Childcare options?

[Mimba1]

I'm going to have to go back to work soon and thought we had childcare sorted - nursery lined up, deposit paid etc. But I'm starting to worry about the impact on DS of going to nursery full time. I feel like it will be unsettling for him to be away 5 days a week in a daycare setting and am sad about how little time I'll be able to spend with him in the week.

I have a really high pressure job - used to do 60+ hr weeks before mat leave and DH is self employed also working long hours. We need my full time income to cover the mortgage. No family nearby either and I'd decided on nursery as being more flexible than a childminder. Everyone else I know is going back part time or has a mother-in- law to do a day or two a week - I hadn't realised I'd be in such a minority needing full time care for him from a third party. While I'd thought through the practicalities I honestly hadn't really considered the impact on DS. I feel like one of those people who gets a dog and expects to be able to leave it at home all day and wonders why it barks and destroys the furniture. Except I've done it with a baby who's more precious to me than anything.

Am I going to harm my baby putting him in full time nursery? Anyone else with the kind of job I have (I work in finance fwiw) - how did you make it work?

It's difficult when you're surrounded by other mums who don't work or only go part time, but I can assure you it's quite normal to get full time childcare after maternity leave. A lady I work with came back early, putting her baby in nursery full time at 3 months old, and her child is growing up to be really happy and confident.

Same for my child, he's a really confident kid and friends trying to leave their 3 year olds for the first time are having serious issues. I watch the nursery staff with the babies when it's pick-up time and they're so lovely and attentive with them. Find the right setting and I'm sure all will be fine.

I also work full time in high-pressured job while being a parent. It's difficult and I totally understand how you're feeling! The future looks much brighter for DS however, as my career is on the up and our income is good, and focusing on that makes it easier.

My ds is 15 now, but he went to nursery FT at 4.5 months. He's grown up to be a very happy, outgoing person who was/is very well attached to me and DH. It'll be OK, honest

I had mine in 4 days from 11 months and then full time from 16 months, but less than 8 hours a day if we could manage it between us. We did have the offer of MIL care but it worked better for us having a professional provider.
We've now dropped her to three days and have a nanny for two, as it worked with our eldest starting school (for drop off/pick up on those days).
She prefers nursery though, and has lovely friendships with the kids she's known since the baby room.

I'm another who thinks nursey will be great for your DS .Nowadays with tapestry earwig or whatever they use to send you photos of what they're doing in the day you'll see all the activities he's doing.Also stops them being clingy makes them more social and try lots of different foods.Im not so sure about 60 hours a week though! Hope it all goes well!

How about a nanny instead? If you're doing 60hrs a week in finance role, sounds like you can afford it.

I went back full time after my son. Once we got back into the swing of it it was fine and the extra money helped save for my second maternity leave.
He was in nursery 3 days and with granny 2 days.

As a baby 5 days a week at nursery would have been fine for him (he started at 13 month) and he got to do loads of fun stuff that we didn't do with him (messy play and the like)

Tbh with you, as he got older it became clear that nursery wasn't a good fit for him but I was on maternity / a SAHP by that point so we could move him to preschool. That said at that point if I'd still been working we'd have looked for a nanny for him instead. You've got time for him and you to get used to it and if you need to change later you can. It's easier to find spaces for older children than babies as there isn't as high a demand.

My daughter on the other hand would have been fine at nursery full time until school - very different character.

I went back full time when DS1 was 6 months. He's now 14 and absolutely fine.
I did use my accrued annual leave to do 3 days / week for the first month, then 4 days per week so he didn't actually do 5 days per week until nearer 10 months.
I had my second when DS was 3 and he continued to go 3 days per week during my maternity leave as he loved it there and liked the routine.

Everyone else I know is going back part time or has a mother-in- law to do a day or two a week - I hadn't realised I'd be in such a minority needing full time care for him from a third party.

I went back to work full-time and my DP was the one who worked less days as he did compressed hours, so was the main carer. However I have male friends and now know other people who did similar to us. We were all in a minority like that when we had our children as they aren't the same ages.

So what I'm trying to say there are people like you around just not in your immediate social circle. When you go back to work depending on the type of office complex you work in, you will meet another couple of women just like you.

In regards to nursery harming your child as long as they don't have a large turnover of staff your son will be fine. Funny thing is I actually chose a childminder over a nursery because staff turnover worried me, plus the childminder actually could do longer hours than then nursery on the days we needed her.