Indirect contact order child doesn’t want to reply to letters

[Mam03]

Hi , I’m looking for advice or if anyone is or has been in the same situation. My child’s dad was issued an indirect contact order in the way of letters one per month back in December, he has written 3 letters to him and send Xmas and birthday card and gifts. He always puts the letters in the bin which I get back out to keep for future incase he ever wants them .My son has refused to write back every time despite being encouraged to do so by me , a letter has just arrived and my son wants to write back to say stop sending letters and that he doesn’t want any communication , I feel uncomfortable him saying this as my ex will blame me , do I say well perhaps just don’t respond at all or do I let him write what he wants which will be very negative ? Child is 10 ,
Thanks In advance

I wouldn’t let your child respond. It will be a red rag to a bull and your ex will want to win the battle be enforcing the court order. Or if you do let your child respond take the letter but don’t send it and then intercept all the letters from his father in the future and keep them somewhere for him incase he decides he wants to read them.

What were the circumstances that led to your ex only being given a letter contact order? I'm not prying but I think it would have an impact on what would be best to do. If you feel your ex was abusive to your son and you think it is not in his best interests to see his dad then I would respect his decision and let him send a letter saying what he wishes to. Photocopy it as it will be evidence of his views if you end up back in court. If your ex gives you grief, speak to the police and women's organisations about a non-molestation order or equiv. If, however, the relationship between your son and his dad was generally a positive thing but his dad has made decisions that would make it unwise for them to have face to face contact (eg using drugs) then I would let him write the letter, send it, but put in a note of your own to his dad to say that you think he is hurt and scared and testing his dad's commitment to him. Encourage his dad to please keep writing the letters as it will be important for your son to know his dad cares and is committed to their relationship, even if he's not well enough to be a more active parent at the moment.

Thankyou fir the replies, it is definitely in his best interest not see dad he has always been very inconsistent in his life he truly damaged our son emotionally and in the end neglect. This has gone on for 10 years. In the end my son actually was prescribed anxiety medication for around 12 months as a result of trying contact with dad through supervised and contact centres and from what he has done to him over 10 years. I will also add we are 12 months into the indirect court order which was 1 letter per month and this is the 3rd. @TradedAtlanta

I went through this when my ex was given indirect contact only. He was allowed to write once a month but barely managed three times a year. Each time he wrote, my son wanted to write back to say stop it.

I discouraged him from doing so as, knowing his father, he would see even that reply as a positive or some degree of engagement.

In the end, I told my son I would keep the letters from his dad but he didn't have to read them. I always let him know when a letter arrived but he's never read them (not that there's been many anyway!)

Good luck.

Whatever the circumstances, you could let your son reply, even if negatively, and put your own note in, as suggested by a pp, explaining to his Dad that it’s your son’s decision at the end of the day, and you can’t force him to reply, but that you have been encouraging him, and will keep any letters/cards/presents etc. from his Dad to give him, if he ever changes his mind. I would also let your ds know that you’re doing this.

I would let him write the letter but tell him it won't be sent right now because decisions should be thought about give him the option of not reading the letters from his dad until he is ready just shove them in a box

I told my son I would keep the letters from his dad but he didn't have to read them.

Do this. At least your DS hasn't been ordered to write back, that really would be a headache. Hopefully they don't make children do this anymore. Tell your DS you will keep the letters in case he ever wants to read them (plus you will have proof that you don't destroy them if it ever comes to that.)

Perhaps he would benefit from counselling so he can get his feelings and thoughts out?

I would not send him a letter back, just intercept the letters from now on, store them and if he wants to read them when hes older then so be it.

Writing to his dad saying he does not want to see him would just be ammo. I would let this lie and intercept them and never tell your son again!