Kids who don’t follow the crowd

[Twounderfive83]

Does anyone else have a non-conforming child?

My DS (5) has always been one to not follow the crowd - he has never enjoyed organised activities unless it’s of specific interest to him, doesn’t join in group singing, and doesn’t like “forced fun” like most fancy dress days at school. He has close friends and he does show an interest in what they like, but he would never, for example, play football which is something he has no interest in, just because everyone else does.

Full disclosure, I suspect he has ADHD or is possibly on the spectrum.

But my DH is like this by all accounts, so I’m wondering if it could be a personality thing?

Mines the same.

He does have asd.

He's not unhappy. What makes him unhappy is other people putting pressure on him to be something he isn't social wise.

He gets plenty of interaction with others through college and swimming (he's in e,it's swimming). He has no interest outside of this in socialising more.

He's happy. That's what matters.

@PurrBox

A cautionary note from bitter experience- remember that people change.

I had my eldest son pegged as one who went his own way, but found out that he was bullied in year 8 and 9, tried desperately to fit in, floundered, and has had his self-confidence permanently damaged by that.

I played a part, because I was always so proud of him for going his own way that he was somehow ashamed to come to me for help. He had a lot of trouble admitting that other people didn't like 'his way' and that he actually wanted desperately to be more 'normal'. When it came down to it, he wanted to fit in and to have friends, to know how to talk about football and to have the right trainers (even though he had no idea how to identify the 'right trainers').

I 've just read this comment and I agree that it's really important to remember how influential we can be as parents. If we praise anything too much our children can feel that they are letting us down by admitting that they are not like this anymore, and find it difficult to ask for our help. By letting them know that it's ok to feel differently at different times it lets them know that they are loved however they are.

DS is NT and very much one of a kind - he's not fussed what people think of him as a straight 21 year old man who loves musical theatre, music from the 80s and 90s, being a little camp and watching romcoms. He's like his dad was, DH's favourite film was Bridget Jones. And he is proud to be like his dad.

My DS has to date actively avoided the crowd and definitely anything involving him singing or performing. When we had kids round when he was little he would quietly go off to play with his lego by himself. He's more sociable now and has a few very good close friends. He does like football but as a genuine interest he can get obsessed by the detail of, he will not join in with clubs or teams just because his friends are.

My 13 daughter is very quiet. Spends lots of time in her room..has 2 friends in school. Loves a game called genshin impact snd cookie run which she gets super animated about. No interest in meeting friends in town/ having her own money / very obedient/ no interest in clothes/ sort of enjoys school. She ususlly comes out if school alone ie not in a pack of girls but is happy in herself and this i have accepted. I just hope from the other posts she loves secondary school. She is quirky and thats totally ok..i wemt to psychologists etc as aspergers is in the famiily and then called a halt as nothing definitive showed upso now realise she is just quirky and quiet ! And she needs to leave alone

To be left alone i mean !!