Going from 1 to 2..

[Yahyahs22]

With small age gap.
My first born will be almost 2 when this one is born. Please tell me what it's really like going from 1 to 2 with this small of a gap. I'm so excited but I'm also really nervous hearing some stories of friends...

Small age gaps can be tiring but once you have routines in place it's not too bad.

We had an unintentional 5 year gap (lost 2 between) with our 1st 2, eldest struggled with jealousy and hit ds a couple of times so I had to take him everywhere with me. 2 & 3 had a 16.5mth gap and was so much better, they were adorable together though they fight a lot now at almost 11 & 9. 3rd adjusted well to the addition of twins a couple of months before she turned 3yr so that's a reasonable gap too. Our latest baby thectwins were close to 6.5yr and that gap has been fine too. May well be more of a personality thing than age gap thing tbh, eldest was 1st child and grandchild on both sides so no sharing of attention and a bit spoilt (my parents still spoil her more than the others).

I have a similar age gap. DS is 6 weeks and DD is just over 2.

Honestly, I’m finding it difficult, but its early days and we’re all still trying to adjust.

Looking after a baby is much easier than I remembered, it’s the toddler that’s hard work. I think a lot of how easy/difficult it is depends on the behaviour of the older child. My DD was always quite ‘spirited’ but has been particularly difficult to manage in the last few weeks. I think a lot of it is her trying to get attention so I’m trying to spend one on one time with her when DH is around, and to heap praise on the good behaviour/ignore the bad behaviour.

A sling/carrier is absolutely essential. The baby cries when I put him down so the only way I can do mealtime, bedtime, etc with the toddler is to carry him in the sling. He also goes in the sling if we go out anywhere, and the toddler goes in the pushchair or on her reins.

I think it’s the same as getting used to having one baby though. It all feels really difficult at first but you gradually adapt and find ways to manage it.

Is your older child in childcare at all? DD is 3 days a week and it’s great to have that time just me and baby. I think having them both full time would be really difficult.

I am in the midst of small age gap life right now 🥲. My oldest is 17 months and my youngest 2 months.

Now every child is different so this is just our life:
Toddler spends all of the time I’m with the baby trying to slap him in the head. I try distracting which works 50% of the time. The toddler cannot be left around the baby at all, under any circumstances, not even allowed to hold anything near him otherwise it’ll be launched full pelt at his head or if he’s feeling friendly pushed in his mouth. Toddler regressed a bit sleep wise when the baby arrived, back to sleeping 11 hours straight through now and a 2 hour lunch time nap.

Baby: silent reflux, colic and generally pretty miserable about being here. It’s improving but for the first 6 weeks if he was awake he cried, toddler would be seem holding his ears and crying too. Can’t put the baby down, anywhere, we have prams and chairs and various places we used to put our first but now we have two none are safe because the toddler can reach or throw things at the baby. So the baby lives on my hip or on something if sleeping and I am playing with toddler.

They both poop at the same time, they both need food at the same time, they both need to nap at the same time (obviously I have no control over this it’s just how it lands.. every day).

So that means someone is always waiting in a dirty nappy, crying. Someone is always waiting hungry, crying. Someone is always waiting tired, crying.

It’s more chaos that I ever imagined, or anyone could explain to me, I think.

But things that make life easier:
Cleaner to do bathrooms and kitchen and dusting weekly, it’s only a few quid.
Nursery 2 mornings a week for the toddler, I don’t have to worry about entertainment on these days because lots of energy is burnt here.
Long pram walks just after baby has had food, the toddler doesn’t even mind being strapped in and just chats away having a look about.
Different toys upstairs so we can go on an adventure to a different floor, with fresh new toys.
Family/help around when it all gets too much, and it will, sometimes, and that’s ok. Just acknowledge the stressful hour/afternoon and then reset when they’re in bed and enjoy the new day tomorrow.

It is so incredibly hard, but they are both my favourite people. They both make me smile like nobody else. It doesn’t matter that it’s hard because next week it’ll be a new phase and something else to tackle, it’s exciting.

Thanks for your replies.
No my son isn't in nursery but thats something I have been thinking about lately.
I'm worried about how tired I am now, and how much worse it's going to be when the baby comes! I don't know how I'm going to get any sleep.
I also worry about one on one time with both of them. But hearing both those responses have really helped me thank you, I'll be getting a sling ASAP!

It was fine, I should have bought a double buggy immediately not struggled for 6 weeks though. I got a second hand city mini double and it’s been brilliant

I second the advice on slings and the main difference I found between 1 and 2 was I was less nervous. I'd never have made a cup of tea while holding 1, 2 was no big deal.

The best thing you can do is a little organisation, wipes and muslins in each room, nappy area with everything you need, going outside stuff in a contained area. You don't want to be running around the house gathering things with two of them.

Also toddler proof everything as much as possible with toys in each area. It massively reduces stress if you don't have to constantly hover over the toddler while dealing with the baby.

18 months between mine, youngest is 4 months.

It's bloody hard. Especially at the beginning but it's already easier.

Organisation is the key. But you will find your feet with this!

And without a doubt pregnancy tiredness is a whole different story to newborn tiredness!! My energy levels are far greater now even with the lack of sleep! Pregnancy is brutal!!!

If funds allowed I would definitely have a cleaner and send toddler to nursery twice a week. But unfortunately that's not an option for us!

Get as much help as you can early days. I didn't because I thought I had to learn how to do it on my own.
But the early days are so hard but I promise it gets easier so you won't need help forever!!!

Lower your expectations with regards to the house & don't worry about screen time!!!

These have been more help to me than people in my life! I just get how awful it is and how tired I'll be and to enjoy life now etc..
Genuinely so helpful, thank you

Op , it will be tough but as a mum of 3 dcs it massively pays off, my dh and I are sat drinking coffee, reading while our dcs play together.
Definitly get a sling, my first baby was v v chilled but my 2nd was v v refluxy and unsettled so sling was a lifesaver. Mine last two were all pretty bad sleepers until a lot older , years not months ... so i was a fckn wreak for years but i love having 3. Its fab seeing them play together.

@elvis4nuts this is very nice advice but sometimes that help doesn't exist, i have a huge family and in the ten years of being a parent no one has ever helped ever, mum wouldn't watch them for 10 mins. Ive brought kids to dental appointments etc etc. My dh are very 50/50 so we swap over , give each other support but "getting support or help" wasnt and isn't an option. Could be different for the op.

I'm fortunate in the help around me for sure. I always feel so bad meeting mums who have to do everything themselves, my MIL, sister, SIL are fantastic and always want DS. They've all said they'll have either or both when needed. I'm not going to do what I die first time round and pretend I can do it all and struggle.behind closed doors, I've learned many lessons with my first thats for sure!

1-2 with that age gap was absolutely fine.

It was 3 under 5 that nearly killed me off

That's amazing op, I can't even imagine what a difference help would be! You will be fine and your dc will have a playmate in the future, best of luck

A 2 year gap is pretty standard isn't it?

I have 13 months between mine. No nursery, no help, just me. It was exhausting but totally doable.