So THIS is the 4 month regression hell 😭

[Shmerlock]

So I naively thought we'd hit the 4 month sleep regression a few weeks ago when my used-to-wake-once-a-night DD started fussing and waking 3/4 times. Oh how wrong I was!! She's now 21 weeks and since last weekend has been waking hourly, sometimes less than hourly, through the night and refusing to settle unless breastfed back to sleep. I am beyond exhausted and at my wits end. How do we overcome this stage!?!

I've tried rocking/bouncing/shushing to sleep - she'll nod off on me but the minute I start to lower her down she screams. If my partner tries to settle her she becomes hysterical!! We live in a terraced house and our poor neighbours must be as shattered as we are, you can hear everything through the walls.

Co-sleeping is not an option as she won't settle with that either - have tried before and it's a no go. Plus, she still wakes just as regularly 😫.

I love my DD so so much but my god this is making me feel so angry!!! Any advice appreciated!

Hey Schmerlock!

I’ve no advice but just wanted to post in solidarity! This sounds identical to what we are currently going through with our 17wk old and it is extremely exhausting. We have very reluctantly resorted to co-sleeping (nothing against it in principle it’s just that I don’t relax & sleep well for fear of squashing her!). It is working sort of, in that she settled for a 3-4 hr stretch before being up and down again the rest of the night.

We have enlisted the help of a sleep consultant who is going to call me later today. I fear the co-sleeping will stop working too as everything else gradually has so need help before that happens!!!

I just can’t understand as in between the disaster nights there’s the very odd one where she sleeps through, so surely if it’s the issue of her not being able to settle herself to sleep she wouldn’t be able to do that?! Aghhh it’s a complete mystery!

Are you breastfeeding? I’m EBF and everyone keeps pushing me towards FF as if it’s the magic solution, but I’ve got a bad back so rocking isn’t an option (and the little I’ve tried doesn’t work!) and she won’t self settle, so if I couldn’t feed to sleep I’d be really stuck!

If I glean any pearls of wisdom from the sleep consultant I’ll let you know!!!

@Seahorse87 thank you for your reply! This sounds exactly like our situation, it's so difficult isn't it? I feel like the walking dead today 😴, and my daughter is so grouchy as she just isn't getting any sleep? Does your little one nap well? Ours will only do half hour naps, 45mins if we're lucky, and only in her pram or car seat!

I'm EBF too, she refuses to take bottles - even of expressed milk. She won't take a dummy either, just spits it out all the time. She's been having quite bad wind at night recently which isn't helping things 🙈.

Please let me know how you get on with the sleep consultant! If this carries on I think we may have to do similar!! Sending solidarity of hugs (and big cups of tea!!) Xx

@Seahorse87 sorry my brain is fried today, meant to add I think our issue is similar in that I always fed her to sleep - and now think I've made a rod for my own back as she only associates sleep with boob!! I just fed on demand as that's what I was advised to do when she was born, but now she just screams and cries when she wakes until I pop her on my boobs! Nightmare!

Hey, I'm in the same boat too with my 21 week old, it's been like this for nearly 3 weeks so far. She'll have a 2-3 hour stint when we first put her down at around 7/7.30pm but after that she's up pretty much hourly. Day naps are very variable, usually 40 minutes but then she does sometimes do a long one especially if out in the pram. I'm exhausted! I'm EBF too. Co sleeping is a bit hit or miss, sometimes it helps her get a longer stretch of sleep but other times it makes no difference. I'm debating putting her in her own room soon as apparently with breastfed babies it helps not being able to smell the milk. I know guidance is 6 months but we live in a tiny house where her room is literally 5 steps from ours so I figure trying it at 5.5 months isn't the worst thing in the world.

We don't have much trouble getting her to sleep in the first place so I think our bedtime routine is fine, and even in the night when she wakes she usually feeds and goes back to sleep. It's the staying asleep that doesn't happen!

Let us know how it goes with the sleep consultant!

@Luckyelephant1 3 weeks!! 😭 You must be shattered, I'm on my knees and it's only been a week!! I keep wondering if she'll be better in her own room too.

We've had the same bedtime routine for a couple of months now but at the moment she cries and cries until I feed her to sleep regardless of the routine. Each time she wakes she cries and it just builds and builds until I feed her!

Our house is small too and her room would be right next door ours. I'm hoping once she's in there it'll be better!! 🤞🏻 Fingers crossed for us all!

We had a few weeks where she self settled, then it all went out the window & back to feed to sleep. Feeding to sleep is such a natural thing to do that I refuse to listen to the ‘rod for your back’ talk (when I have the energy to stand up to it!) but anyone else I know who does this can still put theirs down asleep but we can no longer do that without waking her. I would continue to do it a while longer if it worked for us.

Ironically her naps have gotten better. She used to hate napping on walks, but we discovered if we take her out as she’s getting tired and move the pram super slow she’s asleep in minutes, then I leave her at the back door and she’ll nap anything from 30 mins to 3 hours! I still need to walk or feed or her for all of them at the moment, but length isn’t an issue. I’ve just had to wake her to feed which is hateful when it’s so hard to get her to sleep sometimes 🙈

She won’t take a bottle or dummy either, although we do keep trying!

@Luckyelephant1 I know so many people who moved them out at the 2-3 month mark as they reckoned both baby and parents got more sleep this way, it’s a tough call! Could you partner sleep in the room with her some nights and you sleep elsewhere in the house? We did this a few weekends before this regression so I could sleep better as o woke with every shuffle, my DH just got me when she woke for a feed. Im leaving her at the back door for naps so technically not in same room but it’s the only way I get a break, and I just stay in the kitchen keeping an eye on her.

@Seahorse87 I know I agree, I keep being told it's my own fault as she needs to go down 'drowsy but awake' - that just doesn't work for us, she screams and cries and becomes so distressed! Feeding to sleep has always worked, and like you said she has been able to self- settle with it before. If it brings her comfort I'm not going to refuse her.

We've had a nightmarish day today - she has napped once, in the car for an hour and nothing since. Won't stop crying, I've tried our usual walks in the pram and she's hysterical to the point she's choking!! Currently feeding her in the hopes of getting another nap 🤞🏻.

Some days she'll sleep in the pram, today is a no go. I think she's just so overtired that nothing is sending her off to sleep now!! Not got high hopes for tonight!

Have you tried (safely) co-sleeping so you can side BF and both sleep?

@Mamamamasaurus we tried it but she didn't take to it, would feed and snooze but the minute I move she wakes - plus still wakes after an hour 😔

I'm right in it with you and feed back to sleep 4 or 5 times a night plus endless bouncing on the ball, rocking and shushing and holding hands down to stop the startle reflux in between!

It will end. I'm just riding it out with no expectations of achieving anything beyond keeping us alive in the day

We have (hopefully) passed the regression now with my nearly six month old but just wanted to say, don't stress yourself out about feeding to sleep, etc. It's just a stage and it will pass! I tried all the drowsy but awake nonsense and he always slept worse, waking more in the night. Going to sleep relaxed and cuddled up then put in his cot just works for him. Still feeding to sleep and he is back to getting up once a night, if that! These sleep consultants prey on tired mamas! Hope it passes soon!!! X

I genuinely don't know how I'm coping tbh! This week she's actually had some amazing long day naps but it's because I've out and about for lots of long walks as if I stay in the house I find my exhaustion is worse. The worst thing is prising my eyes open on the millionth wake up of the night, it's actually painful. It will end, that's all I keep telling myself! Tbh although she wakes up a lot she does fall back asleep quickly once she's had a feed so all I'm really doing is sleepily picking her up and plonking her on the boob then back again. If I had to properly get up and rock her back to sleep every time I don't think I'd be coping well at all.

@Shmerlock today sounded tough! Praying you have a better night’s sleep!! Or at least some restful feeds! We managed ok with 4x walking naps (my step count is through the roof!) and I’ve just gone her down into the basket about 97% of the way to sleep and so far so good. Although I’m guessing she’ll be up again shortly as per previous nights so have the spare room prepped for co-sleeping if so!

@ScottishSleepyMum do you think your little one just was content being put down sleepy again, did you change anything else to help him settle himself? Take your point re: sleep consultants, but the price we’re looking at is a small price to pay for someone with a bit more experience in this field to help shape a plan to get us through this & support us through the next couple of months! Not expecting miracles but even some reassurance we are doing our best would go a long way at this stage 😊

@Luckyelephant1 that’s good it’s not taking her long to get back down! We are struggling with that aspect more than the number of wake ups tbh! Hope you get some rest tonight 🤞

@Flittingaboutagain I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed it ends for us all soon!!

@ScottishSleepyMum that's so reassuring, I had a bit of a meltdown today and felt as though I was letting DD down by not helping her settle herself. I'm going to carry on as I usually would for now and hopefully this will pass.

@Luckyelephant1 god I know, it gets progressively harder through the night waking up - it's brutal. I'm the same, still force myself out or I'd go mad inside!! She's a busy body my DD and so loves being out and about!! But today wouldn't nap in the pram no matter what I did!!

@Seahorse87 thank you!! Honestly she is quite a high maintenance baby!! So alert, wants to see EVERYTHING which makes getting her to sleep in the pram tricky. If I try when she's not sleepy she will scream until I take her out, it I put her in sleepy she'll sleep 40ish mins max before waking - no matter how far or long I walk - and then demand to be taken out!! We're going through teething at the moment plus she has silent reflux so it's a lot!!! Hoping we both have better nights sleep soon!!

Hi @Seahorse87, of course, sorry hope I didn't offend! I bought online courses in a tired panic but just got myself into a stressed out state trying to teach him to self settle, etc. I still feed to sleep! Well, I give him his bottle and hold him until he drifts off then put him down which is what I done before the regression hit too. Never changed anything but always had the same bedtime routine - bath, then bottle which seemed to work. Although I am dreading moving him into his own room and any change but hey ho! X

21 weeks - so just over 5 months? She could be getting ready for some solids.

Baby rice (made with your breastmilk) could be something to try to get you over the hump until the 6 month mark. She's only 3 weeks of weaning....obvs entirely your choice, have a chat with your health visitor or GP about it perhaps?

@ScottishSleepyMum none taken 😊. I’d follow your lead if I could get her down into the cot / basket. Don’t mind feeding to sleep and happy to wait out the frequent wakes, unfortunately it’s the transfer where we struggle. Co-slept from 9.30pm to 7am last night & it’s the best sleep I’ve in days so going to keep doing that for a bit.

@Shmerlock ours has been described as very alert too! And the ‘problems’ are really good signs of development…just a struggle to get everyone enough rest 😊. The sleep consultant is going to help us gradually work towards settling her in her cot. Will let you know how that goes but it’s likely to be a few days before we start so it’s off to the spare room for me until then!

@Luckyelephant1 it’s interesting that your little one does self settle, as this regression often gets blamed on them not having that skill! Just goes to show there’s much more to it! Complicated little creatures aren’t they!

How is everyone coping?! We had the worst nights sleep we’ve ever had 😭! LO has gone from sleeping through the night in her basket to not even really sleeping when held. Naps are still ok when she’s walked to sleep in the pram, but expect they’ll fall apart soon as everything else has 🙈! Surely the 4 month regression can’t mean they get worse than they were as a newborn?!

@Seahorse87 oh no!!! That sounds horrendous, you must all be so exhausted and your LO too!! I wish our babies could see that a god night's sleep would make everything better!! My partner and I said the same, it's like we've got a newborn again.

We had a pretty awful night too, our LO is full of a cold and miserable. She just wouldn't settle until about 1am, then woke every hour with coughing fits from being so congested 😔. We're all absolutely knackered!! I'm hoping things improve for us all soon, it's becoming so hard to function on so little sleep!! 😫

We had an awful night on Friday night with wakeups every 45-60min, but last night was better as she did a couple of 2-3 hour stretches. I find the wakeups get progressively more frequent through the night so I'm always lulled into a false sense of security when she first goes down got the night and sleeps a lovely 3 hours. The problem is that's usually around 7-7.30 which is too early for me to sleep!

I looked back at when this regression started (via my WhatsApp messages to friends begging them for advice lol) and it was the first couple of days in November. So it's been nearly a month, really hoping it ends soon 😭

@Luckyelephant1 thats almost identical to us! Although at the moment it's a battle getting her down to sleep - it's like she knows we're trying to put her to bed and kicks off!! 🙈

I feel like we've hit a real fussy stage at the moment! Her teeth are driving her mad, everything goes in her mouth and she manically chews and sucks her hands/our hands/anything near her mouth!! She gets so frustrated with it, like it's so uncomfortable. And the amount of drool is crazy!! Poor girl 😫 combine that with a cold and she's not best pleased!

I'm keeping everything crossed it improves for us all soon!!! This is torture!

Any improvements ladies? I feel like we've gotten worse rather than better!!

1. “Drowsy but awake” is a mythical state for some babies – babies that do it, do it. Those that don’t, don’t – it’s not something you’re doing wrong.
2. DD woke hourly til 18 months then spontaneously slept through. You will survive!
3. Strong coffee, hot showers, fresh air, chocolate. All for you. Fuck knows what you do for babies, I was all about “how do I survive”.
4. Baby rice is nutrition-free shite and “feed them up and they’ll sleep through” is bollocks. I’ve known DD sleep through off no dinner, or have a shit night after second helpings – it’s a crapshoot.
5. Swearing violently in the shower helps.
6. Don’t time the wake ups or look at your watch or look for improvements or try to spy a pattern - you feel more rested if the night passes in a horrific blur than if you’re counting.
7. DD woke when co sleeping too, but at least I was horizontal and warm. This also helped.

FF and self settling are sadly not magical solutions - DD1 was FF and self settled from about 5 months, yet still woke frequently until she walked at 11 months. DD2 4mo is almost there with self settling and is FF, yet is currently waking hourly. She comes into bed with me around 4am when I lose the plot, and normally does a two hour stretch then until her sister wakes her up at 6am. Poor DP back on the sofa for the forseeable.

I think she would be better in a room by hersef because I snore and sleep talk a lot, but until we convert the loft the only other bedroom option is sharing with her 3yo sister who sleep talks AND sleep walks 😬

I am surviving on heavily caffeinated drinks and chocolatey snacks. Solidarity to anyone else doing the same.