common; we wanted to do the very best for our lo's. We just had different approaches to reach that goal.

I have found that these things get easier as your kids get older, simply because parents loom less and less large in the scheme of things. From the end of infant school, they have been making their own decisions about playdates and my role is reduced to providing a few basic snacks and disappearing into the back room. Which simple task I can perform without shocking their mates too much. It's not my personality that counts anymore, it's theirs (breaths sigh of relief!).

I have also found that my attitude towards the other mums have changed over the years. The ones that never seemed to follow any guidelines at first mums group have turned out to have very high standards in other areas, the expert on childrearing methods has gradually acquired a houseful of remarkably unruly boys, I am not myself quite the parent I thought I'd be.....