Can't function with dh in the house

[thechaseison]

I have a 6 month old and 20 month old with dh who is an amazing father. But he is WFH full time now and I feel like in the day I can't be productive or get on with my normal routine or be present and active with the kids because he's either sat at the kitchen table or in the bedroom working. It's weird, like he's not talking to me that much because he's working, he can do the odd bit here and there with the kids if I'm really struggling so it shouldn't be an issue but it just is? I much prefer it on the odd occasion when he has to go into the office. Why the hell is this? I love him a lot and after work we get on great and he helps as much as he can with the kids then we try and relax together and chat before bed. It's like his presence in the day time when im trying to do (effectively) MY full time job stresses me out? Anyone else the same?

If he's in another room I don't see the problem. Maybe ask him to stick one room in particular if it bothers you that much.

Not sure why it stresses you out, personally wouldn't bother me if DH was WFH.

I totally get it, same situation here. DH is working up in our bedroom 2 days a week (an improvement as it had been full time for more than a year) and I too feel I can’t just get on. I’m aware of the noise our toddler makes so I don’t give her free roam of the house as I’d like, we tend to stay in the front room even though the noise of his phone calls and bloody creaky desk chair drives me mad. It’s hard not being able to go into the bedroom to, eg, put washing away, so it extends my chores into the evening too. When he’s not here it just feels more relaxed. Not his fault at all, but full time back in the office can’t come soon enough for me.

I actually really understand this although I think I know why it stresses me out.
When I am at home with my 1 year old and DH is out at work, I know it is all on me. When he is home and working, even if in one room (albeit he usually moves around a bit), something inside me feels like I need his help which I know is completely ridiculous.
I hardly ever post on here but this just resonated. I probably haven’t got that across in the best way.

Oh and he paces around on the phone which too drives me slightly mad and has my DD trying to climb up the stairs non stop…

You’re not alone. My DH was in the office all last week and it was easier being on my own with my 3yr old and 3 month old than it has been pretty much the whole time he’s been WFH. He’s a great dad and does all he can for the house/kids on his breaks but it is just easier not having someone working in parts of my house and me trying to balance my home against his work space. I think it doesn’t help in our house because we no longer have an extra room for him now that second DC is here. Didn’t plan out forever home around a long term WFH situation.

*our

I feel exactly the same as you op. It's much easier for me to look after the baby and effectively get on with the day when my DH is gone for the day rather than WFH.

I totally understand, it just feels weird. I don't know what the answer is, maybe put music on and also plan your day in advance so you just get on with it rather than thinking about it.

I get it too. I feel like I am waiting all day fir him to finish work so that we can get on with things together. When he's in the office I get on with things so that there's less to do when he gets home!

Totally irrational, sounds offensive to say it out loud, but absolutely how it is

We've had a clear boundary since DH started WFH back when the pandemic started (DD was 2yo). His office is the bedroom, I don't come in and out, I keep the kids out, he doesn't work in the rest of the house, that's our space. Normal calls he manages with headphones but any really important ones he tells me about in advance and I usually take the kids out so he's got quiet.

We were very focused on keeping life as normal as we could for DD (and DS when he arrived) so he's very much out of sight, out of mind. It is a bit weird especially now he's back in the office some days because I forget he's here!

I totally get it OP. My DH works away 2 days a week and honestly those are the easiest days for me as I know it's 100% on me to get us all up and out of the house then home, bath, bed, housework. Days when he's at home are nicer, but harder as there's always an underlying current of who is doing what and the discussions about the logistics are more difficult than just doing it myself!

I'd stop him from working in the kitchen - that's not a good dynamic for any of you, you need to be able to relax when you're at home without worrying about his work and disturbing him.