What do you do with a child that doesn't eat and then gets ratty because they are hungry?

[Lolacat1234]

My daughter will be 3 in April.

She doesn't eat meals except maybe dinner. We are in a pattern of her just not eating breakfast (I give her choices, cereal, fruit, croissants, toast etc) and whatever i give her she eats 2 mouthfuls then leaves. Then spends the next 3-4 hours wanting snacks to the point she won't eat lunch either.

I know I just need to be firm and stop the snacks so she will eat lunch but she is horrible when she is hungry, she gets so ratty and irritable.

Any tips?

Have you tried leaving things out for her to graze on? So not snack food but healthier stuff. The sandwich from lunch, some cucumber and pepper sticks etc. She'll never sit down for a meal if she knows tasty snacks are coming.

Is she bored at the table for meals? My 3yo will eat for a bit, run round the table for a bit, eat while we read a book to her, talk to us for a bit and maybe talk to her toys for a bit. We just leave her to it, the meal takes a little longer, maybe 45 minutes tops but she does eat.

Id do a "snack tray" with bits that together hit the food groups. Babybel crackers, blueberries, mini cucumbers, breadsticks etc.

Assuming she is neuro typical I'd say she's learnt she can hold out for better.
The sooner you change this the better, though from where you are it will be hard because she will resist the change and obviously grumps will happen, but if you don't you'll have years of this. Short term pain for long term gain is your friend.
Offer two choices for breakfast once she's picked don't allow a change. If she leaves it makes it clear there's nothing more until lunch and stick to it. Repeat for each meal.
You need to get yourself into a really zen attitude to achieve this, all changes need to be given calmly, upsets responded to sympathetically but distract her don't give snacks. It will take time for it to sink in you mean business so you need to brace for a rough patch, for this reason pick an easier time (maybe after Xmas).

My dd when young was a very small eater. I used to offer little bowls of cucumber, apple or grated carrots, or cheese. She was an only child so it was much easier for me to time her meals around her hunger.

Would she eat a bit of scrambled egg in the morning? I tended to think of her meals in terms of protein, carbs and veg. So ham sandwich, and while she was waiting a bit of cucumber. Actually she would get thru a fair bit of the cucumber,apple, carrot, “while she is waiting”

She is grown up now and has a good appetite. Turns out she is a cealiac, and she says she remembers now always having a bit of a tummy ache, but thought that was normal. I’m not suggesting there is a medical reason for your daughter, but just how I worked around her lack of appetite. Maybe some children need feeding little and often.

Change the dynamic, create a mini buffet for breakfast. Visible choices, snack sized. She helps herself. Then 1 item for snack before lunch. You’ll have to do it for a week to make a difference.

For the breakfast buffet, sliced boiled egg, toast soldiers, mini sausage, little cups of fruit etc. Make it look attractive but small portions.if it helps don’t call it breakfast, we called it a hotel buffet and the change helped us at that age.

Yes, if she's neurotypical you just need to put your foot down and just offer fruit between meals for a few days. She's learnt that snacks are coming freely if she refuses to eat.

If my toddler doesn't eat all of a meal, I salvage anything that can be kept and put it on a plate on a table that she can reach and she can help herself to it later if she wants it. She gets a normal snack and then the next meal regardless of what she's eaten. She didn't eat any breakfast this morning (wasn't feeling well) but the croissant and fruit went on a plate, weetabix in the bin and then she ate the croissant and fruit later when she felt better and got her snack at almost the same time.

Thanks so much all for the very useful helpful replies! She is neuro typical I believe although very highly strung and tricky! A spirited girl my mum says! Lol. Some really good ideas I will try here - thanks all xx

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 3yo grazing for the time being. I've always been a grazer myself and if I have a choice I still prefer several small plates a day to 3 full meals. It's better that she eats and is happy than make food a battleground.

We have this with breakfast; despite her begging for it as soon as she gets up, she never eats it. We now only offer things that can keep, e.g. cubes of cheese, fruit, a croissant. Whatever she doesn’t eat just gets put in a bowl and left on on the kitchen table. When she says she’s hungry, I tell her to go and grab that. When it’s time for lunch I also serve food that can be kept and do the same thing again.

It’s when they go to their grandparents for the day that it all goes wrong!