Children’s manner

[Mummy3112]

Hi I was wondering other people opinions on this! As a mum I obviously have taught my daughter who is now 7 to say please and thank you and always be polite ect , so today she asked ‘mummy can I watch YouTube’ and my mum (her nan) straight away said ‘were are your manners’ which she will say quite harshly and not in a nice tone to her if she ever forgets to say please. Honestly it’s like she’s willing it so she can just say something. Today this annoyed me abit as my daughter spoke in a soft tone in a polite manner as she always does, so I said to my mum give her a break she’s asked nicely she’s relaxed in her own home speaking to her mum in a polite manor she wasn’t being rude she’s 7. she always says thankyou if she gets given anything ect and please when asking for something the odd time she may not say it and straight away my mum will pick up on it and criticise her for it. Anyway my opinion is that as long as she’s a polite child and carry’s her self in such a way then the odd time she may not say please is fine if she is speaking politely and asking a casual question to her own mum! I wouldn’t shout at her for simply just being a child. But my mum insists she must absolutely say it every time or it’s being rude . Just wondering opinions obviously manners are extremely important in most cases but relaxed at home in casual conversation I think it can be let slip

Does your mum live with you?
If not she's near and comes round a lot?
Or don't you see her frequently?

I think she's totally out of line. Weirdly so. Being horrible tbh.

Firstly your DD asked you. Not her. How you and your daughter interact is not for her to comment on (I mean unless abusive!). If she thinks DD has something going on not good then she should talk to you. Telling DD off directly about the totally standard way she speaks to her own mum in her own home is just really not on. At all.

My children are v polite often get comments. Friends are surprised that they say thank you when food dished up. Workmates have overheard on phone and said blimey you're very polite to each other! (They're teens now).

It wasn't deliberate or even on purpose. Me and DH do say thanks to each other and please to person who cooked, can you nip to shop etc. The kids picked it up.

(They can be stroppy grumpy sods as well obv teens now!). It's just automatic though.

But I mean FFS in a family saying please and thank you every single thing is bonkers! And so formal. A bit well families different communication varies massively! But FFS that's overly formal, not relaxed, downright Victorian type thing!

That’s ridiculous. Being polite doesn’t have to mean saying please, it can be how you ask and, ‘mummy can I watch YouTube’ is perfectly fine. She’s not exactly snatching the iPad from you whilst shouting ‘I’m watching YouTube NOW!’ Things should be a bit relaxed at home.

I think your mum sounds like she’s on a bit of a power trip, out to prove her superior parenting skills by correcting your daughter and showing you what you should be doing. Fuck that. She’ll be doing more harm than good speaking to a child in a horrible tone when she’s done nothing wrong.

If it happens often, I’d be reluctant to put my child around her too much, and definitely supervised when she is. My daughter was quite an anxious kid at that age and that would have probably upset. 😔

*upset her

It's an old people control thing

If it was my DD we'd have a chat and a laugh about it and every time it happens again we'd give each other the look and she'd say whatever Nan wanted to hear to keep her quiet and happy and off our backs.

Treat it as a boring game that has to be played

Ahem.

The irony your mum rudely pointing out her grand daughter's lack of manners....

DD is 7.

I would definitely have had s chat about granny is lovely but got some funny ideas. You didn't do anything wrong at all. She's being a bit weird about this!

@jamandmarmalade21

Ahem.

The irony your mum rudely pointing out her grand daughter's lack of manners....

How do you mean? Sorry don't understand.

Because it is rude of the grandma to point out her grandaughter's perceived lack of manners.

The grandma is being rude.

Ah got it! Was being dim

no worries

Your Q is about your child's manners but personally I'd worry more about your DM's demeanour towards her!
DM is being unreasonable here. It's not nice to overly chastise a child (or anyone really)

Thankyou so much! I totally agree I’m going to say something today about this because it’s annoyed me all night she’s so quick to say something about her grandchildren but if I point something out about my younger siblings who are 12 13 and 10 and still live at home there is a problem like I’m not aloud to say anything it is like abit of a power trip now I think about it. Weird it’s getting me more annoyed thinking about it so deff will be saying something today!