Grandparents only wanting to see DS alone?

[DottieP89]

This is going to be fairly long, so I do apologise.

So, we recently tried to reconcile with my estranged PILs after going no contact when my DS was a couple of months old.

We thought that we could try and reconcile as I couldn't imagine not speaking to my DF. we invited them round to talk about what they did that upset us and boundaries we had.

I told them that they wouldn't be seeing DS alone until we felt comfortable. He's less than a year old, breastfed, they haven't seen him since he was 1 month old so they're strangers to him and to be honest, I don't want my son left alone with them after how they were to DP and I.(I've still not left him myself yet) but I told them they were more than welcome to come by our house to visit and we could visit them. They took huge offence and told me they only wanted to see DS at their house, without us being there. I understand GP's want alone time with their GC but every single time? It's made me feel a bit creeped out.

I'm a FTM so I'm not sure what the norm is but is this what you do with your DC and GP visits?

no one has the right to insist on seeing a child without their parent(s) present. Call their bluff, if a relatio with their gs is important enough to them they will take what they can get.

Their trying to pull a power move on you, don't let them

Well done for standing firm. Their demands are not normal at all, and there’s no reason for grandparents to want or have “alone time” anyway. It’s not their child, and they’re not doing a very good job with their relationship with their own child.

Dh's dps are also batshit and we are nc. Been so since ds was 3 months old.. Have told dh he is always 'welcome' to make up with them but they will never set eyes on our ds. You need to protect your dc op. As is your responsibility as the dps. They have no right or rights to see your dc.

@Santaischeckinglists I agree, the reason we went NC was because we had DS then. Apparently I'm "mollycoddling" him. Rather be overprotective than have my DS feel like I didn't care about him like they made their children feel.

The fact that they think you can "mollycoddle" a child that's a couple of months old is ringing some pretty loud alarm bells. I wouldn't leave him alone with them. Their choice if they don't want to see his parents too.

DD is 12 months. The only time GPs have ever had her alone has been when we were isolating but she didn't have to so they took her to the park for half an hour.

I don't have any objections to them having her alone (though both sets of GPs in our case are lovely - I might have if there had been previous issues) but I don't see why it's necessary either. What lovely bonding activity are they going to do that they can't do with me or DH around?!

The only times I ever remember being left alone with my own grandparents (again, lovely ones!) were when my parents needed to (and that only happened a couple of times, for things like moving house, it wasn't a regular childcare arrangement). I don't think it affected my relationship with them that I didn't get much time with just them.

I completely agree with @FictionalCharacter and @FlatCheese
They both are spot on!

If it was me (or your DH) I would be telling them they need to work on rebuilding their bond with their son before they start making demands about bonding with their grandson.

You’re doing the right thing. Protect yourselves and your baby son. They sound awful and potentially dangerous.

That's creepy and controlling. They sound a bit evil.

They sound nuts!

Keep it minimal at most.