Did/does anyone not follow sleep training?

[Namechangegardens]

My 10 week old is obviously approaching key sleep training stage age-wise. I've been blessed with a pretty good sleeper and though bedtime is unpredictable and sometimes takes ages, once down he's great.

I wonder if anyone has chosen to be baby led in terms of sleep habits, instead of following sleep training? I got all motivated and bought "precious little sleep" book, however am already so not keen for the regimental plans it describes.

Do I really need to be home by 6pm every day to start the bedtime process? What about when he's older and I won't won't be picking him up till 6pm?!

What I want to know is whether I will regret not doing sleep training or whether its worth the freedom sacrifice.

TIA

We didn't, DD was a Crap sleeper from day dot but sleep training wasn't going to happen or work with her, she got better eventually. DS is a great sleeper and he's 4 months.

I will never chain myself to being home and having to put them somewhere with specific conditions to sleep, DD woke a lot but could sleep anywhere

Beyond the sleep training project FB Group might be a good place for you.

One of the things I’m so pleased I did, was start the bedtime routine from three months old, all my children go to bed well and sleep through. I don’t know the book you mention , but when he’s older you shift the timings down.

10 weeks is a bit young for any kind of training.
It depends on the child. Eldest no hope of any sort of routine with sleep, has a will of iron and an amazing ability to resist sleep even when exhausted. He’s now 4 and we’ve only had a ‘normal’ bed time routine for the last 6 months. When he was little though I could take him anywhere, go out for meals in the evening it was great and he would be fine
Child number two. Also bloody minded but needs sleep at set times. Needs to nap about 10am for upto 2 hours and needs to be in bed by 6pm. Wakes in the night at the same times each day and wakes up for the day at 5am. I would love a different routine but it’s not happening. Unfortunately can’t take her out in the evenings because she’s grumpy.
I have heard about babies who do conform quite nicely to a parent imposed routine.

I had two fairly crap sleepers. Knew I’d never be able for sleep training (waaaaay too soft) so we just rolled with it more or less- hence in all honesty 1.5 and 2.5 years of shite enough sleep respectively.

It wasn’t great but equally it wasn’t so bad that I would have changed it! I always kind of liked the night feeds in the silent dark- just me and my little beloveds. I knew I’d never get that time again so I really tried to just cherish it (didn’t always achieve that nirvana of course- plenty of silent effing and blinding at times).

DH always gave me a guaranteed 2 hour rescue sleep in the morning though which was my saviour.

I dunno. Always swore I’d never give sleep advice to anyone because I totally “failed” by most objective standards. But I look back on it and really don’t regret even the shit nights!

Mine are 5 & 7 now and I love them so much I could burst. Life is soooo much easier now though so I know I have total rose coloured glasses for the past!

Sleep training is not recommended for 10 weeks. I thought it was for 6 months plus as thats when they are safe to be in a separate room.

I didn't need to do sleep training with my second. I would just give him a quick cuddle and put him down.

We never did sleep training, but then we were lucky, our two, aside from the newborn stage, were pretty good sleepers. If the only issue is going down to sleep (not uncommon) I wouldn't see the need for it - especially as it sounds like starting the process at 6pm isn't going to be great for you, you're probably better off sticking with where they're at.

10 weeks is super young for sleep training isn't it? We just rolled with it. And still do. Which is why I was watching videos on YouTube of trains from 11pm-1am last night 😂

I never trained either of mine - and at 3.5 and 5.5 they sleep 12hrs a night now.

But at ten weeks sleep training is the last thing on your mind surely??? I don't know that I was leaving the house by ten weeks with my first. Way too early for them to learn anything.

Settling into an evening/bedtime routine is a different thing from sleep training. 10 weeks is far too young for sleep training of any kind, but many babies at that age may be amenable to starting some kind of evening routine. Both my DSs had got night/day sorted out by that age, and did their longest stretch of sleep from 7:30ish, so I just arranged things around that. I've never been one for rigid, clock-watching routines, just made sure they were ready for sleep by the time they were sleepy.

@SockQueen

Settling into an evening/bedtime routine is a different thing from sleep training. 10 weeks is far too young for sleep training of any kind, but many babies at that age may be amenable to starting some kind of evening routine. Both my DSs had got night/day sorted out by that age, and did their longest stretch of sleep from 7:30ish, so I just arranged things around that. I've never been one for rigid, clock-watching routines, just made sure they were ready for sleep by the time they were sleepy.

Agreed although I think it's also worth pointing out that some of the ideas about bedtime routines that you read are not consistent or compatible with current safe sleep guidelines (not that yours weren't @SockQueen, just making a general point)

10 weeks old is close to sleep training?

I went baby led both times. It was a rough few years with little sleep but now they sleep 7.30-7.30/8 with zero wake ups. They are such fantastic sleepers.
They are 3 and 4.

It’s not about starting the routine at 6pm. It’s about having a few elements that you can continue indefinitely that clearly signal bedtime (bath, story, cuddles). The time you start this sequence will change. (You can also change the routine but it takes a few days to stick.)

Where did you get the advice that 10 weeks is an ideal time for sleep training? I wouldn’t even consider it until six months at a minimum and even then only if it’s unbearable.

Babies don’t have “magic windows” where you have to teach them something or else they will never learn it. Of course you can gently try to build good habits but babies are constantly changing, especially over the first year. Sometimes they sleep, sometimes they don’t. Chalk it up to sleep regression, teething, illness, travel, change of seasons, Venus in retrograde, a butterfly flapping it’s wings in Tasmania…. Who knows but most likely it’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do. For now all you can do is roll with it.

We're probably the other extreme and choose to co-sleep. My child was the worst sleeper from the day she was born. We did half-heartedly attempt the shush pat thing but I just couldn't handle hearing her screaming (knowing that she would immediately stop and settle when I picked her up) so through sheer exhaustion, we began to co-sleep and still do, 2 years on!
I realise it's not for everyone but we really do love it. We do plan to transition her into her own room in the next few months but right now, this works for us - we're all well rested and I have less bedding to change
Please don't feel that you have to sleep train; if that is what you want to do, that's fair enough but 10 weeks is so young and it's such a specifically western thing to sleep train. Other cultures have other approaches to sleep which also work.
As pp mentions, the beyond sleep training fb page is an incredibly supportive place with great information and advice.

We didn't do sleep training with any of ours until they were about one and even then it was flexible just a routine I guess rather than training. It was all very them lead. Eldest wasn't and still isn't really a sleeper (now 12) and the younger two play or listen to audio books until they fall asleep. Bed time isn't a hassle never has been but I think that's partly because we weren't trying to fight them when tiny but going with the flow.
I think trying to set a routine for such a small baby is making work for yourself.

Not at ten weeks, six months is the minimum age it's recommended if you choose to sleep train. All I would do at ten weeks is keep a rough mental note of feed and sleep times to see if any routine or pattern is developing and maybe have a bit of a bedtime routine for sleep cues even if that's literally bath, feed in darkened room, cot etc
I did like EASY (eat /feed, activity, sleep, you time) at this age which is the baby whisperer but I know not everyone is a fan

10weeks is too young to sleep train
Your baby sleeps well by the sounds of it. You don't even need to be considering it. Whatever you're doing is working, so enjoy the good sleep phase.

Just to add in terms of freedom and schedules etc I think having your evenings to yourself or a couple of hours at nap time to yourself is definitely worth having to be home at certain times. I remember feeling a bit left out by friends who would meet in the afternoon when my baby was napping but the flip side was they couldn't believe that I didn't spend hours in the evening trying to settle my baby but again this was six months plus,

Didn't 'train' until 6 months and even then all I did was get a night nanny to come in for two nights to give me an objective viewpoint on whether he was waking for hunger reasons or just needing to be resettled (I was still BFing to sleep). He's a good sleeper when he's asleep, but has the worst FOMO and I spent a lot of time driving in the car to get him to nap at the 4-6 month point. He's 3 now and goes to bed fine at 7pm each night but we have been relentlessly consistent. We've only kept him out past bedtime about twice in his life (we have no social life but that doesn't bother me - I'm a homebody).

Really depends on the baby. We tried with our first to do the routine step by step. The same every day. He faught it every night. He just wasn't tired at that time and would cry and cry. Tge only way we could get him in bed was to rock him or cuddle him. Now he can talk he us just the same. We worked out that he just doesn't need that much sleep and there's no point putting him to bed until he us tired. I wish we'd stopped just let go of the routine.

I now have a 2nd. She is text book. She is in her bed settled and having a cuddle at 6.45 and asleep by 7. You put her down sleepy and she goes off just like that.

I didn't sleep train ds1 and won't with ds2. Completely baby led. Ds created his own routine from about 18 months and then again around 2.5 once he dropped his nap.

I’m very against sleep training, it goes totally against all my instincts and it baffles me that it’s so ingrained that we need to ask this question (I remember feeling exactly like you with my first and seeking others that hadn’t done it, hoping I wasn’t damaging my son)

I didn’t do it, he was a terrible sleeper for years and I still didn’t do it. Then he started to sleep, and now he just sleeps no training needed.

I’ve since had another baby and she slept well from day 1. Some babies sleep, some don’t. Most children eventually sleep!

Cave people didn’t sleep train their babies and they must have slept!

I didn't know 'sleep training' was a thing. I doubt it would have worked on my DD anyway.

Do you mean sleep training or just having a regular bedtime routine?

Honestly, I have friends who didn't want to have a set bedtime and be uncool and not take their kids out in the evening etc. They all have terrible sleepers and over tired children. I think the vast majority of kids want and need a routine of some sort.

My older son is just naturally an early bird, being baby led was putting him down early, as a baby crazy early - 6pm at 3 months, at 5 years old he asks to go to bed if we haven't started the bedtime routine by 6:30/6:45. We had to adjust our work around it.

Some kids can do well on a later bedtime if that works better for your family but I don't think just freewheeling and not having a routine is generally good for kids.

Of course! Most people just kinda figure out what they're comfortable with. I coslept with each of mine for almost 2 years. It was fine, nothing awful happened, kids sleep fine now. (but lots of people do find that sleep training works for them! You have to let go of trying to parent "the right way" and just trust yourself x)