Feeling sad about returning to work and worried about nursery

[Fleetw00d]

I'm due to go back to work full time in a few months, around Feb, and I'm starting to feel really sad about it. I'm loving maternity leave, my baby is super chill and in general a dream, I'm still breastfeeding and loving it. (I keep asking my partner to let me be a housewife but to no avail haha!)
I speak to my manager a work, I'm an Executive Assistant and my boss is lovely but full on, and since I've been on leave two of my maternity covers have left, one after only a week or so because she couldn't work with my boss. I'm now dreading my return because it just sounds like a shit show haha. I previously worked very well with my boss so i do think the thought of it will be worse than the reality. I'm also lucky to be able to return quite flexibly, 2 days at home with my mum looking after my baby but I'm still seeing her, and 3 days in the office which is directly opposite the nursery.
Despite being a pandemic baby my daughter is not super clingy and is quite happy with other people if I'm not there, but I've not actually left her for any great length of time, even with her dad. Not for any reason, just because I've never had to. My dd will be 11 months or so when i return, the nursery is a fantastic one and I'm lucky enough to get it subsidised with my work. My head tells me she'll be fine and probably quite enjoy it, but I'm just worried about strangers looking after her! Also do I need to wean her off breastfeeding by then, or could I provide a lunchtime bottle of expressed milk and still breastfeed before and after nursery?

I think I'm just feeling sad about it all changing, and would love to hear some positive return to work and nursery stories.

I have no advice about the breastfeeding unfortunately but just wanted to say I'm in exactly the same position.
My LO is super clingy though and screams at being left with anyone else. I need to start trying to leave her with parents soon as they're helping out with childcare when I go back to work. Even the thought of going back really stresses me out.
Hope it goes well for you

Does the nursery offer a settling in period? Where you can go together and then over the course of a week or two you slowly leave her on her own there?

@WheresMyCycle it does I believe, my line manager has had two kids there and has given me the run down. But I'm yet to get myself sorted with it all.
@MissLC hope it goes well for you!!

You can still express and provide it for nursery no problem.
Work should give you a safe and private place at work in order for you to pump and store milk.
Settling in sessions do whilst your still off and I would also try and get her first few weeks there whilst your off. Settling in sessions work great but I also found the first couple of weeks hard dropping off.
They cry but once they are in they soon forget.
Otherwise it's totally normal how your feeling.
It takes awhile for you both to adjust to your new routine etc.
Basics I would start with now, leaving her with someone for an hour and gradually build it up.

Hi OP, my baby is currently 5 months old and I’ll be going back to work full time in the new year (have a phased start to build back up to full time). Similar to you I’ll do 2 days a week wfh and my mum will have baby 1 day too.

I went round the nursery again recently and had all sorts of feelings. I was also quite sad at the thought of it all. It’s going to be such a huge change for DS.

For me though I really enjoy my job. I trained for a very long time to do what I do and though I love looking after DS I miss using my brain, and my hands! I get draw 😄

I’m going to see how it goes. I think I need to try it to find out if it works or not. If I need to go part time thats a conversation I’ll have later down the line.

My DS is breastfed and won’t have long started solids when he goes to nursery, I absolutely plan to carry on breastfeeding. I’m going to pump at work and give it to the nursery for him. There’s lots of resources about pumping at work out there because it’s so normal in the US where women go back to work much sooner. Mumsnet is also brilliant for helping you figure out the logistics. I’ll also feed him in the mornings and evenings

Could you start leaving your LO with your mum a bit more? Maybe in a phased way to get you all used to it? Maybe do a KIT day or half day with work as a practice run to see how you feel?

@Fleetw00d I'm exactly the same as you. Was due to go back in Feb.

I wasn't eager for my little one to go nursery. I was sorted to return three days a week but with commute I knew it would be 7-6 at least without seeing her.

So I decided to ask work if they could do flexible working. Out of hours...evenings / weekends or maybe odd afternoons remotely.

They said the business can't do this. So I handed my notice in today with no hard feelings! Decided to find something that I could do outside of 9-5. Meaning save money on nursery. Spend more time with her.

As long as I can earn enough to cover bills I figured it's worth it.

Therell always be a job. The early months of babies lives will fly!!!

It's not for everyone. But thought I'd mention it in case it's something you could consider!

I dreaded going back to work, but it was fine. We settled into a routine really quickly. I was still breastfeeding when I went back (DD was around 9 months). The nursery were perfectly happy for me to express but to be honest it seemed like too much hard work as I was rubbish at it. I just used to send the pre-made bottles of formula. Sometimes she’d drink it, sometimes she wasn’t fussed (she was a really good eater though). We’d have a long feed in the morning and when I got home, and we continued to feed at night until she was about 20 months. I worried so much about it all and it worked out fine.

If your office is directly opposite the nursery then surely you can walk over to the nursery to breastfeed your baby during the day?

Most people feel like this and it sounds like you have had a lovely maternity leave.
The way I looked at it, it wasn’t voluntary work I was doing, I had to go back to work.
It sounds like you have to too.

Your set up sounds great so you have that to be thankful for.
You will still get annual leave and holidays, and you have done the job before. It will be ok.

You know I was the same. I got pregnant again
So I was off on maternity

By the time our second baby arrived I was glad to go for work for the social element and my lunchbreak

Jokes aside.. can you go part time?
You know your baby will really benefit. Speech and social skills.

Most of all just enjoy these days. I absolutely loved my maternity leave.

Ah thank you so much everyone for all those pointers and positive stories!
@Crumblinginside I can't really go part time as the min I could do would be 3 days but would have to be in the office so I think with doing 5 days but 2 at home with her it keeps my salary and I still have the same amount of office time. However if it doesn't work I will look into it more and perhaps try do some freelance virtual assistant stuff in the evenings

@seaborgium I'm going to ask the question when I go and see the nursery, but just worried that if she sees me but it's not home time she might get upset, but if it was her routine from the get go then maybe ok! Not sure, will chat to the nursery. Thank you!
@PinkPlantCase I think I'm going to have to start that, thank you for that. Maybe I'll get my mum to start Mondays early and use my child free days to get a massage haha! It really is so bittersweet isn't it, seeing them grow up from tiny babies. But it's so good for them, I do keep telling myself that. My friend is a reception teacher and said it's so clear the kids who went to nursery and those who didn't as they learn so much at nursery and pre school. But still knowing all of this i know I'm going to be a complete wreck haha.

I've returned to work with bf babies at around 11m twice. I wouldn't bother expressing for nursery, DC will quickly adapt to bf more in the evenings at that age (make sure you're prepared for it though).

Also be aware that separation anxiety becomes a thing around 11m so don't assume it'll be easy just because DC is fine with being left now. They will get used to it but it makes setting in sessions really important.

If you can I'd get a cleaner, robot hoover etc and anything I could to make sure my evenings and weekends are spent as family time not housework time.
Good luck

I just got back to work full time from mat leave (which I absolutely loved!). My son is 12 months and is going to nursery full time. I was really worried about the whole thing, but it's fine. He settled in ok in nursery already, although we are just 3 weeks in. The worst bit is all the illnesses he brings from there! I breastfeed as well, and I just dropped the day time feeds, and he feeds in the evening/night. I still have to do a quick pump for comfort in the middle of the work day, but the supply is adjusting now. He is not the world's greatest eater, and going to nursery actually really helps him with eating solids. Must be all the peer pressure of seeing other babies do it!

It will be fine, promise.

I started back at work a few weeks ago and I was dreading it! Cried most the week before. But you know what? It’s fine. My 9mo seems to love his time at nursery and I’ve not burst into flames at work either.
Sure, I’d rather be at home most the time and I do miss him but it’s nice to work my brain a bit and actually eat my lunch in peace 😊

You can continue breastfeeding when she is with you, and you don't need to pump, or give her expressed milk or formula. At that age she should be fine with solids and water in your absence. That's what my baby had when I left him at around that age as I couldn't stand pumping.

It's totally your choice and you might want to express (also you may find you need to for comfort in the beginning)- but I'm saying here because there seems to be a myth you have to and it's not true - I worried about it too. What you might find is that your baby feeds more on your return in the evening. Your baby is old enough to tell the difference between you being there and not there so will adapt to not having breastmilk in your absence.

Good luck with returning to work.

My 10 month old had been at nursery now for 6 weeks and adores it. He’s sleeping so much better cos he’s busy & he practically dives out of our arms when he sees the building.

I express and send him in with 7-8 Oz across two bottles but will stop that when he turns one. It’s just more comfortable for me to express.

I enjoy being me again at work and having time to use my brain again. I really appreciate the time I do have with him more & we cuddle and play more “intensely” than when I was on mat leave.

My situation is almost exactly the same OP, even down to childcare setup. I'm really nervous too. Could posters who have gone back in similar circumstances talk a little about naps? Did any of your babies contact nap before nursery?

@BookFiend4Life DS was either a contact napper or would lie in bed next to me, but never on his own in his cot.

For the first week, he napped in their little swing chair, but since then, they have had him sleeping twice a day in his cot.

Similarly he never took a bottle at home, but they had him drinking all his milk out of one by week 3.

My DD was a nightmare for naps. She either fed to sleep or I had to push her back and forth in her pram. Nursery workers are magic. They started off putting her in a pram but within a few months she was lying on the little mats and dropping off with the rest of the children.

I continued breastfeeding mine when they were in nursery. I didn’t need to express and she was offered cows milk in nursery which she rarely accepted. I co slept and found that she fed more at night to compensate but I was able to sleep through the feeds.