"Difficult" 15 mo PLEASE HELP!

[ButWeWereOnaBreak]

Evening all,

I have a wonderful 15mo DS. Really funny, cheeky and active. He was always quite a high needs baby and everyone kept reassuring me that he would become happier and easier to manage as he got older and reached his milestones. Unfortunately this hasn't been the case. One other thing that LOTS of people used to comment on (and still do) is how active he is. He will not sit down for more than a few seconds (unless there's a screen involved which we try to avoid as much as we can). He is constantly on the move and always has been. I suspect this is why he learnt to walk quite early on- he just seems very driven/frustrated and wants to do the next thing if that makes any sense! Anyway, let me stop rambling and get to the point...
My current struggle is that he gets upset and in particular, angry, VERY quickly. Most of the time I can't even tell what's annoyed him, but he will pinch/scratch/hit me and sometimes others, or hit his own head with his hands or toys/objects. It's very difficult to take him anywhere other than soft play because he just can become frustrated so quickly if he can't just run around and explore as he wants. Don't get me wrong- I'm not taking him to fancy restaurants or anything like that every week and complaining that I can't finish a 3 course meal...but while my fellow mums of kids of similar ages are having day trips to the museum, going on trains to make a day of the city or taking their babies along when they meet for a quick coffee, I either 1. Try to go and regret doing so as soon as I get there because DS is whining or crying the entire time, 2. Turn back/leave early or 3. I just don't go. I feel like such a rubbish mother when I miss out. I keep getting family and friends telling me that I just need to take the plunge and I find this very frustrating. My husband was saying the same to me (probably just though I was moaning needlessly) until we went to a wedding with DS yesterday and we took turns to eat as DS would scream and fling himself backwards if we tried to pick him up to move him out of the way so had to be supervised while he played by himself in a random corridor. DS is just SO strong willed and sensitive. DH and I are both about gentle parenting and I totally appreciate that DS is way too young to regulate himself and that nothing he does is out of malice...but how do I navigate this? I'm sure to others it can look like I'm being quite passive and DS is going to get spoilt if I continue to let him behave this way (I know I got a few looks at the wedding yesterday).

Today I took DS to the GP for a suspected ear infection (thankfully not the case). GP was running late and I know DS hates being retrained so I let him walk around a bit...but then he started leaving the waiting area and eventually ended up in one of the consultation rooms while I chased after him! I had to go in and apologise profusely to the GP (thankfully no patient) and get him out of there. I then held him for about 20 mins but the entire time he was whining and twisting and flinging trying to escape so I was walking from end to end to window to door etc just to distract him. It was a bloody workout and I was drenched in sweat by the time we got back home. I really don't mean to complain but...is this normal? Or can this be normal for 'active' toddlers or should I be worried? The GP did a full body check and commented that she was impressed at DS as he seems to be very bright and advanced for his age according to her.

Has anyone had a similar child? Does it get better? Am I doing something wrong? Could there be anything wrong with DS? He has met all his milestones on time if not early. Communicates quite well for his age but I can see he wants to be better at it, as he does with everything. I'd appreciate any advice.

TIA

Sorry I wanted to add- recently because of this behaviour, some family members have jokingly called DS an 'angry baby' and I found this quite upsetting. I said to DH (and he agreed) that it's important we don't get carried away with this label/narrative and I want DS to feel like we are there to support him and are in his corner when he struggles to regulate himself.

I get that a lot of what I mentioned is just usual toddler behaviour and I'm not trying to have unrealistic expectations of DS, but it looks like I'm having a much harder time with this stage than my peers.

Personally I limited days out at that age. Especially with my boys. The most I would do is a park where they can roam free. Perhaps a playgroup or soft play but again somewhere they are free to wander. It's too much to ask of them to expect them to sit in one place. He's still a baby! I've missed weddings and parties etc because they are just not ready.

It’s hard to say OP but he doesn’t sound dissimilar to my DS at that age. I found it very hard.

Even at 2 I have only taken him out for a meal once post covid and even then we had to take him outside. I wouldnt even try taking him for a coffee. I wouldn’t take him on public transport. I took him to the zoo a few weeks ago and we had to leave straight away as he wasn’t interested and was just messing around in front of the exhibits. I once took him to the Drs and tried to keep him quiet by doing walking laps of the waiting room and got told I had to keep him still on one spot (because covid) que tantrum.
A few tips:
I unashamedly use screens and I don’t care about it.
I walk him like a dog every day, sometimes twice a day. In addition to walking the actual dog.
We go to places that suit him and me, places like parks and outdoor gardens where he can roam a bit in the fresh air. He’s old enough now that he’ll have a snack in the cafe with me and it’s a nice experience.
Have low low low expectations and then lower them further. Think carefully about what’s worth the hassle.
I once read boys are hardwired for constant movement and I see that in my boy too.

My 3 year old is still the same. She is fine where she can run freely - park, soft play, anywhere child friendly. But can't really take her out for meals as she just gets bored and wants to explore. Shes fine eating at home but can't do it out and about. So it's only child friendly days out for us!

If I take her to the shops, I can go in get exactly what I need and leave, I can't look around at anything other than her, because she just doesn't have the patience. I see a lot of my friends taking their similar age children to 'adult' things like meals out etc... but mine just can't.
I really wouldn't worry not all children are the same. It might just be a few years of things geared for your DS

He sounds just like my DD1. She was difficult from the day she popped out, so different to all the other NCT babies. Full of energy, always crying, could get angry, never sat still, sat up at 5 months, crawled at 6, walking by 9 months. I call her a whirlwind. Not even a screen would distract her. Everything was tough from day 1. She's now nearly 2.5 and guess what....last weekend we went for a coffee....she sat opposite me, had a babychino in a mug, I had a latte and it was actually enjoyable. I had to pinch myself that it was happening. I can take her out now for a whole day (she's dropped her nap) and we have a good time!! I think the last couple of months have been a turning point as she's started pre school (early of course) and seems to have morphed from a baby to a child. She's still tough, but it's a different kind of tough and it's a million times better than her 15 month old self. So hang in there and get some good childcare if you can! In comparison, I now have a 12 month old DD2 and oh my god is she different....super chilled, super happy, super easy. No signs of walking just sits back watching her big sis run riot. Thank god I didn't have 2 of them! But on the flip side I've never had to worry about DD2 hitting any milestones she's always been way ahead, potty trained herself at 16 months, talking in full sentences, I honestly think she was just (and still is at times) frustrated by her little body and wants to push on. It's fab now when I see others her age that still seem like babies and she's attending preschool and just so advanced, even if she did slap me round the face today when I told her I loved her.... Oh well, you win some you lose some!

Just want to say my 18 month old DD done the exact same thing at the doctors on Friday (she does have an ear infection though!).. she cannot be contained, can’t sit still, it’s relentless 😂 I was also a sweaty mess after that visit

My little boy was the exact same as this, never ever stopped moving, he’s almost 20mo now and in the past six-ish weeks he’s suddenly learned how to chill, it’s very odd! He’ll sit and watch tv now for maybe 20-30 minutes in the morning - it freaked me out at first! But it’s also nice to see him not burn out all the time.

In regards to going out, I just roll with it, I’d rather go out and a few scenes caused but good memories too than be stuck inside. We were out all day today and there was a few times he kicked off, but I just pick him up and calmly explain why I’m doing what I’m doing (eg I’m picking you up because we’ve been on that toy car now for a long time and other children want to play so we need to get off, let’s go to a cafe for a drink and a biscuit - what drink do you want?) and speak to him calmly until he’s calmed down. It has worked for us so far. Distraction is key. His speech has come on loads too recently which helps.

I have no idea if what I’m doing is right, it’s all a guessing game. Hope your little one learns to relax soon!