Should I have said something to this mum?

[1teaandchocolate]

I took my 2 LO to a soft play today (2yo DD and 10mo DS) and met my friend and her baby there.

Before my friend arrive, a woman walked in with her young child (maybe 3yo). We were the only people there, and she told her DS to go and play with the other child (mine). The woman then started to tell me that he was a little monster and he always wants to go to the park or soft play ect but always goes back to her because he's shy. He then came over and she shouted and told him to play or they were leaving. She then told me that because she has to live with him no one knows what she has to deal with and looked at me for a response.. I just said that I can understand him being shy and needing to build confidence around other children as the past 2 years have been really difficult on socialising the younger kids.

My friend arrived and we went to play in the soft play with our kids and he kept coming over so we obviously included him but he was very shy and kept coming and going, fair enough.

I kept hearing her passively aggressively telling him if he didn't play or eat the food she got him they would go home, or she would say he was being silly ect. She then went to another table where there were 2 mums with younger babies and she was telling them that their kids looked nice so might not be as terrible as him. And listing lots of negatives.

It was only after they left I noticed she was drinking.

Should I have said something? I don't even know how or what I would have said. Everyone parents differently. I can't stop thinking about his sad little face. Obviously I don't know what goes on behind closed doors but I just didn't know what to do in that situation?

What was she drinking?

What do you mean, she had a hip flask? How did you only notice after she left?

The was 2 empty pint glasses with froth at the bottom. I can only assume it was beer or something.
Maybe I am being presumptuous as I didn't see her drink them but the table were all clear beforehand.

How did she get beer at soft play?! Is there a bar?

I don’t know what you could have says to her. It wouldn’t have changed anything, she’d have just got defensive.

I was sat playing with the kids the tables were really close to the soft play so I could hear her because she was very loud.
When we had a brief conversation neither of us had ordered and food or drinks so all the tables were empty.
I don't know if she had a hip flask.

You had to walk through a pub to get to the soft play area in a big room at the back.

I mean if the soft play area is attached to a pub, lots of people would probably have a drink. Christ knows I’ve often felt a glass of wine would make soft play more bearable. That’s not a crime in itself. I bet dads drink a pint in there when they take their kids and no one bats an eyelid.

What? You can get alcohol at soft play? Where do you live? I clearly need to move there as I have never ever been in soft play selling booze. In pint glasses. Or was this at wetherspoons? Bizarre

I get that. Everyone is entitled to have a drink of whatever they choose. It's more the way she spoke to and about her child that upset me. But like you say, even if I had said anything she would have just got defensive.

You’re allowed to drink when you have your children @1teaandchocolate. The fact you didn’t notice she was drinking tells you she wasn’t drunk so it wasn’t a problem.

I don’t really think anything she said was that bad? I’ve told my kids if they don’t play we are leaving 🤷‍♀️

She might have just been having a shite day and he was pushing her buttons. And she hasn’t got anyone to vent to. Hopefully anyway.

I wouldn't think any more about it. Yes, she could be a crap parent, anyone you walk past on the street could be. But what you describe isn't really anything. She had a drink in a bar. So what. She got annoyed at her kid. OK maybe her reaction wasn't ideal, but it is annoying when your kids are climbing the walls at home and begging to go to a place, then when you get there they can't be bothered doing the activity.

@TurnUpTurnip

I don’t really think anything she said was that bad? I’ve told my kids if they don’t play we are leaving 🤷‍♀️

Ouch. I hope you don't actually continuously tell your child they're terrible & a monster...

OP that would have upset me too. Not the beer, but the horrible comments. I don't think there was much you could do in the moment though without starting a fight. Hopefully it was just one bad day and not a reflection of everyday life for them.

I think you sound very judgmental. You could have shown a bit of compassion and tried to really listen what she was saying, instead of just judging her. Judging is easy and the default reaction for most people. It takes more effort to try and understand what she was trying to say, maybe that she's really struggling and finding it very hard being a mum. Perhaps she has no help and no one to vent to. Perhaps she never gets a break, perhaps she doesn't have a clue how to parent because her own parents were useless. It sounds like you did miss a chance to say something, not something educational and judgmental (having a drink or two as a parent is fine in my opinion) but something that might actually have helped her feel better.

Or maybe she was just having a bad day and is a lovely and happy mum most days.

User5252727

Read the op again, the mother never once said it directly to the child, I’ve seen kids described as much worse names on MN tbh, I’ve seen toddlers described as “arseholes”

She sounds trashy tbh. I wouldnt have bothered / you would have wasted your breath.

I'm not sure there's much else you could have said. Your comment about the recent problems was a good one - sympathy with her feelings but with the overtone that it's not his "fault". And if people accept the child coming and going he'll build up his confidence.