Anxious about baby going to nursery

[LML40]

Hi,

My LO is due to start nursery on the 9th of March. He will be 1 year 1 week. I go back to working in London 3 days a week on the 19th of April, so I have about 6 weeks to settle him in.

I'm absolutely petrified of leaving him there from 7:30/8 until 5/6 in the evening. I haven't left him for a second since he was born (well a few hours here and there when OH took him to the park etc). but that's it!

My OH has a new business and as much as he says he will try and collect him earlier, I just can't rely on him 100%. I do have my parents, but they're looking after him Monday and Friday whilst I WFH, so can't always ask them to do it as they have a life too plus Dad is battling 2 cancers atm.

In order for me to get to the nursery by 6 I'd have to leave the office dead on 5 or 4:45 and I'm worried about delays etc. plus me having to always leave work at that time.

The whole thing just leaves me so anxious. I just worry so much about him 😞.

Can anyone provide me with some reassurance/guidance please?

Xx

I’d do some practise runs re picking up as late charges at nurses are astronomical, I think ours charges £10 for every 5 minutes after 6pm.

Definitely do some trial runs with him being looked after by other friends or family to get you both used to being away from each other for a few hours.

Ultimately nothing can really prepare you for it and you don’t know how your little one will react. Mine joined nursery when he had just turned one in March this year, he’s there two days a week 8am -5:30pm and while I feel a lot of guilt still it has been amazing for him, he needs the socialising as there are no other kids in our family, the facilities they have are incredible and to be fair even if I could be a stay at home mum I think I’d still send him in as it’s just so good for him. He loves it too.

Be strong and know that this is a really good thing for both of you. They’ll keep you updated and you’ll have settle in sessions for they start anyway. One thing I’ve had a steep learning curve of this year which I wish I’d known - nursery germs are ridiculous and unavoidable and relentless. Invest in some good vitamins for both of you and lots of calpol.

Mine loved it from day 1. She's been there a couple of months and now she goes to get her shoes first thing every morning, clearly telling us to hurry the F up and get us to nursery She's in 8-5, 5 days a week. I know we were lucky and they don't all settle in so fast but I think the majority do eventually and I suspect way more are happy from day 1 than you think - in my antenatal group that seemed to apply to about half of the babies but you only seem to hear the stereotype of the baby deposited wailing at the door. All of which is a very long-winded way of saying, try not to worry about it too much, especially as you're enjoying your last few weeks of leave with him - you might turn out to be worrying about nothing. And even if he doesn't take to it straight away, he likely will soon. Also, from what I have read, the ones that are in more settle faster so I would follow the nursery's schedule for settling in but don't be tempted to send him for less than three days past that point - the more he's in, the quicker he'll get used to it/come to love it.

Op, I could have written this few weeks ago. My son started nursery full time several weeks ago (at 1 year and 2 weeks) whilst I went back to full time work. He was my velcro/breastfed/co-sleeping baby who was never away from me since he was born. My work often overruns.

So, he is now in 7.30/8am to 5-6pm 5 days a week. I cried in the car when I dropped him off for the first time. First two weeks were a bit rough, as he was getting used to nursery, but he didn't cry as much as I thought he would.

Now 5 weeks in, he loves it. He eats well there, has good naps (and this is a baby who would only contact nap, even aged 1!). Main challenges that I found so far are:

• Endless illnesses. He picks up everything. We are now on second vomiting bug since he started. Runny nose is now a new normal. He even had croup. It will get better, but it will take a few months for their immune system to build up.
• Pick ups on day when work overruns. Me and DH worked out a system of who does pick ups/takes time off in case of illnesses and we stick to it. I would advise to have a solid plan in place who can do what on each day, not just wishy-washy 'i will try'.

It will be ok, Op 💐

I was similar in that I'd never really left DS until I returned to work when he was 13 months. I don't think leaving your LO with friends/relatives will make much difference as you have a relationship with them that you won't have with the nursery yet.

Settling in was hard. There was a lot of tears. But after a few weeks, DS did settle nicely and we've never had an issue since. Always remember that in most cases, children settle very quickly once your gone but of course that's not the part you see. You will likely find it way harder than your LO in comparison. Drop and go really is best for everyone. At the time, I wanted to pull DS out and quit work forever but honestly it was over in a few weeks and it really is best for us all.

Definitely be prepared for all the nursery bugs. They are lethal. I'm sure DS will have the immune system of an ox by the time he goes to school! But on that note, make sure you and OH have a sickness plan in place as you will likely get a lot of phone calls.

The main thing I would worry about from your post is the pickups. Nurseries charge a lot for late pickups and it will not be worth the enormous amount of stress that comes with it. I changed jobs in the end as the tight timescale was way too stressful. If you can get OH to start earlier and commit to pickups, I would consider it. At the very least, do some trial runs to make sure it's achievable for you.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate it!

@Mc3209 gosh, it's so good to hear someone who has just recently had this experience and who also sounds they have done exactly what I have with regards to breast feeding and co sleeping! I'm also pleased to hear that your LO does the long days too and he's fine. What time does he go to bed and do you feed him dinner at home? My nursery seem to have a supper time, which I assume is more than enough food wise in the evening?

I didn't even think about the illnesses.

Arrrghh! Why can't I just enjoy the time I have left and just worry about all of this when the time comes?

It does all work out in the end by the sounds of it?? I'm lucky enough to not be rushing straight to work when he starts. I have a good 6 weeks off to adjust.

I'll definitely get a plan in place re: pick ups for those 4 days.

Once again, thank you!

@LML40 I offer him food when we get home, he doesn't always eat it, but it's there if he wants it. Nursery does breakfast, substantial 3 course lunch, and sandwiches/cheese/bread sticks/fruit tea. He is asleep by 8pm on nursery days (we are still co-sleeping, I am just catching up on work stuff with laptop in bed once he is asleep). I still breastfeed overnight and in the morning. Honestly, it will be better than you think it will be 💐

Mine started 3 days a week at 13 months then soon after, 4 days. He's never cried at drop off, he sometimes cries now when we have to leave the house but cheers up when we get to nursery, especially if he sees a little friend who he will often dash off with. It makes me think I spend time feeling guilty and actually he has this whole little life there packed with fun and friends. He's 19 months now and very well adapted, his speech and development have come on leaps and bounds as well.

@Mc3209 thank you so much. I think where I breast feed to sleep for naps etc. I keep worrying that he will no longer be able to have that 😞. I suppose it's just something that is worse in your head than in theory. You sound a lot like me which has made me feel a whole load better!

@EmmaOvary I love this! Thank you. Seeing these kinds of replies really does put my mind at ease. Xx