DS 14 being excluded by social group

[Enigma31]

Spent 15 minutes writing this only for internet to crash.. so going to keep it brief this time!

DS adopted at 4 is currently being ostracised by what he thought was his friends group! Run by a very clever boy and his nasty mate this boy even organised a massive bowling get together this weekend and purposely told my son about it at school, nastily confirmed he hadn’t invited him! This isn’t the first out of school event he’s not been invited to but the biggest.

Even in class clever boy (once a close friend) is ignoring him and talking around him and now all the kids are following clever boys lead (apart from 1 brave one). Even the teacher chatted about it as he was invited with his sons (one is in DS year).

DS doesn’t want me currently to speak to school (where clever boy is golden child and HOY is a woman from my old year at school - we’re not close!) so I don’t know what to do for the best?

DS came from a neglected background but has worked really hard to overcome this, although he has no interests apart from gaming (not for want of us trying to get him interested) and he’s not very chatting so offers little in the way of interesting talk. I understand if this boy tried to be friendly and it didn’t work but he appears to be getting off on cutting my son out of the group and humiliating him in a big way!

This is awful for a child with a relatively normal background but with a kid from care it’s devastating. The trust has been smashed to pieces !

What shall I do ? He doesn’t want to move class or half of year or change schools.

This breaks my heart. I absolutely hate bullying at the best of times but when you hear of it happening to someone that has already had a difficult start in life it seems doubly cruel. As a parent you must be finding this incredibly difficult. You just want to protect them from harm so desperately which you can do to an extent when they’re small but obviously he’s now at an age where this isn’t always possible. I’m sure the last thing you want to do is betray his trust by speaking to the school but this can’t be allowed to continue. I was bullied when I was around 14. The ring leader was once my friend then for some unknown reason she turned on me and others followed suit. There was no violence, just threats of it which was enough to terrify me. I went from being a happy, quietly confident girl to a nervous wreck. I never told anyone for fear that they would report it to the school and the bullies would get into trouble and punish me for it. I ended up leaving at 15. I can still remember how she made me feel 25 years later, I still feel sick when I have to pass that school.
I do feel for you OP and hope this gets resolved but I fear that you may have to step in at some point. Bullies often rely on their victims silence

Could you enrol your son into groups outside school, like scouts or swimming or other sports. He will meet new friends that way. But this is bullying do you have any idea why. It must be breaking his heart. Please contact H of Y to ask what can be done. Wishing you and your son good things for the future xx

I'm so sorry to read this .. I've been through this a few times now. Whilst it is common that doesn't make it any less painful to deal . In the past with my older DD I tried organising get togethers myself and so others could come, making myself available so that she wasn't alone, and making time to talk about it so that there a space to offload. Also found limiting time they were on their own helped - so hours upon end on their room thinking about what had happened at school

If you aren't convinced the HOY would be helpful, is there a Pastoral lead teacher you could contact?