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Original poster

Partner not really engaging

7 replies

Jumperoo222 · 09/12/2021 13:21

Hi there. I feel my partner is just not really engaged in our 10months olds life. He doesn't really do much with her, unless instructed by me.. but at the same time he gets very frustrated by her...like he can't understand why she isn't a fully functioning rational person yet.

Today my partner come down with flu...so is in bed and I'm looking after baby with hangover from staff party last night...and he's getting frustrated with her being ill and grouchy...it just feels very unfair for him to be getting so pissed off when he doesn't really do much!
Sorry maybe this I'd just a rant I needed to have...I just wish he would at least be supportive to me...he just gets annoyed when I worry about the baby.
I was hoping him taking a more active role in her life (2 days a week when I go back to work in Jan) would help and be good for him but now I'm just worried about it. I know he loves her and will look after her well, but I don't think he really enjoys it all.
And advice/people experienced similar?

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 09/12/2021 13:32

Why do you think he loves her and will look after her well, exactly?

TooMuchPaper · 09/12/2021 13:39

Nothing you have said really points to someone who will look after her well to be fair. What form does his frustration at her take? Does he shout? Is he rough with her? Would he rather spend time on his phone than talk to her? He gets annoyed with you. It sounds as if neither you or the baby come particularly high in his list of priorities.

notacooldad · 09/12/2021 13:45

I wouldn't want to leave a baby with soneone who clearly doesn't want to be with them.
I find it rather worrying to be honest.
I also wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't do much anyway.

Your fella hasn't got a good look going on if he is frustrated with an ill baby. You are right to be worried.

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billy1966 · 09/12/2021 19:45

@NowEvenBetter

Why do you think he loves her and will look after her well, exactly?
This.

He clearly won't.

I wouldn't be leaving a baby with a man who is disinterested and bad tempered.

He sounds like a waste of space and a shit father.

AnimalCrossingHere · 09/12/2021 21:11

Think the previous posters here have been a bit harsh, op.

10months is very little. Some people love tiny babies, others like kids more as they get bigger and can do more. That's ok.

My partner took shared leave to look after our girl for 3months (8mnths -11mnths). He now also cares for her every Tuesday. He's not a baby person and complained she was 'black box-y' when she was very little.

It's normal to worry about how he will cope when you get back to work. He will do things differently to you, and probably you need to not sweat the small stuff like strange lunches and odd socks, but caring for her more will definitely improve his relationship with his daughter.

See how it goes. I bet by March things are really different. Thinking of you Smile

NowEvenBetter · 10/12/2021 23:58

@AnimalCrossingHere

Think the previous posters here have been a bit harsh, op.

10months is very little. Some people love tiny babies, others like kids more as they get bigger and can do more. That's ok.

My partner took shared leave to look after our girl for 3months (8mnths -11mnths). He now also cares for her every Tuesday. He's not a baby person and complained she was 'black box-y' when she was very little.

It's normal to worry about how he will cope when you get back to work. He will do things differently to you, and probably you need to not sweat the small stuff like strange lunches and odd socks, but caring for her more will definitely improve his relationship with his daughter.

See how it goes. I bet by March things are really different. Thinking of you Smile

How is your boyfriend relevant to this though? OP said her boyfriend gets ‘frustrated, pissed off at the child, unsupportive and doesn’t understand or enjoy’ the infant.
billy1966 · 11/12/2021 10:35

I don't get the not being a baby person excuse at all.

I have zero interest in babies in general, not my bag, but MY own babies, I adored.

Same with my husband, he has never shown the slightest interest in babies before or since his own.

I would think it very strange for a man to have zero interest in his own baby.

Calling them black box-y?

Very strange behaviour and would make me very wary.

Fathers build relationships with babies from day one by being a face they see close up through holding and engaging.

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