When does it get better?

[testy1997]

Have a newborn and struggling massively with shock of how life has changed. Doesn't help that she's a whingey baby either.. tell me good / positive stories of when it gets better?!

It will get better, I promise you. I'm a first time mum to an 8 month old, he was very much planned and wanted, I thought I would have all the patience in the world and everything would come naturally, but it really is the most life changing thing ever. The first few weeks are so so difficult, don't feel guilty if you just sit on the sofa all day watching TV and cuddling your newborn if that keeps them happy, don't do what I did and become obsessed with keeping the house clean and tidy and keeping on top of housework, sleep whenever you get the chance! One of the things that kept me sane was taking my baby out for walks, meeting friends, going for a coffee, sometimes I just went to a coffee shop on my own and sat down just me and my baby with a drink and fed him, just listening to different sounds and being around people and getting out and about made me feel so much better. I felt so lost in the first few weeks, struggling with breastfeeding, having bladder issues after the birth and coming to terms with a horrible postnatal experience in hospital, but before you know it your little one will be sat on their own happily playing with toys with so much personality the newborn phase will feel like a lifetime ago. You're doing great, you've got this.

Try not to think negatively of your baby. Nothing she does is 'against' you. She always wants to please you, she just doesn't know how yet. It's really important to her that you don't forget her, leave her behind, or anything that might put her at risk. Cuddle her up and be happy with this time when you can't do much else. It passes.

All the whinging becomes a distant memory when they smile at you the first time or say mama or reach for you. Life doesn't go back to the way it was before - you have to set aside that old life to a certain extent and embrace this new one

I think it's hard to get your head around the permanence of the change. Think of it like this is the point of deepest dependence on you, then you climb a staircase towards the point where they are independent.

So a step would be the baby smiling at you. Crawling. Walking. Talking. And so on.

They don't give much back as tiny babies but once they engage with you a bit, it starts to feel more like a relationship than an endless series of tasks.

So when exactly does it get better? I'd say in honesty at about 18 months I enjoyed it more, but before that I enjoyed three months more than newborn, six months more than three, 12 months more than six months etc.

It's hard, but this first intense bit doesn't last forever!

I could have written this - I was totally overwhelmed and struggled hugely. It DOES get better, I promise. The newborn bit is really rough regardless. I would say once we got past 6 weeks it started getting a bit better. She became a bit more predictable, it was easier to get out the house and do things and you start getting a bit more back from them at that age too.

Things that helped:

• weekly baby classes to chunk up what felt like endless groundhog days!
• making sure I had something on every day to get me out the house
• regularly meeting up with other mums and being honest about how I was feeling - most admit they felt similar and you can then support each other
• starting leaving the baby with my husband for chunks of time from early on (2 weeks ish) so I could go back to things I enjoy eg running, netball, meeting a friend for a drink. It doesn't have to be long, 1-2 hours of you time can make the world of difference. We introduced bottles early to enable this.

I couldn't do the sitting on the sofa doing nothing thing, it wasn't for me. I was out with her multiple times pretty much every day from when she was born. I also needed a tidy house so I didn't look around and feel crap about it, so my husband would take her for short periods so I could clean/tidy etc. He did bits too of course. It all depends on what works for you, just giving an alternate perspective which helped me get through it. She is 14 weeks now and I still have times when I feel frustrated and worry motherhood isn't for me, but I get a lot of joy from having her and can see more easily how much happiness she will bring to our lives.

What @MGee123 said.. I went out every day. Did baby groups and found mums feeling the same. We went for walks. We shared stories. We laughed together.