I need help with my 2 year old.

[Letsbekindplease]

Hi.

Feeling a bit lost/sorry for myself.

My daughter is 2.5 years old and usually an absolute dream with the odd tantrum but nothing too extreme. That was…until this week! I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and our routine is wrong. I know it is but I’m currently pregnant with baby number 2 and really struggling.

So this week we have had 2 major tantrums. At meal times because DD won’t eat her dinner and demands pudding. Was a great eater until a recent cold/cough and went completely off food so yes, she got anything that she fancied and I think this is a bit of the issue. When I said no to pudding tonight hell broke lose and I was really concerned at her reaction. She eventually said sorry and we hugged but jeez, I’m starting to think this is her from now on.

Her attitude this week is hitting me when I say no or hitting anything (walls table etc).

Our routine is usually waking up in my bed because she sometimes wakes through the night and it’s easier to bring her in. I don’t actually mind it because it means she sleeps longer, until about 7.30/8. We get up breakfast, play, tv. Dressing is an issue. Not tantrums just running from me, brushing teeth also an issue. Having to eventually force her to do this otherwise it won’t be done. Head out for the day/ walk etc. Lunch about noon and by about half 1/2 she naps and can nap sometimes until about 4pm. Dinner is about 5/5.30 usually always home cooked. She is hardly eating it. Start bed time at 7 have a bath/shower book milk bed for 7.30/8. Sometimes settles quick sometimes doesn’t.

Usually sleeps until 1 when nappy needs changed as it’s heavy. Will sometimes go down until 4am when she cornea in with us. Still in cot.

I don’t know what I’m asking here but I’m starting to worry and panic about the tantrums and being pregnant and if this is her routine forever. Just looking for someone to tell me if our routine is terrible or not and how it can be changed. She does need a nap as by about mid day crabbit as hell and won’t eat her tea ( not that she’s doing that with a nap anyway lol)

Thanks.

What is it your not happy with? When is your baby due? When she comes in from 4 does she go back to sleep and does she settle for her Dad too or long just for you?

Just if the tantrums and routine could be playing a part ? Or is she waking because of our routine ?

Yes she comes right in and falls asleep. I’m not due until may but I have terrible sickness and hip pain and walking is already an issue.

I’d be stopping the milk at night.
And I’d put her in a bed. Mine were in a bed at 2 as they were banging themselves on the cot sides in their sleep, and it was waking them up.

It will get better OP!
My 4 year old was a wicked 2 year old (and I say that for a living place!).
Everything was difficult... getting dressed, eating, sleeping, shopping, the trolley, the park... literally everything.
And the things that were once hard turned into things that became easy... and something else came along 😂
The best was to think about a tantrum is that it's your child's way of communicating something to you. Just keep calm and quiet when it happens, plan ahead and most importantly pick your battles!!!
I can absolutely assure you though that this is not how it will be forever... it will get easier and better ♥️

It sounds like she's behaving like a normal 2 year old. I'm sure it will pass.

Personally I wouldn't let her nap after 3pm though. I never wake a baby/toddle so I'd bring the nap an hour earlier even if it means lunch at 11/11:30 am.

I found that if they slept after 3pm they would wake up too early.

She does have a long afternoon nap still? 2-3hrs and not finishing until 4pm, I’m surprised she’s then tired enough for bed.
Coming in with you/night waking is completely normal at that age though. I recommend Lyndsey Hookway to follow on Instagram/Facebook for reassurance about normal sleep at each age.

Tantrums and faffing around with meals/getting dressed/teeth all seem fairly standard. It’s exhausting but keep going and it often gets easier as their language and understanding improves. Another 6months until your new baby arrives so don’t panic. You’ll manage.

All sounds pretty normal to me, she’s a clever wee thing testing out the boundaries and exploring whether if she screams that you will eventually give the pudding or not. It’s exhausting and testing, I have a 3yr old that has her moments like this and it can be grim, but at these moments I find it helps to look at her as struggling with all these big feelings she finds hard to control. She just needs patience and love, boundaries to be clear and held firmly but kindly.

Can you make dressing a game? Brush the teeth along with mr tumbles teeth cleaning song? I have to do that still with my eldest.
With the food you can keep anything pudding like out of sight during the main. Explain you only get pudding if you eat your main. Say you can’t be hungry enough for pudding because you’ve not eaten enough main. Whatever you prefer and hopefully the message will sink in when it’s calmly explained. My eldest is the most awful eater with gagging issues, we got referred to the dietitians, nothing worked. In end I chilled out about food and now he eats a really good range of food, still doesn’t always want to try new foods but is constantly improving. So don’t panic about the food.
If you want her to go to bed earlier move the nap forward but she will wake up earlier so it depends on what you want.
Don’t worry about the tantrums, they pass.

I was advised when pregnant with DD2 that any changes you want to make eg potty training and/or moving into a bed to do 6 months before the new baby arrives so it becomes the new norm. I wouldn’t make 2 big changes at once though. I would consider moving her into a bed soon because you don’t want to be doing that when you have a new baby. If you have room for a small double then it would be a good idea for you and DH to take turns climbing into bed with her at 4 so she becomes used to DH dealing with her during the night. Don’t forgot to teach things like getting herself dressed.

Remember to sleep with a pillow between your legs to relieve the pressure on your hips.

I have a 2 year old and we have lunch early and he naps 12:30-2 then goes to bed at 7. He does a lot of the behaviours you are describing but usually when he is overtired

Stop the milk at night, stick to your guns and keep her in her cot that will be a nightmare when the new baby arrives if she's in your bed. That nap is also way too late IMO. The tantrums sound completely normal to be honest my daughter is 2 years 4 Months and is the same.

Sounds fairly normal to me for her age. My eldest is 2.5 and has started having regular tantrums recently. I’ve noticed it’s mostly connected to a tooth that is taking forever to come up and also testing boundaries. Same issue with running away from me to get dressed and has always fought teeth brushing.

I would limit drinks after dinner and see if that helps with the nappy, mine is still in a cot and only wakes in the night for teething or feeling scared (I think, he has limited speech).

This is our routine if it helps:
7:00 wake, breakfast, play etc and usually out for the morning
11:30/12:00 lunch
12:30-3:00 nap (wake at 3 if not awake)
5:30 dinner
6:30 bath, story, wind down
7:00 bed

Sounds very similar to my 2.5 year old. They really test the boundaries at this age to see how easily you will give into their demands, hold firm.
If you want make any changes to routine like not letting her sleep in your bed it would be better to do it now rather than when baby arrives so it’s not too much change all at once.
My DD has also been hitting me recently. My approach has been just to not react in a big way and calmly say ‘I won’t let you hit me’ and move away from her, and to give lots of praise when she’s gentle. It seems to be having the right impact had she hasn’t done it in the last few days so much.
It’s such a difficult age isn’t it! Good luck!

Thanks for all your lovely replies and wonderful advice. You’ve certainly made this mum feel a bit better! I think it’s easy to compare to other people sometimes.

We’ve had 2 more melt down since this post yesterday. Accepted its perfectly normal but still stresses me especially when it’s in public and trying to get her in a car seat. All because she wouldn’t hold my hand when busy traffic!
Going to cut milk to earlier on than right before bed. She was up about 3 am last night and again, nappy so heavy so probably why she woke. We use pampers for night so it’s just the sheer output causing the wetness. Today absolutely zero issues with dressing and teeth tried the mr tumble song but she wasn’t interested.
Thanks again.

All sounds very normal 2 year old behaviour to me! My 2 year old is he really a delight but we also have issues with teeth brushing and the odd tantrum over getting in the car seat/ wanting something she can't have etc.
I wake her at 2pm (nap 12.30-2pm) so she is properly tired for 7pm bedtime and she generally sleeps well. I don't bring her into our bed in the middle of the night if she wakes though. I don't think you need to worry as all sounds very normal to me!

Just wanted to check in and say thanks to everyone who responded. I have taken a chill pill and have accepted the tantrums are perfectly normal which has led me to handling them better haha.

We’ve cut the nap to an hour and bedtime has been brought forward. Sometimes still in our bed through but I can live with that. Some nights sleeping theough which is great.

Oh the trials and tribulations of a toddler. Thanks everyone x

I don’t have any advice but my 2 year old girl is the same and I’m pregnant. I find she’s worse when tired/hungry/out of routine/teething/sick.

Could you try changing her routine? Perhaps an earlier bedtime? I’m thinking of trying it too

Re the nappy as others said reduce liquids late one but I'd go a size up for extra absorbancy so it doesn't need changing in the night, less disturbance means more chance of sleeping through