3 months postpartum

[Anothermumm]

Hi everyone,
NC, needed to get some stuff off my chest!

I'm 3 months postpartum and to be honest I'm having quite a few days in the week where I feel completely overwhelmed by everything. I am heavier than I have ever been which is getting me down (I know I have my beautiful DD to show for it and I am so grateful for this, it just sucks feeling this crap). I was never exactly a supermodel but I felt okay in my own skin and I wasn't obese (which the GP kindly pointed out I am now). I am trying to lose weight but have only managed to shift 2 pounds so far. I eat well, exercise as much as I can etc so getting disheartened to be honest. I also have lots of new red stretch marks which appeared after I gave birth so I'm feeling quite self conscious about going to an Xmas spa break with some work colleagues next week. It doesn't help I am having migraines, my periods are really heavy and I am constantly shattered too (being checked for anaemia by GP).

I feel quite isolated in general so I'm trying to get out as much as possible and have joined baby groups locally but have found the other mums aren't particularly welcoming or friendly so I have very superficial "hi, how are you?" interactions with them and that's about it. None of my friends have children yet.

Sorry, I'm not 100% sure why I'm posting this. I suppose I just wondered if anyone had experienced something similar? I have had anxiety in the past but worked really hard in my early 20s to overcome it and I am happy and content for the most part without MH struggles (I don't think I have PPD, my DH is a mental health practitioner so we have expored this avenue) I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and like I have lost myself a bit.

Thank you for reading

Firstly, congratulations on your little one!

Secondly, you're only 3 months pp! The way you're feeling is echoed by most women post partum. The post partum period is so tough and often comes as a real shock. You're definitely not alone in feeling overwhelmed by it all.

It took me a good year to honestly start feeling a bit more 'me' in terms of my appearance and just in general. It won't necessarily take you this long to feel 'normal' but the point is not to rush yourself. You've done a huge thing so you can't expect to suddenly bounce back, either physically or mentally (a few women do get their pre baby body back quickly but they are in the minority so don't let that put you down). I know your doctor is advising weight loss and you've mentioned you're eating well and doing what you can. I think 3 months pp is still so early to be adding weight loss onto your plate. Carry on being as healthy as you can manage now but don't fixate on the scales...it's something else you don't need right now.

In regards to meeting other mums, I also find going to baby groups hard. I find that I had the same conversations a million times and they tended to be 'surface level' conversations that didn't turn into friendships, until I met some local mums online. Apparently the peanut app is a good way of meeting local mums so try that? Going out and socialising a bit is worth so much when you've had a baby.

I don't know if this has helped at all but I think the main thing to say is, please just be kind to yourself and allow yourself time.

@Alitlebitsleepy thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's reassuring to know it isn't just me as lots of what I read makes me feel that way! Also my DM tells me of how she 'went straight back into her size 10 jeans' after giving birth which is definitely not the case for me! I think I probably wasn't prepared for the amount my body would change and all the other things that came with it such as the hair loss I've been experiencing recently which I hope is normal 😕

I have tried the Peanut app and messaged a few people on there who were lovely but weren't interested in meeting up or even chatting regularly for some reason. I think I'm a reasonably sociable and chatty person so not sure why although I do tend to get women saying they disliked me on meeting me before they got to know me for some reason 🤷‍♀️ must just have a miserable face 🙈.

@anothermumm oh it's so unhelpful when people talk about how they got their body back straight away. A week after I'd given birth, I visited some colleagues with my baby and one remarked that I've 'still got a bit of a belly' 🙄 how helpful is that? Some women are lucky and bounce back but they're many who struggle to lose the baby weight or who have diastatis recti...and lots of other body changes we can't see! Also hair loss is very very common. Sometimes it's just the extra hair you didn't lose in pregnancy that all comes out at once so it can seem bad but it may all just be hair you would have lost anyway. Other times people do lose more hair but in time it will come back. It's so frustrating though!!

That's a shame, but keep trying. And what an odd thing for people to tell you! I struggle to make friends too but I have found a few local mums. It wasn't until my baby was about 7ish months that I found a few people that I get on with though. Keep going out and seeing people and hopefully you'll find someone you click with.

I'm 4 months pp with my second and I am really big this time. It gets me down but know that you will lose it if you want to. With my first I was 2 stone heavier than normal until 6m and then I suddenly felt a bit more like myself and started WW and the weight really came off fairly quickly. Do not worry!

Also 3m pp with my first I was a mess. You feel overwhelmed because it IS overwhelming- nothing is crazier than having your first baby. It gets easier and more enjoyable and you will feel like yourself again- albeit a more tired and wrinkly version x

[quote Alitlebitsleepy]@anothermumm oh it's so unhelpful when people talk about how they got their body back straight away. A week after I'd given birth, I visited some colleagues with my baby and one remarked that I've 'still got a bit of a belly' 🙄 how helpful is that? Some women are lucky and bounce back but they're many who struggle to lose the baby weight or who have diastatis recti...and lots of other body changes we can't see! Also hair loss is very very common. Sometimes it's just the extra hair you didn't lose in pregnancy that all comes out at once so it can seem bad but it may all just be hair you would have lost anyway. Other times people do lose more hair but in time it will come back. It's so frustrating though!!

That's a shame, but keep trying. And what an odd thing for people to tell you! I struggle to make friends too but I have found a few local mums. It wasn't until my baby was about 7ish months that I found a few people that I get on with though. Keep going out and seeing people and hopefully you'll find someone you click with.[/quote]
Oh gosh really...some people have no tact do they!
It's good to know the body changes are normal, it was a shock when little clumps of hair started falling out about a week ago! Hopefully I will get there in time with my weight.

I went to baby group yesterday and there were a few mums who were new there who seemed friendly and got chatting so fingers crossed there will be a couple who I can at least go for a coffee with now and again or something.

Thanks again for your reply

@Heepers

I'm 4 months pp with my second and I am really big this time. It gets me down but know that you will lose it if you want to. With my first I was 2 stone heavier than normal until 6m and then I suddenly felt a bit more like myself and started WW and the weight really came off fairly quickly. Do not worry!

Also 3m pp with my first I was a mess. You feel overwhelmed because it IS overwhelming- nothing is crazier than having your first baby. It gets easier and more enjoyable and you will feel like yourself again- albeit a more tired and wrinkly version x

Thanks @Heepers it's reassuring to know there are others out there who have had similar experiences! I have done WW in the past (when I didn't really need to 😂) and it worked really well for me so I might give it a go again. It's just the sheer amount of weight I need to lose I'm finding overwhelming I think.

It really has been so crazy bringing my DD into the world. I was quite poorly after I gave birth and struggled to breast feed too so I've always kind of felt on the back foot if that makes sense. Naively I thought everything would go smoothly so the reality how hard it was was a bit of a shock I suppose. Plus DD has had terrible reflux and colic which I've just had to navigate I best I can, not the best support from HV or GP. I suppose we are all just winging it really!

@anothermumm the more you have to lose, the quicker it'll come off! Honestly I have soooo much to lose and keep eating biscuits because I'm so tired but you will get it off. Go easy on yourself, you have loads of time to shift it.

Re breastfeeding and colic- that's super tough and I feel for you. When I had dd1 I distinctly remember looking at my husband about 2 weeks in and saying WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE WE DONE? THIS IS A MISTAKE. She fed every 90 mins for months and everyone said j should stretch her to 4hrs and I was like HOOOOOW? Anyway fast forward a bit and I was enjoying it so much we had another one 😂

It IS flipping hard, it does get easier and it will feel like you imagined it would feel. And it's ok to be bigger than normal - not only OK, to be expected. You'll feel better when you get some sleep. X

[quote Heepers]@anothermumm the more you have to lose, the quicker it'll come off! Honestly I have soooo much to lose and keep eating biscuits because I'm so tired but you will get it off. Go easy on yourself, you have loads of time to shift it.

Re breastfeeding and colic- that's super tough and I feel for you. When I had dd1 I distinctly remember looking at my husband about 2 weeks in and saying WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE WE DONE? THIS IS A MISTAKE. She fed every 90 mins for months and everyone said j should stretch her to 4hrs and I was like HOOOOOW? Anyway fast forward a bit and I was enjoying it so much we had another one 😂

It IS flipping hard, it does get easier and it will feel like you imagined it would feel. And it's ok to be bigger than normal - not only OK, to be expected. You'll feel better when you get some sleep. X[/quote]
Yes it is so hard isn't it! You just need sugar to stay awake!
That made me laugh "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAVE WE DONE" DH must have told me about 10 times a day we aren't having any more in the early days 🤣
DD was sleeping so well until last week so this is probably contributing to the way I'm feeling...being up every hour makes me feel like the I'm in the first few weeks again! 😴