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Parenting

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Original poster

Why does he hit me?

9 replies

colditzmum · 14/11/2004 23:37

i have a sweet-natured, playful 19m0 boy. When I pick him up he hits me, when I play with him he hits me, sometimes he just hits me out of the blue and runs away! I don't hit him, and I am quite sure nobody else has. Is this just a stage, and how can I make him stop? He knows it's naughty!

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Yorkiegirl · 14/11/2004 23:42

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fisil · 15/11/2004 06:45

ds has just started doing this to us, and he certainly has never seen it from us. We think it is a way of getting our attention, but more importantly it is a way of testing the boundaries (thank goodness he is testing them on us and not anyone else). So we say "no" very firmly. If he laughs (as he has taken to doing) we hold both his hands and ask him to look at us. Once he has made eye contact we tell him that it is very naughty and talk about why we don't like it. If he looks away we ask him to look again, and so on. He tries to catch the other parents attention to laugh, so we have to back each other up.

Testing the boundaries is a very important part of being a toddler. Showing the child exactly where the boundaries are is our responsibility.

ToriH · 15/11/2004 11:41

Fisil, my 18 mnth ds has been lashing out at us for a while now and there are no signs of improvement. He will come over to give us loves and this will quickly turn into either him pulling my hair or lashing out at my face. The cat has also become a casualty and I'm worried that one day the cat will have had enough and lash out too! We are very firm when this behaviour occurs (increasingly regularly), and ds will just laugh. The only successful punishment is to sit him on the floor away from his toys and tell him to stay there. We only do this for 1 - 2 mins and then go up to him and explain again that this behaviour hurts us and is naughty and that he mustn't do it. With another baby due in May 2004 I'm keen to find a more successful way of dealing with this, as I'm worried that the new baby will become a victim also. Am I right in thinking you are pg too (think we spoke in another thread?).

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fisil · 15/11/2004 19:12

Hi ToriH. Yes, my baby is also due in May. Ds loves babies, so I hadn't worried about that. I know what you mean though, he loves his dolly, but that doesn't mean he doesn't throw her down the stairs! I suppose the real reason why I hadn't worried was because May is such a way off and I am sure that this is just a phase that ds will grow out of.

One other thought. Tonight he was being bositerous, throwing himself around etc. And he kicked me in the mouth, stomach etc. while doing so. When I told him off I had the usual response. But when I ignored him, he got bored and stopped very quickly. I don't want to ignore this behaviour, but it made me realise that I shouldn't make it too big a deal, iykwim!

Slink · 15/11/2004 19:27

My dd3.5yrs does it sometimes if she gets excited but really gives a good one when we laugh at her she thinks we are laughing at her, this is coz at preschool can you believe it she will sing voluntariy and the other kids laugh.. but we reasure her it's ok,

hang in there CZ it's a faze ....i think

Fran1 · 15/11/2004 19:33

Just to make you feel better my dd did it too, it was just a phase, but what became worse though was after a while of me saying "no" when she did it, she started hitting me and then telling me no whilst frowning!!

I suggest using a different phrase like "don't do that please, because it hurts me". When i said that it was too long and waffly for dd to copy.

She just got bored of doing it in the end!

whizzz · 15/11/2004 19:35

Agree I think its testing the boundaries behaviour. DS (4) still very occaisionally does it but only for attention. If hes playing up & we are ignoring what hes doing (on purpose as part of the dealing with his behaviour)- he will often come up & take a swipe just to get us to react. We just tell him that its not nice - if he persists we do a time out.

aloha · 16/11/2004 19:25

I think ignoring it is an excellent way of dealing with this behaviour. They hate being ignored so it is an effective tool for changing behaviour most of the time. Just stop playing, walk away and ignore. If you do this every time you get hit the message eventually gets through (usually!). Also works IME for biting. It's important I think to remember they don't really understand how being hit feels to you, so it's not as malevolent as it feels but you do have to try to stop it as it isn't nice for you or anyone else.

joanneg · 16/11/2004 19:49

oh colditzmum I so relate to your problem. Ds is like your little boy.

What I will say is that he is looking for your resonse. He thinks that it is a game and doesnt really understand pain at 19 months. I understand how you feel. It can really hurt cant it!? I think that the best way to deal with it is to let him know it is naughty without giving him too much attention.

For instance - he runs over and smack you. hold him and in a low but firm voice say "dont smack it hurts mummy". and then walk away. Like everybody has said give no attention and walk away.

He will grow out of it - it is a phase I promise. Ds is 2 and is doing it less. He does slip up occasionally but says sorry and stokes me strainght away! So they do learn.

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