For those of you with 10yr boys (or who have recently had one that age) - would you consider this fairly normal behaviour? Apologies in advance, this is long. I've only just realised after reading it through 
Meal times: I feed my two DC (DD is 3) earlier than my husband and I eat (we eat once they're in bed - long story). My son cannot sit at the freaking table. He gets up, fiddles around with the TV, the Alexa, my daughter’s toys that are in the room, watches something on the ipad at the table, he'll get up and start flopping around on the floor, pesters my daughter, makes stupid sounds, etc. He can get so side tracked with all these things that the process of eating a plate of food can take 30-40 mins. He can eat it quicky if he wants to, but most of the time he doesn't. Meal times are sooo stressful for me. I just want to cry. I feel so defeated and awful for the constant nagging, and eventually yelling out of sheer frustration because he just won't freaking sit down and eat.
During a film: He'll sit on the sofa with my husband, but will have the remotes in front of him on the coffee table. He cannot leave them alone. He's constantly touching a button on them to see how long is left of the movie, or trying to rewind a funny part. Sometimes he's bouncing around on the sofa as well. He'll often end up messing up the moving and accidentally starting it from the beginning again.
In the car: If he's on his own he's usually fine. He'll read a book. But throw my daughter into the mix and he's pestering her, taunting her, she's whining and he's winding her up, he'll kind of bounce up and down in his seat so it shakes the whole car, says things that will upset her. Driving with them is a nightmare.
At home: He's obsessed with technology and gadgets. We've got an alexa, an apple home pod, etc. He'll constantly be fiddling with them, turning them on to play music, setting alarms because he thinks he's being helpful. Trying to turn on the TV. My daughter will ask for peppa pig. We'll put it on. He'll switch it to something else 2 mins later, leaving her whining and crying that he's changed her show. Then he'll say he's going to put it on again and he'll put it on Youtube. Then change the episode half way through again leaving her whining and crying.
Homework: It could take him 2hrs+ to complete a few pages with 5-10 questions on it. Again he'll get distracted, turn the tv on, flip on the sofa, flop around on the ground, basically do anything but his homework.
Bedtime: We somehow got into the habit of my son reading my daughter her bedtime story. She's normally so exhausted once she's out of the bath, so I'll call my son up to read and I will have to call him 5-10 times before he comes. He'll make excuses like 'you never told me' or say 'I'm coming' but it'll take 10-20 mins of nagging. By this time my daughter is so tired. My son gets in her room and then starts jumping on her bed and winding her up again. He'll start to read her book, but might read it in a super fast voice slurring his words. I'll then have to nag to get him to slow down and I'm getting stressed out, daughter is tired and cranky and then getting herself distracted and off my lap, he'll get annoyed and say 'ok, I'm leaving no book' which will make her upset and cry. I'll have to yell after him to come and read the book. This craziness can go on and on for 20 mins or more. I swear I'm getting heart palpitations just writing this all out. I've tried to read the books to her myself and she gets so upset and insists on him reading or she just kicks up the biggest tantrum.
I cannot handle being in my house anymore. My kids are both driving me insane.
I have really just felt extremely defeated the past few months, but this weekend has left me feeling very low. My son is constantly acting up. Doesn't listen no matter what I say. He was always such a pleasant little boy, but as he's got older (it started about 7-8yrs) he's become a real handful, and is now quite rude, gets very down on himself saying he's bad, he's stupid, no one likes him, he doesn't know how to behave, etc. The hours between 5-10pm are absolute chaos in my house most of the time, starting out with dinners, then bath and bed times. It drags on and on.
I have suspected for a long time that my son has ADHD. My husband insists he doesn’t and will not let me get him assessed. He gaslights me into thinking that this is completely normal behaviour for a boy (but the husband gets equally frustrated and yells at my son too). It’s just not a good environment for anyone. But my husband grew up an only child and his mother never punished him and basically still thinks the sun shines out his ass. My son now speaks to me quite rudely, and can be a little aggressive at times. It scares me. My husband does nothing to enforce any kind of punishment and makes loads of empty threats, but never follows through with them. I can’t even remember what it was, but my son did something (I think spoke to my husband very rudely) and I told him to go for a time out in the bathroom for 5 mins. He refused, I tried to get him in there, and then said to my husband – so you’re not even going to do anything about him saying that – and he replied with “I don’t believe in timeouts”
I’m ay my wits end. I’ve felt so defeated this weekend I’ve not even had dinner yesterday or today. I’ve just been so stressed and so down I can’t be bothered. Please tell me this isn’t normal behaviour? I don’t know what I can do to get help, but I’m so down I just want to run away from the noise and chaos of my house. 