3 year old no longer sleeps....help?

[Sleepdeprived84]

For the past 9 months my 3 year old has stopped falling asleep until 9/10pm, then gets up twice a night and gets up early. Previously a great sleeper and no major changes in her life other than starting nursery at school in September. We have a set bedtime routine at 7:30 with 2 books then bed, no TV or treats. She gets into bed then sits there talking, throwing her toys around and getting up every 10 minutes. Then throughout the night she'll keep getting up and we'll put her straight back to bed but we are existing on 2/3 hours broken sleep a night. The next morning we have to force her out of bed to school and she is a total nightmare as she's exhausted and it then makes me late for work. Her behaviour at school has gone downhill and I'm totally at a loss, sleep deprived and about to get into trouble with work. Any advice?

As an update it is now nearly 10pm. Bedtime started at 7:30pm after a day full of activities. My daughter is wide awake. I sat with her until 9:30pm then gave up and since then she's been up about 50 times. No naps in the day since the first lockdown last year. She will be up at least twice tonight as well and I'm at a total loss as to what to do as it's been going on for so long 😭😭

Oh bless you this sounds so tough! It sounds like an association has formed for her of her bedroom = wakefulness. It might be worth trying to put her to bed at the time that she’s actually falling asleep at the moment for a little while - so start the bedtime routine as usual but at 8:45/9. Her body clock sounds like it may be out of rhythm so her internal “bedtime” is set for 9/10. Due to sleep hormones it is very difficult to fall asleep in the 2 hours before your programmed internal bedtime - even if you are exhausted. I would give that a go and then slowly bring the bedtime forward by 15 minutes at a time until you are at your ideal bedtime for her. Dim the lights in the house and turn off screens 2 hours before bed. I would also try to incorporate some one on one time with her before bed. She may be craving some extra attention especially with starting nursery and has realised getting up at night is a way to get that quality time. I know the late bedtime may sound unconventional but if she’s not falling asleep until 9/10 anyway then at least you can spend your evenings doing other things and not trying to put her to bed unsuccessfully which is so incredibly exhausting!

Following as I could have written this about my LO!

Yep, also following as a version of this is my life. Slightly different issues but also 3 and a bit and not slept for a few months now. Used to feel like I could give advice but now no. Also have very crappy days as a result a d behaviour is a disaster round here. My only ‘solution’ currently is that I have caved in on the nights and let him sleep in my bed. Not my preference (no judgement at all for those who do like to cosleep, I just sleep better without him there) but it at least means that my nights are marginally less exhausting because they’re not filled with tears and stress. I’m working on the theory that whatever unfathomable emotional need is driving this, if I just give the security or attention he’s after, he will at some point return to his own bed.
In the mornings he has a clock on his Yoto player that shows morning or night. Basically we have reached a rubbish but sort of manageable compromise that if he wakes before 6 (which I’ve set as the morning time) I let him play quietly in his room, but I don’t get up till 6. It doesn’t quite work in reality because he needs the toilet, and the light on and a million other things. But it has solved some of the conflict but not the actual problem itself.
Sending you much sympathy and strength.

Different things work for different kids I guess but my 3 year old son needs to be asleep by 7.15-7.30pm otherwise he will be overtired. We take him up at 6.30pm, let him play for 5 or 10mins then get him ready for bed & read books. He normally is asleep by 7pm - 7.15pm this way.
On the whole he then sleeps through to 6.30pm - 7am ish (although he hasn't slept great the last week since we moved house but I assume that'll change).
Maybe try bedtime routine earlier?

Sleeps through to 6.30am not pm obviously! *typo