5 year old worried about appearance

[Oysterbabe]

My DD is nearly 6 and in year 1. In recent months she has become very concerned about her appearance. She spends a long time each morning looking in the mirror, changing her hair, choosing clothes and getting upset that she doesn't look 'right'. This morning she was crying and very distressed, saying she looks horrible, the worst in the class.

I just don't know where this has come from and she refuses to talk to me about it. We aren't a family that put any emphasis on looks. I wear make up probably a few times a year, I've never criticised my own appearance in front of her. I tell her that she is beautiful (she is) but that the way people look isn't important, being a nice person is important. Nothing I say makes any difference.

I'm a bit lost in how to deal with it. I expected this kind of thing at maybe 14. She's 5

I'd start with trying to find where it's come from. Does she have an older sister or spend time with an older child? Do you use a childminder/nanny/babysitter? Any chance she's watched something on TV/YouTube? Is there another child like this at school?

I wonder if it could be the manifestation of a general anxiety/anxiety about something else. Has anything happened in her life that could have unsettled her/upset her? Is she generally an anxious child? Does she have another similar issues around perfection/control?

No advice but watching with interest. DD is 5 and in reception. She cried this morning because her hair ‘didn’t look right’ and ‘everyone would laugh at her’. I thought the same as you, expected this in teen years but certainly not yet.

She doesn't have any older siblings. She goes to an afterschool club and spends some time with older girls there. She always appears to be very happy and full of beans when I pick her up. I will admit that she watches too much YouTube and it's possible she's seen something there. She usually watches the big kid stars on there, Ryan and there's a girl who does gymnastics that she likes watching.

I can't think of any particular trigger but she is generally quite an anxious child. She doesn't cope well with getting something wrong or being unable to do something. If she's reading a book and can't work out one of the words for example she'll shut down and refuse to do it anymore.

Covid has been a factor the whole of her school life so I've never really been able to really speak to her teachers. We aren't allowed on the premises. She barely tells me a thing about school, I have to try and subtly prise little details out of her.

I think I'm going to email her teacher about it and ask if he's aware of anything that might be exacerbating this issue.

ANY YouTube for a 5yo is "too much" unless you're sitting next to them and they're watching something educational.

Email the school, I would bet there are mean girls either in her class or at after-school club - more likely in class if she comes out of ASC happy but is anxious before school in the mornings. Is she also worried about her appearance when getting up and ready on the weekend?

She's definitely not as bothered at the weekends. I think that's at least partly because she can wear what she wants. She has a few favourite outfits and she's always happy when she can wear those. She has an issue with the uniform and thinks it's ugly and makes her look ugly.

It's the wording, Ds is also in Yr1, will be 6 in March - he's never used the word ugly or described anything as ugly, his uniform is just something that he wears for school, there's no scrutiny.

He goes to a CM 4 nights a week with lots of older and younger kids, but, is not and will not be allowed any version of YouTube at all.
The teachers actually told them to go on YouTube and look for Christmas songs this week and he told then he can't as he's not allowed on it.

I've had an email from her teacher and he hasn't seen anything that could be contributing to this but is going to keep his eyes open going forward. He's going to think of a way he can discuss the issue with the whole class in circle time. He's also going to call me tomorrow to discuss how we can support her and deal with the issue.

This is YouTube-100%. Knock it on the head entirely, remove the device so it’s not possible to access it. She’s way too young to be on there.

She doesn't have unrestricted access. We have some parental controls on and are always in the room. She usually sits at the kitchen table and watches a few videos while I'm cooking. As I said, it's usually Ryan or similar. But it's definitely a potential source of the issue so we need to look at that.