Is 9 months old too late to teach to ‘self settle’?

[Wishedfor2021]

Hi guys!

My LO turned 9 months about a week ago. He still needs to be cradled/rocked and sang to sleep before being put down, which I would do forever if that’s what he needs of me, but I know that’s it’s affecting his ability to link his sleep cycles. If he’s not on me/next to me, the longest he will nap is half an hour and on a night time he’ll wake within an hour of being put down, then wakes multiple times from midnight onwards when we eventually give in and bring him into our bed to co-sleep.

The co-sleeping doesn’t bother me or my partner really, as long as we get a couple of hours before bed to ourselves, and I enjoy cuddling him to sleep! But I know that he needs to be able to nap longer than half hour and I need to be able to get house work/cooking done in nap times.

Now he’s 9 months, he’s able to pull himself up on the sides of his cot so if I leave him not being firm asleep, he’ll instantly get up and stand up in his cot and cry out for us. I put him down the other night (with baby monitor on) left the room for 5 minutes to get changed and he let go of the cot suddenly and hit his head on the other side which has really put me off just leaving him in there awake now! Are there any gentle ways to teach a baby of this age to self settle?

Sorry for the long post! Thank you!

Hopefully someone will be able to help. I have failed on the self settling as my four year old won’t go to sleep alone

I personally think teaching babies to self settle is a myth. My daughter never did, but once she turned about 1 she was able to sleep through the night. Not due to anything I did differently I’m sure!

Is there any way to get the housework and cooking done while he’s awake? Do you have a playpen in the kitchen?

We’ve used Lucy Wolfe’s method for getting our baby to settle for bedtime and naps. Its not been bulletproof and we’ve had blips but it worked very well for us. I wouldn’t pin all your hopes on it fixing short naps though. Mine is 10 months and has settled for naps since 6 months and still only naps half an hour at a time mostly. Best thing I’ve done is do chores when she’s awake, let her chase me round in her walker while I vacuum or sit her in her high chair while I wash up, let her play with laundry while I fold etc. Then I can use the v limited nap time to just sit with a cuppa and do nothing. I’ve stopped stressing about them so much now and it’s very freeing!

You don't need to leave him to cry to teach him to fall asleep in the cot.

Rock and sing to him as normal so he's drowsy then put him down in the cot before he falls asleep. You can pat him, hold his hand, rub his back, sing etc while he is in the cot.
If he stands up, lay him back down.
If he gets very upset, pick him up and rock him til calm then lay him back down again.

The first night might take an hour or more til he falls asleep. The second night will hopefully be less.
Expect it to take up to 10 days before you can lay him down in the cot and just pat and shush him a little to get him off to sleep.

Once he can fall asleep lying in the cot, you can reduce the amount of help you give - just have a hand on his back instead of patting. Then just standing by the cot. Then sitting in the room but not near the cot. Then at the door. Then just put him down say goodnight and leave.

Leaving him to cry it out would probably be quicker then a gradual approach but obviously not as gentle.

My sister was only saying to me today that their kid naps 2 hours, during the day, because “we made him” do that. She was disapproving of my boy just napping for half an hour, never in a cot, always in the sling, arms, pram...
Her kid goes to bed bang on 6pm. They also did that themselves, she says. My boy wouldn’t even consider bed before 8pm. Co-sleeps with me, stays asleep all night. Doesn’t get up early. Only wakes with his teeth, or if he has a cold or something.
All babies are different. My kid is nothing like my sister’s, and not because I didn’t “train” him (which I didn’t). Plus I’m different to her, too. I don’t do schedules! So, do whatever works for your baby. It is hard with the housework, etc, but I’ve never known the luxury of long baby naps!

If you have Instagram Id recommend looking up:

littlenestsleep
feedeatspeak

for sleep advice 👍🏼

Thanks for the replies everyone! I’ll give the method mentioned by @NellieBertram a go and see how I get on!

I do most the housework/cooking whilst he’s awake currently which definitely takes the pressure off me so I can relax whilst he’s napping and let him have longer naps on me/next to me. He’s not a massive fan of his high chair any more unless he has food in front of him, so may have to look into getting a playpen for the kitchen, thank you for the suggestion @seaborgium

I used just chill mamma baby course. Nothing too crazy in there - but it worked for our 8 month old when we started (she’s now 9months)

We did one night of crying for 1hour 5mins (my husband was with her patting and shhhing for most of it in and out the room

Then by night 2 the crying was 15mins - now she’s done crying by the time I’ve left the room and close the door behind me - she just turns over and goes asleep

Once the nights were good the naps in the day followed - 30mins morning nap & 2 hour afternoon nap

So it worked for us - but obviously my way involved some crying and that’s up to you to try or not