Any experiences having an older child then two younger?

[strawflower]

Due to secondary infertility, I'm now expecting my second child and my first will be 7 when they're born. I'm delighted to finally be achieving my dream of having more than one child and I've read loads of positive things about bigger age gaps, which is great, I'm actually pleased with the situation even though I'd have preferred a smaller age gap and shed lots of tears over that before.

What I can't find is any threads where there is one older child and two younger. I've found plenty where there are two older (say 10 and 8, etc.) then a new baby comes along. But I'm really interested in experiences where there is one older and two younger, e.g. 10, 3 and baby.

I had to have IVF to have baby number 2 so obviously I don't know if it would work, but I have 5 embryos "in the freezer" and I am thinking that I don't like the idea of just leaving them and MAYBE trying for one last one in the future.

Obviously I need to see how I cope with 2 to start with! But if you had 1 older and 2 younger, how has that worked out? Any issues from the eldest? Weird dynamics? Or does it just come down to creating a loving, supportive family home and letting it be what it is.

Thanks for any thoughts! x

I've only got one older and one younger (nearly 9 year gap). It helped that they were different sexes, so the older one was the only boy. He did feel pushed out and complained that he lost out as there was less money available for clubs etc.

I was over 40 when I had the 2nd so we aren't looking at a second littlie.

Thanks, sorry to hear that Pineapple.

I'm starting to think this is a super rare way of doing things! 😂

My friend has this - 7 year age gap and then 14 months between youngest 2! Works beautifully. However, I think it is really down to the personality of the eldest child. She has a really lovely confident helpful all rounder eldest boy. The middle one will never know anything else anyway. They really made a big fuss over the eldest when second was born and made sure he was super happy.

Pretty similar to yourself, we’ve got an 8 year old DS then due to secondary infertility a just turned 2 year old DD and currently 32 weeks pregnant. DS and DD generally get on really well and adore each other, although it’s not what we planned it has worked well. A little nervous about juggling three but they are both very excited, particularly DS. So can’t answer your question as such yet but hoping that it won’t change too much. Very lucky that we have an excellent support network and are financially secure so their every day routines will be unchanged.

Thanks guys these are both really positive stories! My first is a DS and I’d generally describe him as confident and helpful and he’s super excited about being a big brother so that bodes well. Really good point that the middle one won’t know any different. I’d read a few stories that when you have two so far apart it ends up like being 2 separate only children so the idea of having two closer in age appeals.

I think I need to see how holidays and money goes with 2 first (and my sanity going back to baby days after so long!) but really good thanks x

Good luck @AlitheAllosaurus for your third !

I have a friend with two older ones, then two little ones. Not sure why they decided to do it that way. Think they are something like 15 and 13, then 8 and 5. Seems to work well! She never stops running around though. She also works in a physically demanding role, so she must be exhausted, but it doesn't show.

She says her older ones do nice things for the little ones, especially at Christmas when the little ones still believe in FC but the bigger ones don't!

My eldest was 7 when my 2nd was born, he absolutely loved being a big brother. I've just had another baby a few weeks ago, my eldest is now 10 & my 2nd is 3, they both love helping with the baby & the 10 year old does things like brushing the 3 year olds teeth & read him a story if I'm feeding the baby. I don't think either of them has felt pushed out, I do try to involve them as much as possible, the 3 year old even takes a dirty nappy to the bin without being asked!

The idea that older ones like to do stuff for little ones is so cute x

Amazing that the 10 year old brushes the 3 year olds teeth!

My eldest was 10 when my second one was born and 13 when the 3rd came along. All boys. It's been really great. He's fabulous with them. When he was a teen he was out more than in so they didn't have such a close relationship but now they are are all older it's amazing. The younger ones look up to him.

I have a DD13 DD3 and DD 9 months. Its amazing, I love it. Dd13 is amazing with the little ones and a massive help, we spend a few hours together every evening when they're in bed watching TV/films or sometimes playing games so we still get lots of alone time. The little ones adore her and are so cute with each other. The big age gap was SO much easier than the 2 year age gap but I feel now I've got the best of all worlds

As of end of December I will have 7,2 and newborn! Big gap between 1&2 because we needed IVF for number 2 and 3 was a surprise bonus ball

Ah great! @Missmonkeypenny good luck. It sounds like the age gap can be brilliant then

7 years isn't a huge gap.

We had baby in Aug, others are 6 (twins), 9, 10 & 15. They all adore baby, more so now she's more interactive.

Ah yes, it’s not the age gap that I’m interested in by itself - it’s the age gap plus two closer in age. So if that makes the older one feel left out / irritated/ other weird dynamics or drawbacks I haven’t thought of, etc.

So in yours it would be the relationship between the 15 year old, 10 and 9 year old

I feel that having children closer together in age is something of a more recent family trend ? In my generation, it was most common to see a 5 to 7 years gap between siblings (maybe also because there were a lot of blended families with the younger children happening in a second marriage).

Siblings relationships surely were just as satisfying with a bigger age gap, the eldest having had ample time to grow into their own skin, mature emotionally, gain a lot of autonomy, are all positive points when it comes to cope with the birth of a new baby. If anything I think navigating the closer age gap between two fairly young children might be more challenging than their relationship with the eldest.

Also, while the two youngest might grow closer, play together, etc, your eldest will be at an age where they have better resources to develop fulfilling relationships outside the family unit. They can more easily rely on their friendships from school and activities for fun and socializing.
In a setting with two older children and a younger one, the youngest can sometimes feel left out.

Eldest struggled with jealousy with 2nd but was fine with 3rd onward. Hit and miss on being nice or mean to siblings, will help them with learning. The 2nd & 3rd were lovely together when small but fight a lot now. I think it's more of a personality thing than an age gap thing, she will throw in because xxx is favourite every now and then.
If you have one quite happy to share your attention then there will be few issues. Going out entertainment wise can be awkward with an older one. Our eldest was okay with the stuff small kids do until hitting the teens then started to be fed up and would rather just stay home or go out with her friends.

I definitely think kids closer in age fight more as there’s 18 months between me and my bro and we fought like cat and dog - but definitely also a personality issue.

I also think closer in age will be hard work 🙈 I’ve had it easy with just one for so long. But at least they can entertain each other at times!

I have this and it's great.

18 year old, 5 year old and 3 year old.

The younger two absolutely love their older brother and he is amazing with them. They are all very close and he looks after them when he can, takes them to cafes or the park, sometimes picks them up from school of nursery, and plays with them loads.

And of course he's always been a babysitter if we've needed it

That’s awesome @fitzbilly 😊 although your eldest is pretty much an adult now - maybe I’ll still get lucky with some babysitting though when mine’s a teen!

@strawflower Just wondering how it went with 2, and whether you've decided on a third? I've got a 7 year old and a 14 month old. Finding the gap lovely at times but really tricky to find stuff they both like to do, especially in school holidays! I thought I might be pregnant this month so would have had the youngest 2 close in age and same as you I wasn't sure how that would go, particularly with my oldest. Turns out I'm not pregnant but it made me think!

Hey @movingtotheburbs no 3rd yet wouldn’t be looking at trying until next year as I’d ideally like the middle one to be slightly older, he’s quite a handful at the moment at 16 months! It’s definitely clearer how much hard work and expense it would add to have a third, we’re on holiday at the moment and there’s much less time to relax this year! I’d had it easy for a few years with just one as I mentioned up thread! For us the 2nd has been very easy to slot in and I think a third would be much harder. So - on the fence still but can see the appeal of sticking with 2 clearly.