Do the feelings of regret ever go away?

[grey12]

I always thought I would have 2 kids. DH convinced me to have the 3rd and why not

Well...... I regret it now...... I got PPD after the baby was born and got mostly over it but occasionally the thought comes to my mind that things would have been better if we had stopped at 2

She's lovely and my easiest baby!! She's not the problem. The problem is everything else...... she was born in different circumstances to her siblings.

We had to move in into inlaws house. And it's not easy.............. but that's subject for a different post.

These thoughts creep onto me..... eldest is having some trouble at school: I would have more time and clearer head without a baby. Middle child is acting up: would have been easier without the baby, I would have more time. We've been trying to look for a house: we could do with 2 bedrooms if we didn't have the 3rd one. We may move country: would be easier without the 3rd one, especially the travelling. We may need to consider home schooling: .........

Does it ever get better? is it just the baby stage that is more difficult?.... They're age gap is not much, 4 years between eldest and youngest, so soon they'll all be at roughly similar stages?

Bump

I think everything is harder when you have a baby (and other tinies, by the sound of it!) I don't know but I suspect as you watch the baby turn into more of an individual you might not feel this way, and watch them all interacting with eachother. It doesn't sound like you are over the hard time you've had as a new mother of three, and I think things will change as time goes on. I'm from a large family so maybe a bit biased!
Do you have people helping you in RL?

Thanks for the reply

My problem isn't so much not having help. Is more not having independence or the freedom of making a choice, eveb if it's a stupid, insignificant one but it's making me feel really down....

For example I just badly burned some onion for the dinner. I want to just give up and give the kids some soup for dinner or something. But I can't..... I have to cook for the inlaws...... I don't get to choose my priorities.....

Think is, it's making me feel like this situation (that me and DH are trying to change) would be easier if we hadn't had no3

It's excruciating feeling regret, you definitely have my sympathies. I do think you have to be really careful not to let the regret take up too much brain space as (in my experience) all that will happen is that you obsess over it and ruin the present and future. I know that is easier said than done though!

Once your circumstances improve and the baby is older and more 'one of the kids' I suspect you'll find it easier to not focus on that pivotal moment of a third child that feels like it spoiled things. In the meantime it's tricky but hang in there, many parents struggle with the situation they've landed themselves in so you are not alone!

I think you might have more of an in law problem than a 3 dc problem..
Will you need stay there long term?

I'm just here offering a hand hold, im having a regret about agreeing to have another (currently pg dc2) when it's my life that takes the hit with the child rearing and the career nose diving etc.

It sounds like you could do with a good old listening ear to sound board off, there's so much in your first post...country move? Home school? Pretty massive stuff.

And do you have to cook for your in laws? (Genuine question, not sarcasm etc)

Baby stage is hard. How old?

Who do you have on your side to listen to you, give you a hand? Anyone?