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Child’s friendships

6 replies

Bradysl · 03/12/2021 11:12

Morning,

Just after a bit of advice really my son started secondary school September and only moved there with two friends who I would of considered to be his best friends from primary school. Recently he has had issues with these two friends who make fun of him and apparently they do stuff to each over like push each other in bushes etc but when he does it back they turn on him. When my son gets angry they always use the line we are only joking why you getting so angry for. They make fun of silly things like the way he runs his hair etc. Since starting secondary school he seems a bit down. It all came to head the other day when my son broke one of the other boys phones. One of the boys was taking pictures of him and then putting filters on it and sending them to people and putting them on snap chat. I found out he had broke the screen as I regularly check my sons phone. I asked my son about it and he ended up in tears saying that they do things like kick his bag push him over on the way home and make fun of him that he got angry after the boy had taken pictures of him and he pushed his phone away and it fell and broke. I contacted the parent of the other boy (not the one who’s phone broke) to find out what had happened and she said yes what her son said too but apparently my son has been saying and doing mean things too to her son. I don’t have rose tinted glasses I am well aware that my son is not totally innocent and feel that the situation is more than likely all of them being unkind. The thing is it seems to be the two of them against him a lot and he says he says unkind things in retaliation. I’ve tried telling him to ignore them to laugh at himself a bit more and try not to be so angry about stuff. He says if I do that they will just think I am a push over and do it more. I also made him apologies to the boy for breaking his phone screen and offered to pay for it but the parent declined my offer. Yesterday my son was 2 mins late to meet them and they left without him. I just dropped him to school thankfully so he isn’t have to walk on his own he says it doesn’t make sense when the others are a bit late we wait for them. I guess I am just not sure how to deal with the situation do I just leave it in hope it works it’s self out or should I contact the parents of the boys. I know the mums have done for the last 7 years or will it make it worse.

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BluebellsGreenbells · 03/12/2021 11:15

Tel him to make new friends.

Generally boys are easy to fall into groups - tell him to join clubs and meet up with others.

Don’t give these two anymore headspace.

Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 11:16

Imo invite a couple of possible new friends to your home for tea. Help ds see he has options. Sadly ime secondary school sees a lot of friendship changes.. Not always easy. Dd was dumped by long standing group because she wanted to go home after they teased her because she wouldn't join in drinking alcohol.. Supplied by a dm at a sleepover..
Dd was 12. Was tough for a few months tbh but she is OK now.

AliveAndSleeping · 03/12/2021 11:22

Tbh they sound horrible and I'm not sure if just laughing it off will make them behave in a kinder way. Do they act like this only if the other two boys are togetherness? If your son meets up with only one of them is that boy kinder?

Maybe your son can try one last time telling them that he doesn't like how they treat him and that he finds it upsetting. If they don't stop then drop them and find new friends. I know easier said than done. Joining clubs, new activities might help.

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Bradysl · 03/12/2021 11:33

If he is on is own with them then things are fine. Often he walks with just one of them to school and he says things are fine then. On the way home it’s the 3 of them. The other day I see messages better a girl and my son and one of the boys they were playing kiss marry kill. The girls randomly decided to ask them to rate boys the other boy always said kill my son. I know it’s all a bit of fun marry kiss kill but seemed not very nice to aways but my son at kill. My son never replied only replied about the girls I am probably reading too much into it coz I know what else is going on.

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LunaNova · 03/12/2021 12:10

I don't have much advice OP except to say I've been in your son's shoes. My best friend growing up was always unkind to me followed up with a "I was only joking" if I got upset. It was exacerbated when we started secondary school and used to walk to school together with another kid on our street. They would always leave me behind (the other kid didn't actually know, he thought I'd already left because that's what she'd say).

All I can advise is for your son to widen his friendship circle. He can still be friendly with these boys if he wants but the likelihood is that they're just growing apart.

I had some great years of friendship with this girl - she wasn't always unkind. And we actually revived our friendship after school when we worked together. However, even in our early twenties the same characteristics were there and we ended up having a huge fall out where I wouldn't take it anymore, she constantly put me down and destroyed my self esteem. We haven't spoken since. It's really sad as we were friends for such a long time but I was fortunate that I had built a solid friendship group outside of our relationship that I wasn't completely on my own.

Bradysl · 03/12/2021 14:54

Thank you so much guys for taking the time to reply. I guess I will just have to try and encourage new friendships as much as I can.

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