The behaviour of friends child

[Bananabelle5]

Hi there,

I have a friend I've been getting to know locally. She's a lovely person but on a few occasions she's brought her son along which i did not mind until i encountered his behaviour. He's 8 and does have autism so that is a factor. He's spilled my drink, phoned police on my mobile, tried to grab my face/cover my mouth, push, kicks me when i try to speak. She tries to get him to stop but nothing very concrete. He is verbal and able to communicate well. He just wants the conversation and attention on him only. I've tried speaking to him, politely that hitting me isn't nice etc but sometimes Mum just laughs it off but I'm internally having a panic attack. I have a DD with adhd so have some awareness and know the things we have tried and tested. We have clear established boundaries and consequences which definitely can be challenging so i don't want to add pressure to her situation

I have not enjoyed the last few occasions of meeting her with him present. Especially the looks and comments from the general public. I have social anxiety and it has taken me hours to calm down afterwards.

I don't know what is most appropriate. I don't want to lose a potential friend, I don't have any and this was my first real attempt at trying to make friends. Would it be reasonable to ask to meet kid free? although childcare is often an issue for her.

I don't want to come across judgemental at her parenting methods nor am i qualified. Any other input would be appreciated

My first thought was could you meet at her house when she has no childcare so that her son could be distracted by something he enjoys instead of being out and about which he may find quite stressful?

Yes, that should be an option in future when her partner returns to workplace than at home.

You may like her but she's not much of a friend if she laughs when her child hits you.

Best bit of advice someone ever gave me was that you can't pick the bits of people that you like and expect the unwelcome bits of their personality to go away. She's very unlikely to change.

If you really want to salvage this friendship then I'd say something like 'Johnny doesn't seem to like it when we get together, let me know when you're around next for a child-free coffee'.

I'd widen your net and start looking for other friends rather than sink your emotional energy in to this one. You deserve better.

Meet at her home?
Meet in the evenings when he would be in bed?

Do not comment on her parenting!

I would avoid that kid like the plague, autism or not. What if he really hurts you? If you can’t meet up without him there I would really give this friendship a miss. You can be sympathetic to someone, you don’t have to stay around to be hit by them.