Newborn PND

[Serevai]

I feel like I want to run away. But my son stops me. I'd never leave him without a mother. Through pregnancy I was so happy. Now I feel like this isn't what I wanted then I look at him and cry because what a disgusting thought for me to have. The house is a tip, I can't be bothered. I'm a mess, not eating. My poor baby. Any chance I get i hand him over to someone so I can sit and cry. I am the crappest mum. Already.

I have started setraline today. I really hope I get better. I can't imagine the years to come like this. Maybe he would just be better of with his dad. But I could never live with myself. He is my precious boy. I feel so bad

I've been where you are and although you won't believe me now, it really will not be like this forever. Keep taking the sertraline and make sure your GP refers you to perinatal mental health services, if they haven't already done so.

I repeat - this is NOT your life forever. It will change. Things will improve. Just take all the help, keep talking (really important!) and survive day by day. If you can't eat, make sure you drink plenty of water.

Keep posting in here if it helps. Loads of us have been where you are and made it out the other side - we're here for you. There is also a helpline run by a charity called Pandas:
pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/free-helpline/

I'm sending you such a massive hug!
This is not forever and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

When my first was born I suffered with PND for the first month. As soon as she was born, I didn't want to hold her. Family were visiting us in hospital the day she was born and bringing us presents and I didn't want to look at the presents. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and had this awful feeling of regret and couldn't stop questioning why I'd done this to myself and I was so overcome with guilt because I had the most gorgeous baby and I didn't want her. I felt that I looked after her because I had to, not because I wanted to.
When she was about 4 weeks old, we were in the car and I looked over to her in the car seat to check on her and had my first feeling of love towards her.

She's now 4 years old and I adore her and her sister so much. I look back at the post partum me and want to give her a hug.
You're going to get through this. You just need support around you.
The beginning bit is so so hard and you'll be overwhelmed with hormones and emotions. Give yourself a chance to settle into this new adventure and ask your dr to refer you to the mental health midwife team.
It's going to be ok xx

I remember walking up the road for a precious 15 mins by myself when DD was about a week old, so exhausted I could barely remember my own name and desperately wanting to run away.
I was diagnosed with PND (and unfortunately post partum psychosis) put on various things, and finally found mirtazapine worked for me.
Take the sertraline and grab any help you can get with both hands. It will get better and easier and you will find your feet. Unmumsnetty hugs

Hiya, just checking, you're not on hormonal contraception are you?

@again2020

I remember walking up the road for a precious 15 mins by myself when DD was about a week old, so exhausted I could barely remember my own name and desperately wanting to run away. I was diagnosed with PND (and unfortunately post partum psychosis) put on various things, and finally found mirtazapine worked for me. Take the sertraline and grab any help you can get with both hands. It will get better and easier and you will find your feet. Unmumsnetty hugs

Hi again, how old is your sweet angel now? Are you doing much better?

@Mnusernc

Hiya, just checking, you're not on hormonal contraception are you?

Hi, no I don't take anything other than now this AD

Ok how about breastfeeding? It sent me loopy

@Mnusernc

Ok how about breastfeeding? It sent me loopy

Me too. I cried every time I the milk started flowing. It didn’t even hurt or anything. It was just like a flood of hormones that made me cry. My midwife said some people are just more sensitive to all the hormones

I didn't breastfeed at all and still went loopy so it's not always a contributing factor. Just remember, it's nothing you've done or not done - you're ill and it's not your fault. And you will get better.