Milk Not Come In Yet - Feel Like a Failure

[FeelLikeAFailurePleaseHelp]

My baby is 6 days old, born via c-section at 38 weeks. This was medically necessary and out of my control. I am desperately trying to breast feed my baby, I am under the advice of a birth centre but I keep getting differing advice and feel like an absolute failure. Everytime I think we are making progress I get told to do it differently, as basically I was doing it wrong based on the previous advice. Please Mumsnet tell me some of you have success stories of having your milk come in late and being able to EBF in the end. First Post, many thanks.

I hope you’re doing ok! My baby was born at 32 weeks by emergency section and my milk didn’t come in until day 8 - I was expressing a lot (small volumes) so I never got that “full” feeling but the volume gradually increased. BF didn’t work out for me for a number of reasons (prematurity, tongue tie etc) but I ended up pumping exclusively until 16 weeks so I had the volume. Is there a local lactation consultant you could talk to?

I'm really sorry you feel like this, breastfeeding is tough and I guarantee it's not anything you're doing 'wrong'. It's a learning curve for mum and baby to feed together and sometimes lots of well-intentioned advice and information can leave you feeling overwhelmed and like you've failed in some way. I haven't had c sections/milk coming jater so can't help in that way but just wanted to respond to you.

Also to say that you are in no way a failure - you’re doing everything you can for your baby!

I'd do constant skin to skin (you can get baby wearing tops) and lots of baby head sniffing.

As pp shows it can take up to a fortnight for milk to come in (one of the triggers is the hormones released during labour which is probably why yours is a bit slow).

You should feel really proud that you're persevering 👏

I did. I actually had a pretty straightforward birth but lost a lot of blood so was anaemic and my baby had a terrible latch with tongue tie and my milk didn't come. I was sent to A&E because she wasn't gaining and hadn't done a poo in days and days. I was started on a formula top up plan which broke my heart. I massively overinvested in the idea of EBF in hindsight. This was after being told to feed on a two hourly schedule 24 hours a day and pump after to top up with breastmilk. That (it turns out) is non stop 24 hour feeding which was definitely not conducive to my strong mental health! The turning point for me was the breastfeeding clinic writing a letter to my GP to prescribe domperidone. I can't tell you the joy at my breasts finally swelling. Tongue tie cut helped too. It was a long journey cutting the formula top ups back out but I got there in the end. The big lesson I learned was that there are things that are more important than breastfeeding. Formula in whole or in part is absolutely not a failure.

I'm not sure I can be much help as I had the same experience as you in getting differing advice. I just kept persevering and topping up with formula so she's been combi fed, it was tough and like you I felt like I'd failed.

Which is why I wanted to post and say this: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.

Breastfeeding and looking after a newborn is bloody hard work and you're doing an amazing job my baby is 13 weeks now and I wish I'd relaxed a lot more about feeding at the start.

I'm really sorry you're having a tough time. You have not failed in any way whatsoever. None of us have complete control over our bodies. None. You aren't an exception to this.

You're doing your very best for your lovely baby. I hope your milk comes in soon, as that is what you want, but if supply remains low, your baby will absolutely thrive on formula.

Remember that your hormones will be all over the show at the moment, leaving you feeling tearful, overwhelmed and guilty. Add that to the new responsibility, terrible advice and all the breastfeeding pressure and it's a recipe for feeling terrible. If you can, try and retain a sense of distance from these feelings. They will pass soon.

Hello!

Firstly, absolutely not a failure, whether EBF works out or doesn’t.

My milk didn’t come in until day 10 (emergency c-section, haemorrhage, sepsis, antibiotics etc) and I felt exactly the same as you, despite rationally knowing there was nothing we could have done to predict or prevent the delay. Hormones are crazy - before baby came I was very much like ‘well if breastfeeding works, great, if not, no big deal’, but then when I felt like I couldn’t BF I was much more upset than I expected. All this just to say, I get it

For about 3 weeks ish after she was born latched her basically constantly, did lots of skin to skin, then topped her up with formula while I tried to pump/express after each feed. As I was able slowly to pump more we gave her that instead of formula when we could and by a month we’d dropped the formula and were EBF. Still going strong now at 8 months

It's really stressful isn't it OP. From what I've read, as much skin contact and cluster feeding as possible. I also found expressing easier while looking at pictures of my baby :)

For those with late milk, how does that work exactly? What does the baby drink until it comes in? Is colostrum enough?

I failed at breastfeeding my first due to severe reflux, allergies and lip tie, even though my milk came in on day 3 after my section. I'm expecting my next in January and desperate to breastfeed her. There always seems to be info missing no matter how much you read up at LL league etc, and I don't actually know any mums who breastfed. I'm really anxious.

@TradedAtlanta

I did. I actually had a pretty straightforward birth but lost a lot of blood so was anaemic and my baby had a terrible latch with tongue tie and my milk didn't come. I was sent to A&E because she wasn't gaining and hadn't done a poo in days and days. I was started on a formula top up plan which broke my heart. I massively overinvested in the idea of EBF in hindsight. This was after being told to feed on a two hourly schedule 24 hours a day and pump after to top up with breastmilk. That (it turns out) is non stop 24 hour feeding which was definitely not conducive to my strong mental health! The turning point for me was the breastfeeding clinic writing a letter to my GP to prescribe domperidone. I can't tell you the joy at my breasts finally swelling. Tongue tie cut helped too. It was a long journey cutting the formula top ups back out but I got there in the end. The big lesson I learned was that there are things that are more important than breastfeeding. Formula in whole or in part is absolutely not a failure.

I haven't experienced the same issue as you, OP, and this poster, but this is a great post. Basically, don't beat yourself up, and don't get too tired trying (tiredness is the enemy of good milk production for a start, not to mention your overall happiness).

There's a fundamental urge to nourish your child yourself, but you'll realise in 6 short months that they are starting to eat all kinds of things that don't come from you. Before you know it (and particularly if they are 2nd or later kids), they are shoving down sweeties and pom bears like there's no tomorrow, and you wonder why you were so stressed.

Hopefully you can make a transition or do joint feeding over the next few weeks, but it's so not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Breast feeding is great for convenience and cuddles, but you can get as many cuddles with bottles, and you get a bit more freedom from being the only one stuck under a baby.

Good luck and congratulations on your baby

For milk supply, fennel tea. If you like aniseed (I do!), you'll enjoy it, which is a bonus. I really found it helped me.

Just keep going. Lots of skin to skin. What have you been advised to do at the moment? How is baby's weight and nappies? C Section babies can retain a lot of fluids so often lose weight to start with, so nappies are really helpful to figure out what's happening.

Please don't beat yourself up as I see so much guilt in your post. A C section birth is still a birth, not an easy option and you're persevering with breastfeeding which can take a lot. You're doing a great job, both with safely bringing your baby into the world and doing your best for them now

I had an identical experience and I am now EBF. I had an emergency c section, milk didn't come in for 5 days. I supplemented with formula for several weeks before weaning off due to baby losing more than 10% of birth weight. It's been a challenge but have pumped a lot and taken good care of myself and now still EBF at 14 weeks and baby is healthy. Don't be too hard on yourself: prioritise rest, healthy food, getting for little walks once you feel a little better. Stressing will make it worse. It will happen. Just cuddle your baby often, keep trying and be kind to yourself!

If you supplement with formula while you are waiting for your milk to come in then you should be able to go back to exclusive breastfeeding as soon as your milk comes in - and if the baby appears to be constantly hungry then it is better to start supplementing before the baby becomes jaundiced or loses too much weight. The important thing is to use something other than a bottle (e.g. a cup or syringe or supplemental nursing system) for formula top-ups because once a newborn has had that first bottle it can be very difficult to get him/her back to the breast.

@Ringsender2

For milk supply, fennel tea. If you like aniseed (I do!), you'll enjoy it, which is a bonus. I really found it helped me.

No evidence for this whatsoever, sorry

@Harrysmummy246 fair enough, I found it worked for me though. Certainly won't hurt (unless aniseed is a taste that the OP loathes)

It'll come. Honestly. Just keep feeding and as often as requested. I once had no supply after a hospital inpatient stay, where I was not allowed to feed because of anaesthesia, and it was wasn't easy getting it back, but it did eventually.

Have you had a long hot shower and massage? That’s what did it for me. Sorry if it’s been suggested already.
I didn’t personally choose to breast feed after the milk came in, but my MW said I may need help with it as it can be a bit difficult. That didn’t try to stop DD latching on though!
I know you really want to breast feed, but remember it’s ok if you can’t do it too .

Fenugreek capsules! And way more of them than you think. They make your sweat smell like weed (which might be a bonus, I don’t know) but they work.