Dad marriage problems

[garden4569]

I'm struggling. Been with husband for 22 years , this last year has been pretty shit and I'm feeling we are still struggling and the communication is just not right.

He's now out with our 17 year old after my 17 year old has finished work at 2pm and he's taken him in the piss. 17 year old has had no food, I just feel dad is immature in his relationship with drink
.

I rang my 17 year old and yes, dad is pissed.

I'm annoyed and just feel his unhealthy relationship with booze is turning me off and it annoys me that he's out with my son and my son is in the position if responsibility.

I've missed out so many things in this post but I bearly now where to start or finish here.

So now they are home and 17 year old is white, sick and in bed having eaten nothing. I'm so fucking angry.

Right, let me get this straight. A grown man has taken his 17 year old son out to get them both drunk. Steaming drunk. Is that right?

I would lose my shit over this.

Yes that's right. Fucking irrisponsible arsehole

I too would lose my shit.

Not because your ds has been drinking. 17 year olds will do. But because your husband exploited his own child to satisfy his own alcohol needs. He wanted to go out in the lash and used your ds as a drinking buddy. Fucking inexcusable.

I would do nothing tonight. No point. But tomorrow morning I would be telling my H to pack a bag and leave for at least a few days to give me time to think. I wouldn't be able to look at him, I would be so angry.

He used his 17 year old son as a drinking buddy ?
Kick his irresponsible arse out of the house.

So today my H says it's my fault that we argued. That he came home happy having had a great time bonding with son.
That there was no problem. I antagonised him and should have waited rather than creating an issue.
. Also that he is now going to be an ostrich and does not want to talk about it.

@garden4569

So now they are home and 17 year old is white, sick and in bed having eaten nothing. I'm so fucking angry.

Do you mean 7 rather than 17?!!!

Because at 17, I’d expect him to be the master of his own appetite and diet and consumption

Not reliant on his daddy

Seriously OP

At 17 if your son was hungry and he’s also got a job

Surely, surely he could have got himself some food?

Gosh, now you put it like that, you are so right😐. I must be mad for being cross about this atall, stupid me and stupid 17 year old. It's clear now it's my kids fault and not a hopelessly infantile parenting move from my other half 🤨 Thankyou for your clarity, insightful and constructive comments. 🙌
FFS... My husband is the adult. He's the one with the money and he's the one leading the evening. As far as I'm concerned it's his responsibility entirely.

Goodness, you sound like you’re on the edge of a nervous breakdown!

I honestly thought maybe a typo, because I still can’t see why the 17year old couldn’t buy himself a sandwich and a packet of crisps if he was hungry.

But perhaps I’m missing something! Either way, I’ll leave you to stew.

And you said your son had finished work at 2pm

So again, I made the assumption that he was paid for working and wasn’t reliant on your husband “with the money”

What daft assumptions

A 17 year old that buy himself lunch
A job that pays money

You are right there. You did make daft assumptions.

It all depends on context, nearly all of which is missing from your posts. If they as after and son decided that they wanted to watch the football or rugby in the pub and got a bit drunk then that is different to just necking pints in a rush to get home drunk by 20:00 then that is a bit different. If your son wanted to be out with his dad drinking that is also very different to feeling pushed into it.

Your 17yo should also be capable of saying no, but may overestimate his own drinking ability, as might his father. He will be eighteen in less than a year, would it make any difference at that point?

You need to break down why you are angry so you can have a proper discussion with your husband. Are you angry because he got drunk? Are you angry because your son got drunk? Are you angry because your husband allowed your son to get drunk? Are you angry because your husband regularly gets incredibly drunk? Are you angry because they didn't tell you first? Are you angry because they didn't eat? Yes it is a bit irresponsible, but one is a grown man, the other is almost a grown man, without a wider context it seems far from the end of the world.

Hang on, I don’t think @Oftenithinkaboutit is being completely off the point here.

Now, I agree that your husband shouldn’t have taken his 17 year old son out as a drinking buddy. I agree that he shouldn’t have got him pissed.

But they were out, presumably in places that served food, so I don’t think it is beyond the pale to expect a 17 year old to be able to say that they are hungry and then, especially if they’re earning money, to get themselves some food.

A seventeen year old who is competent enough to hold a job should be able to manage getting something to eat. Your husband is a separate problem entirely.