5 year old sleeping on own. Advice please

[babygirl2016]

My girl has just turned 5 and is being a nightmare going to bed on her own. I've tried reward chart gradual retreat but as soon as I leave the room she wakes up. I know I've made a rod because I always lay next to her whilst she fell asleep and now she is still wanting this. If I lay with her while she gets in a deep sleep it's fine but I don't want to keep doing this. I feel bad and stupid that I'm writing this when my daughter is now 5 :(

I'm literally lying with my 6 year old right now waiting for her to sleep so I watch this thread with interest!

Please don't feel bad or stupid. You are neither. For most of human history in most cultures worldwide this is exactly what parents have always done. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm working on slowly (and I mean slowly over months and months) working up from lying together, to sitting next to and holding hands, to siting slightly further away etc so that now I can sit on my own bed (our bedrooms are opposite each other). In the grand scheme of things they're only little for such a short amount of time. And lots of adults sleep better when their partner is lying next to them. In time things will change, you do whatever is best for your family.

You are not alone.

Aww thank you so much for replying. Now I know I'm not alone as I hear so many mum's say that their same age children just go off to bed and yes they can 'mess' about in their bedrooms but then just fall asleep. I've even tried the soft approach and letting her play until she falls asleep in her room but she just comes downstairs lol

@Cheeseballer

I'm literally lying with my 6 year old right now waiting for her to sleep so I watch this thread with interest!

Aww not just me then lol does your daughter want you there all the time like mine xx

@8MinutesToSunrise

Please don't feel bad or stupid. You are neither. For most of human history in most cultures worldwide this is exactly what parents have always done. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm working on slowly (and I mean slowly over months and months) working up from lying together, to sitting next to and holding hands, to siting slightly further away etc so that now I can sit on my own bed (our bedrooms are opposite each other). In the grand scheme of things they're only little for such a short amount of time. And lots of adults sleep better when their partner is lying next to them. In time things will change, you do whatever is best for your family.

Thank you so much for the kind words! How old is your child if you don't mind me asking xx

I'm so glad to have read this. I too have felt mild pressure to stop- I hold my little girls hand until she's fast asleep- normally takes 20 min or so (my daily mumsnet time!!).
The above poster is right tho- they're young for such a short time- I reckon I'll miss it when she tells me she's too old. For now I'll continue and enjoy it!!!

I found finding a reason to pop out for a few minutes worked for us: "Mummy needs a wee. I'll be right back" or "I just need to stir the food on the stove quicklyto stop it burning" etc. At first you quickly do your job and go straight back, but over time you leave it longer and longer. Eventually DC would just drop off and I wouldn't need to return.

DD is also 5.

I've gradually retreated to a chair next to the bed rather than in it with her. That's as far as I've got, but if she's tired enough to sleep it's 15 minutes tops so I just read my kindle while I wait.

Sometimes I can pop off to do something and she'll fall asleep while I'm away, and rarely she does actually go to bed on her own.

We did this till about age 6, shes a few months past 6 now, recently mine has wanted to do what her brother (8) does and have some extra time for private reading when I go to bed. So I do a big snuggle story in bed, a chapter of a really good book, then a prayer & lullaby and a kiss and a cuddle and then she gets 5/10 mins of private reading and she gets to sleep herself, we shout goodnight up the stairs and say lights out, sweet dreams, etc etc. Its really lovely as its always been led by her and I was totally in the lying with them till they fall asleep place for so many years. But then suddenly its gone, so Id say embrace it and enjoy it as it wont last forever and there will be a time when you arent needed.

We do this with our 4 year old. I like having some quiet time lying in a dark room and doing sod all after work is done for the day tbh, and he won’t be little forever.

We have done as a PP said- from DS falling asleep on our lap still at 3.5, then with us lying next to them, then just sitting on the end do the bed and now sitting in a chair in their room. I don’t mind doing this for a while as I can read the news etc and I know then he is definitely asleep and won’t pop downstairs!

Try moving away bit by bit.
Gradually move to sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, them don’t lean on the bed, move away from the bed one step at a time until you’re sitting at the door frame, then outside the door.

Currently sat with my 5 year old too 1 hour after getting her to sleep after a battle and she's woke up again not wanting to go back asleep ... it's hard work!

Don't feel stupid. Lying with my 5 and 3 year old as they go to sleep is my favourite part of the day and I have always done it. But you say you want to stop so I would try the gradual retreat technique of slowly moving to sitting with, sitting by, standing by the door etc.

Watching with interest . . . My 6 year old is the same!

My previously ok going to bed just five year old has just started fussing at bed time now.

'I am hungry'
I am thirsty'
Can I have a cuddle?
Can we sing a song
There is some one at the window
I am scared
I am lonely

We have gone from a 7.15 bedtime story and sleep to me going back up and down till about 8.30pm.

We tried listening Calm kids tonight and she eventually picked one she wold listen too. Maybe try that?

would **

I cuddle DD to sleep! I use the time to look on MN and do some admin bits on phone. I find it quite relaxing (I might have fallen asleep myself once or twice ). So don't feel bad! If it's not taking hours then I'd just reframe it as a nice time to spend together at the end of the day and destress.

I think it’s all about expectations..my daughter is a lot younger (coming up to 2) but I still cuddle her to sleep, which does take about 45 mins! It used to really bother me / make me feel I was doing something wrong as a lot of my friends and family sleep trained but I think it’s totally natural and can see me still doing it when she’s 5, she’s very affectionate and loves cuddles!

The thing is I struggle to settle until my husband comes to bed and when I was single still slept with the hall light on 😂 ..so I can hardly expect a young child to be happy being alone (some of them are but I think it’s pot luck!)

Am the same with 5yo DD. I love it and hate it in equal measure. She always takes much longer when I have things to do. They sense it..
And she comes into my bed every night. I love having her there though. She smells like freshly baked biscuits