Exhausted 2 under 2

[Inthesky42]

Hoping you can help. Struggling with my 4 month old and 23 month old and feel like I'm constantly failing them!
4mo has reflux and going through sleep regression so still feeds (bf) every 1.5hrs and when not feeding can be quite unsettled so often needs to be walked around / rocked. Tried putting her in baby carrier but she's only happy in there if she's due a nap otherwise she screams and cannot be calmed down. DS (23mo) initially was lovely to his sister but I think recently has realised he'll have to share me forever and is constantly telling me to put her in her cot or put her down so I can pick him up or have him sit on my lap and read stories etc. He basically only wants one on one time with me and doesn't like sharing me with his sister. I also feel guilty every time I'm having to tell him I can't so x or y because I'm trying to settle her.
I'm wondering if some lovely mums have experienced similar and what you did to get out of this rut and also whether you have any suggestions of activities they could both do together that might help them bond a bit? Also please tell me it gets easier!!

We do not have quite such a close age gap so hopefully someone who does will be along with better advice! But I wanted to say this absolutely will get better - its so hard for a toddler to bond with a baby who is not doing much yet. My Ds is now 15 months & its so much easier for his 3yr old sister to bond with him now he can play etc. Also, you must be exhausted, I remember being so tired when Ds was 4 months - once you start getting a bit more sleep I think things will seem much easier - is there any way you can get a break to sleep at the moment - will the 4month old take an expressed bottle?
In terms of activities I found this very limited while baby Ds was so young. We used to have quiet time in a dark room with a star projector, a torch for the toddler & some calm music. We used to play with a shallow tray of warm water & boats etc (obv supervised carefully). We would get all the musical instruments out & play them together, and we would watch baby club on iplayer together with bubbles, scarves etc. We spent a lot of time on walks but DS would go in the sling so Dd could have the pushchair when she got tired, not sure if that would be possible for you.
Good luck & keep going, you’re doing a great job getting through it!

Oh it gets so much easier! I had a gap of 17 months between mine. They’re 2y8mo and 15 months old now. The first few months are tough but hang in there. I would do it again happily even though I found parts really hard.

I found 6 months or so a big turning point when baby could interact a little more and huge improvement when baby started crawling. They chase each other around the house now and think it’s hilarious.

DS2 was so clingy and still is tbh but would only sleep on me for naps so used the sling for that and did walks during nap time where possible. Do you have a garden? I used to set up a messy sensory activity for DS1 to do outside and I’d feed the baby and watch.

I have an eighteen month gap and DC 2 was a very miserable and restless baby.
It was break for th first 3 months but was obviously improving a lot by 6 months.
My strategy was to spend as much time as I possibly could out of the house.
We would spend hours every day at the park to give DC 1 something to do and watch.The rest of the time was spent doing errands , trying out different parks or places of interest to visit and attending toddlers and tumble tots etc.if I was really desperate I would get in the car for a little drive and once they were both asleep would park up and we would all have a nap.
From 6 months or so they did most things together and the baby slept better and cried a lot less.