Toddler hell

Fritilleries · 2021-12-04T13:39:11+00:00

My boy is 3. He is driving me to a heart attack. I am on sertraline for anxiety/depression and I can feel my entire chest cavity throb with weight of stress. He has just drawn in a new library book. He spent the morning whining, whining and pestering and pestering non stop. He is relentless. He isn't like this at nursery. I'm struggling to cope. I decided to go part time so I could be a lovely mummy but honestly I feel so fcuked off all the time. My husband is brilliant, does lots etc etc. My son doesn't whine relentlessly for him, however. I don't know what to do.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shmithecat2 · 04/12/2021 13:41

A) keep drawing objects out of reach unless you're supervising and B) go back to work full time. It won't do your child any harm, and it sounds like it would do you some good.

Toddlers are savages in general, you are not alone.

manysummersago · 04/12/2021 13:42

Neither of those suggestions are particularly practical!

A third suggestion is to wait it out: it will get better

Shmithecat2 · 04/12/2021 13:45

@manysummersago

Neither of those suggestions are particularly practical!

A third suggestion is to wait it out: it will get better

Keeping pens and pencils out of a child's reach when you're not around is totally doable. And plenty of mothers of toddlers work full time, so I think that's quite possible too.

Vicky1989x · 04/12/2021 13:51

My DD is younger at 19 months but she whines constantly too. I find she gets bored quickly so take her out as much as possible. I work 3 days a week and am exhausted but I’ll do whatever I can for a quiet life

Ostryga · 04/12/2021 13:55

When Dd was 3 I spent a lot of time crying and really hated being a mother. Everything, and I mean everything, was a battle. She was a tiny horror and I used to count down till bedtime.

I can say, once she turned 4 things did start to get easier. We still have our bad days, but on the whole life isn’t so stressful and awful.

Can you afford to put him in nursery another day where you don’t work so you have a full day just for you to do as you please and recover a bit?

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 13:56

@Shmithecat2

A) keep drawing objects out of reach unless you're supervising and B) go back to work full time. It won't do your child any harm, and it sounds like it would do you some good.

Toddlers are savages in general, you are not alone.

Normally I do, except this time he managed to get the lid off the clip on box which has, up until now, been impossible for him to manage. Gah. Hoping to go back full time when he's at school.

OP posts:

Squashpocket · 04/12/2021 13:56

3 is an absolute bitch of an age, it has been by far my least favourite stage so far. Lockdown with my 3 year old nearly ended me honestly, so you have my full understanding and sympathy.

I would suggest that you do whatever you can to spend less time alone together:

More hours in nursery for him
More time at work for you
Play dates at friends houses
Get out of the house as much as humanly possible.
Get someone to babysit - pay if necessary

With the remaining time that you have in the house together:

Have a simple daily routine for everything so he knows what's coming next. Stick to it religiously
Make the time you have together quality time, focus your attention on him, play with him, give up any ideas of getting proper housework or alone time while he's awake.

It's exhausting and stressful, but he'll be at school before you know it. This too shall pass.

AliceW89 · 04/12/2021 14:00

Second everyone saying get out the house from dawn until dusk (if not beyond dusk, as that’s silly early in winter ). Solves whining in my prone-to-whining 1.5 yo DC and my prone-to- whinging 3 yo DNephew (and was the same for my 5 yo DNephew when he was younger too).

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 14:06

@AliceW89

Second everyone saying get out the house from dawn until dusk (if not beyond dusk, as that’s silly early in winter

). Solves whining in my prone-to-whining 1.5 yo DC and my prone-to- whinging 3 yo DNephew (and was the same for my 5 yo DNephew when he was younger too).

Doing what, though?

OP posts:

manysummersago · 04/12/2021 14:07

@Shmithecat2

I work full time myself. But you can’t change your contract by snapping your fingers. I mean, maybe OP can, I don’t know. But I think she wanted advice on managing her child, not avoiding him as much as possible!

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 14:09

@Squashpocket

3 is an absolute bitch of an age, it has been by far my least favourite stage so far. Lockdown with my 3 year old nearly ended me honestly, so you have my full understanding and sympathy.

I would suggest that you do whatever you can to spend less time alone together:

More hours in nursery for him
More time at work for you
Play dates at friends houses
Get out of the house as much as humanly possible.
Get someone to babysit - pay if necessary

With the remaining time that you have in the house together:

Have a simple daily routine for everything so he knows what's coming next. Stick to it religiously
Make the time you have together quality time, focus your attention on him, play with him, give up any ideas of getting proper housework or alone time while he's awake.

It's exhausting and stressful, but he'll be at school before you know it. This too shall pass.

Depending on the cost of childcare once his 30 hours kicks in, we might put him in on Thursdays. I have no friends for playdates etc.

OP posts:

AliceW89 · 04/12/2021 14:09

Park
Soft play
Swimming
Garden centre
Cafe
Pub with a beer garden
Stay and play
Bus to the shops and back

Anything really. Just whinging/pestering/moaning for the DC in my family is 100% correlated with being in the house too long.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 14:11

@AliceW89

Park Soft play Swimming Garden centre Cafe Pub with a beer garden Stay and play Bus to the shops and back

Anything really. Just whinging/pestering/moaning for the DC in my family is 100% correlated with being in the house too long.

If I take him shopping then he refuses to hold my hand. It becomes really stressful for me so I don't do much shopping. Maybe I should try more but I can't relax which leads to aforementioned chest pain.

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Nix32 · 04/12/2021 14:12

Have you tried splitting the day into chunks? Mine liked a predictable routine, so our days used to be breakfast, go out - walk to the shop/the park/watch the trains/feed the ducks, home for some playing before lunch, lunch, out again - more walking, home for playing/cooking/craft/tv, then tea and evening routine. Mine needed to be busy, so it worked for us.

fdt474 · 04/12/2021 14:12

3 is an absolute bitch of an age, it has been by far my least favourite stage so far.

@Squashpocket in what way out of interest?

MollysDolly · 04/12/2021 14:16

I know you can't always have eyes in the back of your head, but children can only do what we allow them too. If I left 2yo DTwins with pens in reach, they'd illustrate the house.

Put the TV on and watch a Christmas film. Bake something. Wrap up and head out. Give him his own pad to scribble on and watch him the whole time. I don't know how many times/how long he's at nursery each week, but you're working at least part time and (presumably) DH who he doesn't whine in front of is around at the weekends?

I think you sound quite unreasonable OP, if you're complaining about the limited time you have to look after DS. DTwins drive me to distraction sometimes, there are two of them, and I do not get a break 7 days a week as full time SAHM. DH is great when he's here but works long hours. He's working now.

If I was sharing the load at the weekends, got child free time due to nursery and/or part time job, I'd not be complaining about the remaining time I was solely responsible for them.

I'm not saying your DS isn't going through a difficult phase, but it's for limited periods.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 14:16

@Nix32

Have you tried splitting the day into chunks? Mine liked a predictable routine, so our days used to be breakfast, go out - walk to the shop/the park/watch the trains/feed the ducks, home for some playing before lunch, lunch, out again - more walking, home for playing/cooking/craft/tv, then tea and evening routine. Mine needed to be busy, so it worked for us.

We go out in mornings. Afternoons are for his naps. Mercifully still naps for 2 hours.

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 04/12/2021 14:19

He sounds bored maybe? We’ve all been there with a child drawing on something they shouldn’t, you learn from it and move on.

Shmithecat2 · 04/12/2021 14:19

@Fritilleries

Normally I do, except this time he managed to get the lid off the clip on box which has, up until now, been impossible for him to manage. Gah.

Well, look at it this way - he's improving his fine motor and problem solving skills

Hoping to go back full time when he's at school.

You'll get there. I second the suggestion that you have a day off to yourself and put him in childcare if that's an option?

Cascais · 04/12/2021 14:23

If I take him shopping then he refuses to hold my hand. It becomes really stressful for me so I don't do much shopping. Maybe I should try more but I can't relax which leads to aforementioned chest pain.

Only one of those options mentions shopping

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 14:27

Thanks everyone. Hopefully it's just a phase. I mean, I took him to a cake shop and he threw a hissy fit because I told him he was sharing a cookie with me when he wanted his own. He definitely wasn't bored because he had been playing with duplo before deciding to sit up and have a go with colouring in, just not the right boom. He must have been tired because he conked out while I read We're Going On A Bear Hunt. So here I am, in bed with a trashy Netflix film. Phew.

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converseandjeans · 04/12/2021 14:52

We used to be out by around 9.30/10 when DS was that age. Back for lunch & then out again in the afternoon.

He wouldn't sit and chill even at lunch. He wouldn't have sat with a book either! I don't think it's unusual that he's done that tbh.

Shopping isn't really ideal you need to go to:
Park
Swimming
Soft play
Bus ride
Farm type place
Take scooter out
Child friendly museum
National trust type place

It's hard work when they're that age - but as DS was pretty lively he was popular at school & once he was in reception he got invited to things so that kept him busy.

Timeturnerplease · 04/12/2021 15:50

DD1 was like this and the only thing that cured her was learning to play by herself - which happened in a baptism of fire last summer when DD2 was born! Her baby sister has a very low milk intake and faltering growth, so DD1 has had to learn to play by herself more and it has reduced the whining considerably.

I’m not suggesting you have another child, just that sometimes backing off might be the best thing to do. We do still go out at least once every day, but timed carefully so only one or two of DD2’s feeds have to happen (or not, as is usually the case) out and about, and now DD1 is much less demanding when at home.

Original poster

Fritilleries · 04/12/2021 17:13

Really appreciate people taking time to reply. Thanks. I shan't be having a second though, one is enough!

OP posts:

Dillydollydingdong · 04/12/2021 17:20

Smalls seem to think the world revolves round them, and if it doesn't, it should do. Its a battle. You just have to be strong, show who's boss (you!) and wait it out.

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