Child rejecting DH?

[CoffeeChicken]

Poor DH feels rejected, our 13 week old cries every time dad tries to settle him. I try hard to stay out of it and not rush to the rescue but it's driving me bananas hearing our baby wail and wail through DH's fumbling.

Last night (DH does the nights until 5am) our child screamed so loud it woke me up through a wall and earplugs. I was informed he'd been doing it 4 hours prior and I took him, settling him in less than 30 seconds.

Of course DH is disheartened by it and feels inadequate, but child is more than happy to accept food and play from him, he just won't sleep without a huge, lengthy dramatic sob. Of course I'm so tired now my eyes ache, how can we go about fixing this?

You are your baby’s comfort.
If your hubby feels stressed baby will pick up on that. Try doing settling together - hubby cuddling, you patting?
Or have a snuggie toy that smells of you and hubby can hold it to comfort baby?

Good luck

When baby is settled and tired have your hubby carry him in a moby wrap which is a fabric wrap sling thing. My sons loved those. Wear it out on a walk so you are both somewhat distracted through the crying xxx

Your baby is unlikely to be rejecting him more likely your husband is anticipating it and your reaction and is tensing up and stressed and it is that he is reacting too.

I have always said the babies I settled the easiest (without using breastfeeding!) were not my own. Simply because I was relaxed (knowing full well I could pass them back if it got too much) and because I was enjoying a baby cuddle - I was visiting I didnt have sleep to make up, chores to do etc. I simply was happy to hold them. And because of that they feel asleep easily and happily with someone they didnt really know.

I think a wrap or a carrier is also a good idea. And with respect OP you giving your husband time to work it out without interfering - maybe during the day

Could DH try wearing/ laying an item of clothing on himself when cuddling your baby? This can help them to settle into seeping in a cot or Moses basket so may be worth a go?

A 13 week old baby needs the comfort and smell of his mother but then again men think they are all equal to mothers these days when they clearly are not.

Babies need their primary carer. Your baby need the comfort of your familiarity. You are what your baby knows not DH. Over time your baby will become more attached to his Dad but it’s you he wants and needs for now.

I agree with @Shehasadiamondinthesky.
Your baby has been inside you for 9 months and they are still tiny. You are all they know and they need only you at this stage in their life. This is natural and ok. In some cultures moms strap the child to them all day and co-sleep with baby. They are rarely apart; these babies are happy and content. My baby is 9 months old and only recently allows and prefers DH, for the first several months he wanted mom only and I was there. What is the point of everyone being miserable.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

A 13 week old baby needs the comfort and smell of his mother but then again men think they are all equal to mothers these days when they clearly are not.

Actually I'd say it's women these days who are incapable of doing nights with a baby on their own and insist the father does his "share" - presumably you are on maternity leave OP?? The baby wants his mother nothing to do with his fathers parenting

I hate to say it, but at 13 weeks baby wants you.

They know your smell and it's their safe smell. Remember they can't see well at this age, they can't move and can't do anything for themselves. They are running on instinct and instinct tells them to be close to mother as mother is the food source (they have no idea whether they are formula fed or not, instinct says mum = food)

Your DH needs to understand that it's nothing personal. Baby doesn't hate him or reject him. Baby is just a newborn and it won't be like this forever

Why on earth are you both leaving a 13 week old scream for 4 hours while you sleep?? Babies want their mums after living inside you for 9 months dads will be second fiddle until they are a bit older. It's not about rejection, they don't have the ability to rationalise like that.