Hate being a mum

[firstbabyworries]

Surely I'm not alone in this? Maybe I am. My gosh I love my boy so much and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him but I hate being a mum.
I knew it would be hard but I never imagined it would make me feel like this.
The relentlessness, the exhaustion, the constant anxiety. I look around at other mums and honestly just feel like a complete failure. They all look like they are loving it and breezing through it. What am I doing wrong?
My boy is struggling to sleep at night and last night I just cried while holding him, feeding him, holding his hand. After 2 hours I just felt so overwhelmed and asked him what the heck is wrong with you. I didn't hurt him and even raise my voice but I felt instantly guilty. Why can't I figure this out? My DH is fab and able to settle him. What's wrong with me?
Will I ever enjoy it? There are times when we are playing or talking(he's 9 months so it's babble) that I absolutely love, but I just seem to get overwhelmed so quickly and feel as if I'm going to lose my rag.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this

hi OP, it does get easier but some mums find it super tough. I would get assessed for PND, speak to your HV or GP and get any support you can.

I agree with the PP. Go to your GP and tell them how you feel. You're exhausted and anxious - that might be normal or you might have PND. Your GP will be able to help determine which it is.
If your DH can settle your baby, then let him. Sleep is the number one priority when DCs are small - for parents and babies.

The first year is so tough OP. Everything seems worse when they're not sleeping well. It will get easier I promise. Hang in there.

It’s very tough OP, you’re not a failure. I feel the same way about motherhood tbh. I absolutely adore my children and feel lucky to have them everyday of my life, but my god it’s so exhausting. Mine are 4 and 18 months. 4yo is full of attitude and doesn’t listen to a word I say, while 18mo is akin to a tornado. Together they bicker constantly and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry most days 🤦🏻‍♀️

I was diagnosed with PND when my youngest was tiny and the medication did seem to help, but tbh part of me always thought it wasn’t actually depression, I just don’t enjoy so many aspects of parenting. It is definitely more enjoyable as they get slightly older though, my 4yo doesn’t need to be watched every second of the day and that allows a bit more freedom (when the 18mo isn’t around that is 😅). I’m hoping once my eldest is at school next year and I don’t have both kids around on the same days (I work P/T so am home with them 2 days a week), it might be a bit easier 🤞

Also just to add that neither of my children slept well (at all!) until they were 9/10 months and now they both sleep through the majority of the time and the difference that makes cannot be underestimated. Hopefully this isn’t far off for you.

Hey OP. I resonate with a lot of this. I found having a baby utterly draining and overwhelming and I got very little personal satisfaction from it. I’m not sure I was depressed - I do think PPs are right and you should speak to your GP, but equally it’s okay to just feel like this, without a mental health diagnosis.

My DS is now 1.5 and it’s just so so so much better. He’s still a lot of hard work and toddler tantrums are REAL, but I actually really enjoy my days off with him. We go out and about and do loads of activities and the days zip by, where as when he was a baby they utterly dragged. He now SLEEPS as well, 11h at night and 1.5h during the day without me rocking him or breastfeeding him or anything…it’s taken for him to sleep properly to realise how awful the sleep deprivation was. It was at its worse from about 6-10 months.

Do you have any plans to go back to work? I’m a much better parent for working 3 or 4 days a week (depending on the week). I’m not remotely ashamed by that.

It didn’t suddenly get better for us so I can’t promise you miracles, but every passing month since about 13 months has just got better and better, personally. Toddlers get a bad rep and don’t get me wrong, they can be frustrating little jerks, but personally this stage is has been so much more enjoyable compared to the baby days.

You are not a terrible parent, you are just struggling. Everyone has different bits they find hard and difficult. For some reason it just seems a bit taboo for that to be the baby stage.

You cannot think straight or enjoy anything on little/ broken sleep- accept that, trust it will get better- and tell yourself over and over again.

OP, it's the sleep and exhaustion. It ruins everything. You cannot be a functioning human being when you have such a lack of/ broken sleep.

It will get easier. But you must not question your capability, or compare yourself to anyone. We are all facing different things.

I'm pretty sure if my kids slept through the night I would of been perceived as a better mum. But they are loved and cared for and that's good enough.

Reading these replies has made me realise maybe I'm not alone. I think I'm just overwhelmed and exhausted. I do hope it gets better, I love DS so much and want to enjoy him more rather than feel anxious about my days with him.
I am going back to work in the next 6 weeks, to a different job which is probably adding to my anxiety but the job is more flexible and less hours and less stress so in the long run way better.
Thank you ladies 💙