Can't cope, need a handhold

[feelinglonely1]

I recently had a baby and she's four months old now. Since I had her I've had crippling anxiety, particularly surrounding covid and socialising.

Yesterday, I turned down a group invitation as I was worried about it - but we did see my DH's sister instead. Now that group has messaged to say they are angry at me and that I should have popped by as I was so close.

I feel like I've alienated all my old friends with this and I don't have any of my old friends who are mums, so they don't really understand.

I have some mum friends but I've not known them long and don't feel that close to the em.

Alongside this my relationship with DH is struggling. He's getting very angry about my anxiety and finds it really frustrating to the point we argue all the time.

I'm on antidepressants already but they're not helping. I just feel like if I didn't have my amazing little girl I would just want to end it all.

I feel like I'm so alone and failing at everything.

You need to get some more counselling and better treatment. Tell the health visitor how bad you feel, and you should be referred for more help. On a practical level make sure you have had all the vaccines to help take some pressure off mentally.

How much do your friends know about the anxiety you're experiencing? If these friends are not parents the reality is they are going to have a hard time understanding how enormous it is to suddenly have responsibility for a tiny person. 4 months is still very little and is a notoriously difficult bit too. I suspect you'll feel better to say to your friends how much you miss them and how much you're struggling and ask for their support by organising smaller get togethers, maybe with just one or two. There are psychological approaches to managing anxiety too eg CBT and I wonder whether this would at least give you the feeling that you're tackling it. Ultimately, please be kind to yourself. You've had a baby during a pandemic and it's perfectly normal to find it bloody hard.