Child seeking praise

[twocandlelady]

Is this something I should have concerned about?

My child will for example create many many items and show me every single one asking mummy do you like my …? can I show you my … that I made?

This is ok although I won’t pretend it doesn’t get a little tedious after I’ve seen twenty of the same things in different colours! I always saw oh that is beautiful, that is lovely.

Is this a sign a she is lacking in some sort of confidence? She needs reassurance from me? Or quite normal?

She is 9, almost 10.

I wish mine were like that to be honest. I have two DDs and I'm constantly encouraging them to make things, write...create...and they do very occasionally but they don't give a bugger what I think about it!

I think it's a good thing. She's keen to achieve. She wants validation. Is she very creative? Do you spend much one to one time with her?

Honestly I've no idea and it sounds like a tough problem but I'll just throw some thoughts out there in case any are useful... Here goes!
Maybe just wants the attention, can you find something that you are both interested in and do it together? Eg baking, etc.
Also you say you won't pretend it's not getting tedious but you also say they are lovely etc, this sounds like a mixed message, are you honest with he about your feelings or do you think her feelings take priority over yours?
I would say remember your feelings are as important as hers and you can model expressing your feelings, it's possible she's picked up that some feelings are not ok to express and is trying to get her needs met in this confusing way.
Perhaps she doesn't feel able to say I'm bored or id like to do something together or whatever?
Hope some of that sparks an idea, and good luck

That sounds very normal to me. Does she have a sibling? It’s sometimes a way of saying look at me, look at what I can do, aren’t I the best!
And yes it does get tedious sometimes- I often say, wow, so many, why don’t you pick out your three favourite ones and come and show me.

Are the creations lovely? Some children go through this phase and as a teacher we would provide a specific response rather than a stock answer, as children do pick up on the internal apathy. Eg love that shade of blue/the use of the word X/ the way you drew that tree. 'It's lovely' is an absent minded response. Seeking praise in itself is not a bad thing, but if she gets it and still wants it, I would suggest that what she got didn't hit the spot.

As a teacher I also agree with the pp about giving more specific praise. Also I think at 9yo she is old enough to be able to handle a conversation along the lines of 'enough!'. If a 9yo was constantly getting out of their seat at school seeking praise, they would know soon enough to stop!

I think this is completely normal for this age.

Can you say pick your favourite one to show me, and yes about the specific praise rather than generic looks good!

Start saying some different responses.
I think it's nice she wants to show you everything she's done, yeah it can be tedious but your her biggest cheerleader.

Yes, try being more specific and prompt hher to be more self-evaluative.
'I prefer the way you did X on the first one because...'
' Which one do you like most / think you have done best at?'
' Can you lay them out in order from the one you like most / thinknis best, and We'll see if I think the same?'
'I'm busy at the moment, but I will look at everything you have made at 6pm. Why don't you set up an exhibition for me by then and you can show me round?'

Wow these posts are fantastic! So helpful and have put my mind at ease a little.

Apologies made myself unclear at one point. I mean I won’t pretend on this post that it’s not tedious. I do pretend to her that it isn’t. Although once or twice I have snapped a little and said along the lines of ‘it’s (insert positive word here) just like all the others you’ve show me’. Which is completely wrong of me I know and I feel terrible about it. That’s my fault for allowing it to get to the point where it’s too much.

A few people are saying give more specific praise and it sounds similar to what I read in The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read last night after I posted this. It was saying something such as to comment on/praise the effort etc rather than just the outcome. It’s tough though. When you’ve looked at 20 of the same item and the only difference is the colour! I’m going to try really hard to do this though.

I feel that she is needing something from me and I’m going to make a conscious effort to give her what it is she needs. She has a sibling and one evening per week the sibling will be out for a spell and I can spend some quality one on one with her and get involved in an activity with her rather than her having to come looking to me for praise for something she is doing alone.

I think I’ve created a rod for my own back though at times because maybe I have been overzealous with my oohs and aahs in the past and she’s now seeking that out.

Thanks folks!

Can I ask what it is she's actually making if it's 20 of the same? Just curious. I mean...if it's twenty pictures of the same flower then yes, that's hard to deal with but if it's 20 different stuffed toys...then you're being a bad parent!

And re the one to one....if she's only getting one evening where she has your undivided attention, well that's not enough.

If you can, you need to give her some every single day. Half an hour is enough.

You could even ask her to self assess her own work, and write down what she is proud about each thing she makes and then you tick if you agree…!

Thanks for coming back and You weren't unclear to me, i understood that you were hiding your own feelings on the basis that hers over ride yours, which i think is wrong and also a bad example to set to her (as clearly your real feelings do leak out as they inevitably do)
There's nothing about having feelings that makes you a terrible parent, the thing that is a problem is not modelling how to communicate and deal with your difficult feelings.
You don't have to have all the answers, you can just say this is a bit tedious, but i do want to spend time together but I'm busy now, let's plan something together. Which it does sound like you're doing.
I guess my main point is don't feel like you shouldn't have feelings as it will rub off on her and you don't be doing any favours in the long run.
Good luck and take care!