Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

I feel like my partner is playing favourites with his sons

21 replies

Lees20 · 04/12/2021 20:35

So I've been with my partner about four years. He has a child from a previous relationship and we have a son together. His son from previous relationship stays every weekend. Lately I've been noticing how irritated he is with my son. He's going through the terrible two's. His tantrums are difficult to deal with so I can understand it's just a hard time right now. I keep reminding him it's only temporary and half the time he wants me to take my child out with me so him and his other son can spend better time together.

However lately it's like hes treating one son better than the other. Today we went to a soft play. His older son asked for a burger at the soft play and a drink. He got him this. He didn't even bother buying my son any dinner. I know my son has difficulties eating these days and he doesn't want to waste his money but it was difficult when my son was pointing to the cafe and he didn't even offer to get him anything ( I unfortunately didn't have the finances this week to pay this time around, so my guilt was massive) I kept my mouth shut but secretly disapproved and waited until we got home to feed my son.

We went home and I was going to my dad's to drop off a birthday present. He told me to take my son and I made a joke about leaving him with his dad and my son didn't look all that ready to go out again and his son was protesting and so was his dad. I didn't want to disturb their time so I took him.

When I came back I seen he took his son to the shop and bought sweets and crisps and all sorts but not one thing for my son. When I treat my son when his son is there, i always make sure to treat them both equally. Again I was furious.

He works all week so barely sees his son as it is. So on a weekend when he even wants nothing to do with him. It winds me up. Yeh he treat him to soft play but I always feel like you cant buy one child without the other. Am I being pathetic here? Unreasonable? I am pregnant again so maybe my hormones are making me feel more aggy than usual.

OP posts:

shushits1am · 04/12/2021 21:50

Shouldn't it be 'our' son not 'my' son? Why didn't you just ask him to get younger son something at soft play, don't you share finances? He sounds horribly selfish

SnarkyBag · 04/12/2021 21:53

Why didn’t you raise it with him at the time? Also what’s with the financial situation where you partner has money to buy food for his son but you can’t afford to buy food for your joint child?

There’s a lot wrong with this picture

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 04/12/2021 21:56

Sadly you have got yourself lumbered with a twat.
Leave and claim Cms. That way he has to support his ds
.. Both of them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

Lees20 · 04/12/2021 22:31

Hey the reason I didn't bring it up at the time was because he's gone mad at me for asking for money before and shoved it in my face about how he helped me later so I tend not to ask for things now. Also Im sorry he is our son. that is a total habit. I was trying to make it clear which son was which.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lees20 · 04/12/2021 22:32

Also I don't get paid until next week. My wages are monthly pay so by this time I'm usually skint. Sorry about that. I never usually not buty son something

OP posts:

shushits1am · 04/12/2021 22:48

@Lees20 no don't be sorry. It just shows his attitude towards his son is what I was getting at. His money should be YOUR money as you're raising his baby with it and looking after yourself with it too, which is important. He actually sounds financially abusive and you are not overreacting. You need to put your foot down and not be afraid of him being 'mad' (unless he's hinted he would harm you in which case you should take your children and leave right away), his behaviour needs correcting before baby no.2 arrives.

SnarkyBag · 04/12/2021 23:41

You don’t need to apologise my love it’s your partner who is completely in the wrong for letting you struggle financially and for making you feel that you can’t ask him to buy his own child some food.
This is not a good relationship he is not a good man

maryberryslayers · 04/12/2021 23:42

He let your joint child go hungry when he had the means to buy him food, you don't have enough money to buy him or yourself food and are too scared to ask your partner who you live with?

To me this is abuse.

This isn't how people treat those they love.

Babyghirl · 05/12/2021 00:01

@Lee20
Take your son and your unborn child and run don't walk run, he's making a difference with the 2, don't let him have your kids on his own around his other ds if he treats your son like that with you there I hate to see what way he does when your not there 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈.

theriverrunsthrough · 05/12/2021 00:13

No you're not being pathetic OP. This would have really wound me up too.

Your partner is experiencing guilt at not having his son all the time but that should not rub off on the child that you both share. He could have absolutely bought your ds a even packet of crisps if he was worried about food being wasted/money spent - something just to show that your ds had precipitated in choosing something from the cafe.

There is a financial aspect you need to look at here OP too. You should never ever feel like you can't to buy your son your son food whilst his dad is there. If his dad can't afford it - neither of them have it.

This needs discussing as so you all can grow as a blended family because that's what you are.

theriverrunsthrough · 05/12/2021 00:17

Also OP, when you say he is getting irritated with your son - is that all the time or just when your DDS is around?

RobertSmithsLipstick · 05/12/2021 00:20

This is just bloody awful.
No way I could stay where one child is being blatantly left out.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 05/12/2021 00:22

I am pregnant again

Jesus. Why?

drunkcow · 05/12/2021 00:46

Op this is one of the things I won't ever forgive. You're not even dss's mother and you treat him equal, how can your partner do that to his other son, his own son? This would be a dealbreaker for me I'm afraid.

shushits1am · 08/12/2021 08:21

@FallonCarringtonWannabe

I am pregnant again

Jesus. Why?

Not helpful?

LawnFever · 08/12/2021 08:28

OP there’s a lot wrong here, money should be family money irrelevant of if you’ve not been paid yet - your DP should buy food for both children!

He sounds financially abusive, and yes he’s definitely treating the children differently.

I think this says a lot about your relationship as a whole, he doesn’t sound like a good parent or partner.

nimbuscloud · 08/12/2021 08:32

Have you family support? You know there is nothing right about this relationship don’t you?

Elieza · 08/12/2021 08:41

I can’t understand how your partner doesn’t see what he is doing is wrong.

If parents don’t have money for food at soft play and are there when the kids are hungry they either both get nothing or they both get something.

I can understand not wanting to waste money on food dc won’t eat. So I’d have probably bought nothing but had snacks they would eat brought from home in the car for after. So it’s poor planning on their fathers part.

I’m also concerned about the fact you run out of money while he still has some.

Why is that happening? Are you left to pay for the child you refer to as your child (which should be ‘our’ child) out of your own money? Which will be no doubt less than he earns as your part time?

Do you have to ask him for money? What’s going on there as it’s not right and you have another dc on the way so it needs to be sorted.

What happened during your last mat leave re money? Did you have to beg for money each time you needed something? Perhaps you hoped things would be better this time but they are going to be worse if he has to do more parenting of both kids while you are left to parent the baby?
You need to talk. And he needs to listen. Easier said than done.

ToughTittyWhompus · 08/12/2021 09:40

You are, at the very least, being financially abused.

Emz1111 · 08/12/2021 12:16

I’m so sorry to hear your going there this , its not fare at all , he sounds like a narcissist, I think he is fully aware of his behaviour ,I think it’s time you stick up to him , you and your son need to be treated better , I am going threw a similar situation , I was to worried to say anything because he would get angry at me and he doesn’t stop either , he is write and that is it , I will fight now untill I get my opinion across , because there used to getting away with it , I guess your probably a kind person who would say sorry if you make a mistake and do anything for anyone with out a worry , I think these sort of people no that, now my son is older , he started to realise that my partner treats them different , it has caused arguments between my two sons , now at weekends I will take the boys out on my own , as I no they will be treated same by me .I’m not one to give advice as I’m in the same situation and it’s so frustrating and hard I feel your pain , I hope it gets better xxxxx send all my love ❤️

minniep · 08/12/2021 12:18

OP this is not normal behavior.

Flip