Eldest Teen (18yo) Hates Younger sister (16yo)

[Lauire]

Hi

DD1 (18) has always been excessively jelous of her younger sister DD2 (16).

DD1 is more academic, sporty and has good friend ships, where as DD2 has a more difficult time at school, has dyspraxia and finds things a lot tougher.

DD1 however treats her like absolulte cr@p, she talks down to her, scoffs and scorns her shoves her away and excludes her at all opportunities.

Having left for Uni she has not improved in this area. I was on face time today with DD1 and DD2 sunnily asked to say hello and DD wouldn't look at the camera, was mono syllabic and effectively ignored her.

I responded by ending the call saying I was busy and then texting DD1 to say how her behavious had made me very unhappy.

Other than this I have a great relationship with DD1 - we speak a few time a day on the phone, I visit her and support her at all opportunities. I know this is some really toxic form of jelousy, and am at my witts end on how to handle this.

I have spoken to DD1 about this many times - she strops and gets angry everythime I raise this.

Advice is welcome as I am absolutley breaking at this - I love both my daughters but cannot bear to see one be so malicious to the other who does not deserve this.

Thank you

Laurie xx

I was a bit like this with my younger sister but when we were much younger. There’s 3 years between us and I was just awful to her at times but once I reached my early teens I had an understanding of right/wrong and how people should be treated, by the time I was 18 we were best friends.

My mum wouldn’t have stood for it at that age no way, I really would be zoning into your daughter and saying that she needs to discuss the issues with you as adults or failing that a professional e.g. a therapist as you’re not going to tolerate it in your house. If she’s living at uni you could say if she’s coming home she needs to abide by ground rules or she’s not welcome, it sounds harsh but she’s an adult now who has options to not be at home, and your youngest is a child with nowhere else to go.

She might get angry but she won’t be feeling half as bad as your youngest does every time she’s treated badly for no reason.

Thank you for the advice. I am leaving DD1 alone for a bit and have asked her to apologise to DD2. Will see what happens xx

What is she jealous of? I see you can explain her behaviour towards the younger sister, but can you explain why? What makes you think it's jealousy?

I had an elder sister who was awful to me throughout my childhood, my parents left it to sort itself out... I'm NC with her and it's damaged my relationship with my parents and caused me lots of issues.

I wish in hindsight that they had thrashed out what was going on and simply refused to accept how she behaved, each and every instance.

Armchair psychologist: dd1 resents how dd2 takes up more of your time for 'naughty' behaviours despite her always doing well without being recognised for it, what does she have to do to get your attention, now she's at uni she probably feels you're completely monopolised by dd2 and you can't even focus on her for the length of a phone call without dd2 getting a look in. I'd guess dd1 was left to be sensible and sort herself out while dd2 got your attention by playing up etc.

I'd be trying to focus on making dd1 secure in her relationship with you, explaining that as a parent you try to give children what they need and that's not always the same for each child, you love both equally but can't let her treat dd2 that way. I think it's got very little to do with dd2, dd1 is mean to communicate something to you.

Good luck!

Do you mean she's jealous of the attention her younger sister gets due to her difficulties ?