Starting to resent partner

[Evans97]

Anyone else start to resent there partner after giving birth?

I don't know what's got into me, he can't do anything right in my mind. I don't do his tea or ironing or anything for him anymore. I just don't have the motivation to be a good gf to him. We are literally living separate lives just under the same roof. Most of the time I feel like I'd be happier on my own.

Anyone been through this before? Is it just baby brain, does it get better or is it worth separating before things get bad?

Spent a lot of time really disliking my dh, we're still together though and our eldest is almost 16 now.

You will have a lot of ups and downs because of children, don't throw the towel in too soon. Speak to him about anything that is bugging you and hopefully you can work it out together.

What’s a ‘good girlfriend’? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to be something you think he wants?
Is he a partner that is sharing the care of the baby?

Do you think being a good girlfriend means cooking for him and doing his ironing?

Jesus wept.

How old is your baby? I resented my partner in the early days even though he was doing everything for me. I don't think it would have helped if he was still expecting me to cook and do his laundry.

In my case it was partly hormonal, things settled down after a few weeks and now we have a second baby and I don't feel resentful at all - I am grateful for him every day!

Does he help with the house, the baby? Are you resentful or just knackered? I am just knackered really, I feel immense rage that the stair carpet needs hoovering and he hasn't done it....... shock: neither have I!

Sometimes I think he's just there so it's easy to take out my frustrations and moaning on him, but really, we're both just muddling through as best we can.

FYI, he does 50/50 with everything really, I just get cross that my life isn't perfect!

I really remember feeling resentful of my DH when we had our first. His life seemed to carry on pretty much as it was before but with the addition of our beautiful baby. My life completely changed overnight and it suddenly centred around the care of this small and helpless brand new person.

Even though my DH was very hands on when he was at home, I resented his freedom to go out to work and be with adults and I resented his enjoyment of our baby when he was at home when I just couldn’t help but find it completely overwhelming and all consuming.

I don’t know if that helps you make sense of how you are feeling. I’m sure it’s common to feel that way. If you’re resentful because he has expectations of you that you can’t meet then that’s another problem.

It’s hard work when they’re small. I’d like to say it gets easier as they get more independent but… I think actually you just get used to how all consuming it is and the memory of how free you were before fades.

What will get you through it is working together as a team. Acknowledging your resentment but know it is not helpful and move on. And make sure you both get regular breaks to just be yourselves and do things you enjoy.