3 year old only wants mummy

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My 3 year old DS has recently developed a huge preference for me (mum). I know this is a common phase but it seems to be getting worse and more extreme. He follows me everywhere, only wants me to do bathtime, bedtime etc and throws MASSIVE tantrums if DH tries to do these things. Screaming, throwing, hitting, kicking. Until a month ago DH did alot of bedtimes which DS has never had a problem witb.

DS2 is 6 months old so obviously new sibling has been a big upheaval for him. I've tried showering him with love, cuddles, me doing everything for him in the hope the novelty will wear off but the tantrums and rejection of DH are getting more extreme.

DH is very patient and gentle with him but it's obviously upsetting for him, exhausting for me and distressing for us all to watch my son get so upset when my DH tries to look after him. For those that have been through this phase already what do you suggest? Thanks.

Following, we’re going through something similar.

Whilst I can't offer advice as such I just wanted to say you're not alone!
I'm going through this right now with my 3 (nearly 4) year old.
He only wants me and is rejecting my husband all the time which is upsetting.
No idea where it's stemmed from here as there hasn't been any change in our routine or circumstances.
Think like so many other phases all you can do is cuddle, reassure and ride it out and it'll pass.
I think they just start getting more in tune with their emotions at that age and that is a factor.

Same here with 3.5 year old! It’s driving me insane as she’s glued to me apart from when I am at work. She won’t let Daddy do anything, just screams for me. She is up in the night every night too and won’t go back to sleep unless I’m on her floor.

My elder child didn’t go through this stage but it sounds like it’s quite common and I’m thinking we just need to ride it out unfortunately. Good luck!

No real advice here either but solidarity, we had this with DD around the same age - She would go bananas if DH was tasked with doing something, he found it hard too, effectively being rejected all the time, and obvs tiring for me being on duty all the time (night time was the worst). She's much better now -touch wood- and treats us both with the same distain only a stroppy head strong (but ultimately lovely) 4yr old can.
As with all phases this one will be over eventually and replaced with something else.

Reading this thread reminded me that DS1 went through a really intense phase of preferring/demanding DH after DS2 was born. I found it incredibly upsetting and it was also hard work for DH. I sobbed and sobbed over it at the time - but I'd forgotten it even happened until I read this thread and DS2 is only 9 months. It just slowly lessened and actually probably didn't last that long in hindsight - a couple of months, maybe? - though it felt like it was never going to end at the time. I don't think anything we did made much difference, it just passed. Solidarity and sympathy to you and your DH - being both the chosen one and the rejected one is so hard, in different ways!

Just here to show some solidarity too!
Our DS is nearly 21 months and has for a long time always preferred me. Now he’s a toddler this has really ramped up - he will shout and scream at his dad, push him, reject him from doing something or helping him, just to come and get me by the hand and take me to do it, even down to screaming if his dad sits near us. Won’t let him carry him, put him in the car seat or pram or now even bath time if he knows I’m there.
No big life change so all I can presume is because his dad has worked a lot of ever changing shifts as a PC since he was born so has missed out a lot of time where I’ve been there.
Don’t have any advice but whilst lovely to know you’re the chosen one, it’s also SO exhausting! I’ve read that trying to get the other parent involved more and taking a step back can work but so far he just resists and shouts for me.

Yeo, same here. Ds who is 4.5 is like this. Dd is 6m so its clearly a reaction to that.

No advice but im right there with ya

Thank you for the solidarity everyone. I'm sorry you're all experiencing this too though, it really is tough. Seems like we're all just going to have to ride it out, hopefully will be another phase that turns into a distant memory soon!

This is such hard work and you quickly become touched out/sensory overload. For us DH taking DD1 out weekly with just them together to build up their relationship.

We had the same up till the age of 3.5 or so, then it passed. Bedtimes were particularly hard and no younger sibling here. But it gradualy improved and went away. My child still prefers me in the evenings, but if I am not there, it is no longer a problem.

Also going through this with our 3, nearly 4 year old DS. And there’s no baby here!

I’m exhausted. He sleeps glued to me (which means I don’t sleep well) and he has to be touching me all day, even while I’m trying to cook. He gets so upset and screams at DH if he tries to do anything for him. There was even a tantrum in the street last week where he was screaming I want my mummy and refusing to get in the car as DH was doing his seatbelt. Looked like DH was a child snatcher!

I know it won’t last forever but my older child went through this phase much quicker and without being quite so suffocating and extreme in his clinginess. I think that Covid and spending half his life in this strange lockdown world has caused it to some extent.

I can’t wait til next September when he goes to school!

I haven't got advice but just that it is exactly the same in our house. Luckily my husband is ok with it and sometimes finds it funny. I've got friends who's husbands are jealous about this which isn't helpful at all and quite childish.
What my husband does to get attention on to him (and to give me a break) is to play up to them and be a real clown - like tickle fights and playing 'horses' (where they climb on him). They can't resist this and gives me a chance to take a back seat.
The mum focus is hard, overwhelming and sometimes relentless but also totally normal.
This too shall pass.

Oh this takes me back!

Trust me you will miss this phase in a few years, my DS is now 8 and has started being ashamed of me and letting my hand when in public etc. He loves spending time with his father as they have common interests.

But yes, I remember at the time being tired and that it was creating a weird environment at home. It's just a phase, but you can try and include your DH at bathing etc , so you both do it together.

Sending you hugs and strength to all of you ladies, you need it ❤