Getting the right balance

[Michlj]

Our LO is 9 weeks old. My partner and I are finding it hard to get a happy medium in our life. We adore our baby but we spend all the evenings in jumping as soon as our little one murmurs....We need to get some family outings done and enjoy him rather than sit in all the time and feel trapped especially with the dark nights. A lot of this is down to me being exhausted but its taking the fun out of it for everybody. There has to be a balance. Have you felt this way? Obviously we know its all about the bby and being there but my HV also said life cant just stop....xx

Your DC is only 9 weeks old and still in the 4th trimester. I know social media paints a picture of new mums being out and about all the time, ‘having it all’…but it’s neither true nor necessary. The lives of most parents (especially first time parents) revolve near fully around the needs of the baby. Your HV isn’t being helpful - of course life can’t stop but equally your life has changed insurmountably only 63 days ago. It takes time to adjust to that, especially when you are sleep deprived and recovering from birth yourself. It’s okay to be in the house, just existing as a new family.

Start small would be my advice - go to the nearest pub or coffee shop for a drink for half an hour as a family. Take DC to the supermarket for a few bits. Go out for walks round where you live. It really doesn’t have to be anything major with one that small.

I really don’t believe you can ‘find balance’, but more that it naturally evolves with time as DC get older, especially when they are so tiny. Good luck

Thank you Alicew89 that was really useful and kind xx

Well it depends on so many things!

The baby, the weather, the day, and the big one- how much sleep you’ve had.

I took my baby just us on the train halfway up the country to visit my parents at 8 weeks old, we line in London and have been to the pub, out for lunch, an exhibition, Kew Gardens, cinema (baby friendly screening)

It’s been great, he’s genuinely lovely company on those days.

I’ve also had days when I’ve begged him through my tears to stop grizzling so I can eat a bit of toast or brush my hair, because I’m functioning on about 35 minutes of sleep.

But it’s true that, as much as you can, it’s nice to think you don’t function purely for the baby. Try to start off small. A drink in a cosy pub in the early evening?

Small babies are really portable, pop baby in a carrier cosy and safe and go do things.

I agree with the advice to start small. Get into the habit of going out every day even if it's just a walk around the block. Both DC were winter babies and we used to go for a walk and then, assuming it was dry, park the pram in the garden and bring our cuppa outside while DC slept as at least it felt like a change of scenery. Wrap up warm and have a coffee at the garden centre or in the park. We'd try to do a bit more at weekends when DH was home as it was easier with two pairs of hands.

I wasn't very confident to start with but got much better as time went on. Go easy on yourself - not every new mum is climbing Everest with the baby in a sling or out shopping or partying every day.

Thanks everybody....Its so true - Its all dependent on sleep....I look at Mums out n about looking good and ive barley had chance to shower xx

@Michlj

I will not let DH leave for work in the morning until I’ve showered and dressed, make up on if I feel like it. Makes such a difference. That first week he went back I felt really awful as I was often still in my dressing gown at lunchtime and I hated it.

Wheeliebinprincess - Oh yes Im with you on that. Some days depending on sleep I'll be up n ready others im dying on the sofa. Its so exhausting as you very well know. I see other Mums out and think wow how do you look so good. Im passed tired now its just exhaustion at this point. Im 37 nearly 38 I wonder if I would of had more energy 10 years ago. Xx

@Michlj I really feel your pain! DS’s sleep is still all over the place at 12 weeks, I never know how much I’ll get. On a good night we can do things the next day, some days we just pop to a local coffee shop for an hour, some days we make it as far as the post box. But it’ll pass. You’ll sleep more and then you will be able to face more. Just don’t be hard on yourself.

Go easy on yourself, 9 weeks is very early.

If you haven't been out by 9 months come back for advice.

Trust yourself.

You might think that of me if you saw me out with the baby some days, but it’s a snap shot and it’s a good day where I happened to sleep for more than 3 hours the night before! It honestly is the difference. I don’t know about age or if it would be easier younger as I’m nearly 36 myself.

It all comes down to sleep.

@wheeliebinprincess awwww bless you. Some people cope really well with no sleep dont they. Im hurrendous without it. So much so im on beta blockers as no sleep triggers my anxiety to a huge extent. I ask my partner to watch him from 9 till midnight so ill get 3 hours at least....but broken sleep all night is like torture. They are worth it but wow its hard xx