Setting boundaries

[NewMamaM]

Hello mumsnetters, I'm curious to see how you all feel about setting boundaries after you have had a baby. My little one is 4 months now.

We have the first grandchild on both sides and I'm really struggling with how often grandparents, aunts and uncles want to visit and see them. So much so I had to tell people to stop coming over for two weeks because I was mentally exhausted and needed a break. I feel like my maternity leave is filled with scheduling visits instead of focusing on just being a mum and bonding with my child.

Do you feel the same when you had a child? Or are my parents/in-laws extra keen?

We were left to it mostly.
I wouldn't want visitors more than once a week outside of holidays and birthdays or it gets a bit much. You need to establish routines to make your life easier in the long run.

We do alternate Sunday dinners every week and wanted to just do that but they think I'm trying to keep them away from her because it means they will only see her every two weeks. Which was the exact same amount of time we saw them when I was pregnant and even before I got pregnant.

I didn't know if I was the one being unreasonable or the grandparents.

Nobody warns you about the family drama when having a child! 🙈

I would have longed for this. Having our first child after 4 years of ivf treatment in April 2020 and it being illegal for any of our family to see him, meet him, hold him, kiss him, congratulate and support us was bloody tough. I'm not over it. And I don't think I ever will be

If you feel it's too much you need to be open and honest from the get go

Oh gosh, it's tricky isn't it. Suddenly everyone has such an invested interest once you have a child. It's understandable from their perspective but very overwhelming sometimes for you. I also find it stressful trying to balance everyone so no one feels left out.

However, boundaries are so important. Your baby is still young so that may explain why everyone is wanting to visit to much. I'd just start by saying you've got plans when people say about coming over. Maybe say something like 'we'd really love to have a bit of time just us this weekend.' and then hopefully they'll get used to the idea that they can't just intrude whenever.

Best of luck xx

You need to find a path that is comfortable for you. It’s obviously good for your baby to have close family relationships.

Alternate the grandparents each week, and maybe allow 2 extras a month for aunts and uncles, so 6 a Month? And see how that is - you just have to be firm and say what you want. If you think you are going to be leaning on them for childcare later you might want to work up go once a week for both GPS.. either way, going to their houses sometimes or meeting for coffee can help control time.