Terrified of returning to work after maternity leave

[MinnieMouse92]

Hello,

Just looking for others experiences of returning to work after maternity leave. I’m feeling really terrified. I’m returning to work after a year off straight after Xmas. We are very lucky in that my mum and MIL will be looking after my baby whilst I’m at work. I’m returning full time, 5 days a week. My mum having him 3 days and MIL 2 days. Actually, work side is not what I’m worrying about; I love my job and the people I work with/for. I just feel so overwhelmed with the idea that I’ve had a baby for other people to look after for 5 days out of 7. I knew this was the deal when we decided to have a baby and in all honesty when I heard of mums talking about “mum guilt” and returning to work, I always felt a little “well if that’s what your arrangements were always going to be then why feel so guilty”. But the reality is SO different. He has been my life for a whole year, and me his. It feels so unnatural. Part time or reduced hours are not an option. I trust my childcare 150% but I just feel so anxious. I’m worrying about all these things that I will have no “control” over. It seems like such a developmental time in his life. Obviously we have our routine now but I know that at some point that will all change, he will be going down to 1 nap at some point after he turns one and obviously dietary needs change, bottles dropped, food upped etc. I just feel like I’m going to be so “out of the loop” with it all and it just feels like I should be the one guiding him through these things and implementing these changes. I’m worrying he won’t nap so well away from home and this will cause problems at night time, I just feel so awful about leaving him. I’m usually Christmas mad and should be looking forward to his first Christmas but these thoughts and worries are really clouding it. Are these completely normal thoughts that all mums go through when going back to work? Did your babies adapt better than you imagined they would, or worse?

I know we are so lucky with our childcare and I really feel for those without the option of baby staying with family! I know this is all first world problems and that in the long run I’m sure will be ok, I’m just famed to catastrophising things. It’s just consuming me.

Sorry I know this is long winded and thank you if you’ve got this far!

Sorry, I think I’ve posted under the wrong subject…

It is so very hard returning to work after mat leave. It does get easier with time and you are right in that it is a learning process for everyone involved. I think the best thing to do is focus on the positive things mainly you like your job/colleagues and your LO is being looked after by his granny's who will absolutely dote on him.
When I went back to work my mum told me that this would be the first of many experiences like this. She said she felt it when her children went to school...then uni...then moved out...etc. so it doesn't stop and its just a case of adapting to the change at each stage in life.
Could you ask your mum/MIL to text you updates throughout the day? Like what he ate, how long he slept, a photo here and there? My mum still does that for me a year on and it really helps me to stay in the loop. She is also really respectful and does what I ask ie length of nap, low sugar diet etc.
It's hard but it does get easier x

It would seem as though, due to finances, that you have no option, but to return to work. My main worry would be that your parents or the in laws change their minds regarding child care. They are taking on an awful lot of responsibility. They may have forgotten how difficult it is to look after a child all day!

I went back to work about a month ago after 9months off.
Think I cried everyday for about a fortnight before I went back due to mom guilt.
I work 4 days and he’s in nursery two, then with my mom or my partner for the other two. And you know what? It’s been fine! He loves his new routine.
He refuses to nap more than 45 minutes morning and afternoon at nursery, which is half his normal home amount. But even that’s been fine, he’s in a better mood pre-bed after nursery than he is on his home days and he still sleeps through.
You seem super lucky your family are so hands on but I think my LO actually prefers nursery, so if that becomes an option don’t worry about it. They seem to do so much fun stuff there! 😊
Ive had a couple of wobbly days due to being overwhelmed by it all since going back, but if you’ve got a supportive partner for home stuff and manager at work for work stuff you’ll be fine.

It wil take a bit of adapting to but it will all work out op. You will be very tired at first, doing things at night and weekends which you usually got done during the day. Best in mind that this will coincide with your baby adapting to new routines and new people. So cut yourself and everybody else a bit of slack. Drop household standards a bit and be understanding if your baby's carers can't always give baby exactly the same routine you like. They will be adjusting as well and will have their own things going on. But your mother and mil love your baby and will have his interests at heart all of the time. If he was in a nursery the carers would have to consider the needs of several babies whereas your carers are totally focused on only your baby's needs. A huge advantage. You already wisely realize that things change as your baby develops and
while you want oversight you don't want to be control obsessive with loving grandparents. Sometimes they will have a hard day, just as you sometimes do at home, so don't freak out if they go to the park when you think he should be napping for instance. If it works, it works. It is often easier to be more tolerant with your own mother so try to be just as accepting of your mil's decisions if she is a loving, caring grandma. Have a good Christmas op. Then start looking forward to this exciting new development in yours and baby's life.

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely encouraging replies. I know it’s going to be hard, it’s a huge adaption. To be honest I think it’s the time aswell, I haven’t had a proper “work life” since March 2020, as a lot of people have probably experienced following furlough, returning to work pregnant and in reduced hours, to maternity leave and now returning full time. It’s like another whole new part of life! That being said I am very lucky and grateful, I don’t want anyone to think I’m coming across like I have it hard! We are very grateful to our mums for what they have offered. I do know that it’s been a long time since they have looked after babies (my MIL anyway, my mum has looked after all of our families babies, she’s a dab hand 😂) and if it ends up something that doesn’t work out for any reason then we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I do feel a bit scared for baby, going to 2 different places. His napping will be different too, as at home he sleep 9.30-11 and 2.30-4.00 but that won’t work on the days my mum has him as she has a school run for others to do! So I am a bit worried about all of that. I’m sure it will all work itself out, I just feel horrible on putting him through the changes. But it’s all for him in the long run ❤️

I'm totally with you on the mum guilt returning ti work. I'm also returning to work in January after 15 months mat leave. My ds has just started nursery, we don't have the option of family caring for him during the day, and the guilt is next level. Even though this was always the plan, and my partner and I both agreed we would want to send him to nursery regardless of whether I was working because it just seems like a great way for him to have experiences he wouldn't get with me at home. I still am a bit overwhelmed by guilt combined with sadness that my mat leave is ending.

I'm hoping after a few weeks in our new routine that the emotions will settle down!

Not sure I have anything helpful in response to your post, other than to say me too!