really struggling with my confidence with 2 kids

[Butterflyy20]

i've recently had a baby and i have a 2 year old, recently out of nowhere it's become really hard for me, i just feel like such a failure, i lose my temper with my toddler and feel awful. i feel like i don't spend half as much time with my toddler. i just feel rubbish. i feel so lucky to have them both but it's so hard to balance everything! i hope it's not the start of pnd but i reckon it's just tiredness and being overwhelmed? anyone else feel this way? feel so alone

I think that's normal. I have a 7 month old and a 4 year old and constantly feeel like I'm doing a mediocre job at parenting (at best). I'm normally a capable and confident individual but it's hard to adjust to having two. I tell myself that it will surely get easier...

@DoubleHelix79 i hope so, it's so hard and on top of it all feeling guilty about your parenting is tough

It is really tough.

I don't know if it's what you are looking for, but I found How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen really useful at that stage, it helped me to keep my temper. There is an audiobook you can listen to when feeding baby or something.

Also, have a special time at the weekend when dad takes baby out and you play with toddler. It makes a world of difference.

Also, don't know if it is helpful, but I found some things I could play with toddler while feeding baby. For example, cafes. Ordering drinks and stuff and she'd bring them to me on the sofa. Or storytelling, so just tell an easy story like the Three Little Pigs, off the top of your head, you can make it as long or short as you need. And if you need to talk to the baby to sooth it, tell it stories about how awesome your toddler is. Maybe tell the toddler stories about when they were born, or were a baby.

And if course if you ar worried about PND, reach out to your doctor. It can't hurt. x

@adaptiveness you're amazing thankyou, i'll look at those! he's just at that age he knows how to push my buttons and when he's being silly around my baby it just triggers me, my own fault i know but i hate shouting i try and gentle parent as much as i can

Society has never made women feel more guilty about the way they parents than in this current generation - there seems to be a whole industry around it nowadays. You have to work on letting go of the guilt and feelings of failure. Your child has been born into a loving home, in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. They will have opportunities other children can only dream of. Try to put into proportion your perceived failures. Remember there are parents out there who through no fault of their own, can barely feed or clothe their children. You are doing a great job by giving your child a comfortable, loving home. That is enough and if you occasionally have time to give them a hug or read them a book, so much the better! Just get through surviving the newborn period and you will begin to feel human again

When I had my newborn and one year old, I kept my standards very low. eg our whole event for the day was paying a cheque in at the bank. And if it didn't get done, that was fine. In the early days, even fifteen minutes in town to pay a cheque would end up in tears.
Or another outing would be to go to asda to buy strawberries. That would be my only aim of the day.
You'll notice very slowly but surely things get easier. Pop your baby in a sling to protect it from the toddler and remember things change and get easier very quickly.
Good luck

'out of nowhere'? It's not out of nowhere it's having a baby and a toddler! It is hardcore. I am past that now but found it very hard and if there is one thing I would go back and tell myself it'd be 'it's the situation that's hard not you whose not coping'. Be nice to yourself. If you're all alive at the end of the day, job done.

@Seaweedhair i know that's what makes me feel even worse sometimes it's just a bad cycle of guilt! i am very fortunate to be able to provide clothes and a warm home food etc

@Justanotherquestioner i will look into getting a sling i might be able to get some more work done, the house is also a tip  @ThePlantsitter it is so hard, maybe it's because i see people's "perfect" lives that aren't very realistic. it's so nice to know im not alone

As others have said, having a baby and toddler is hard. I found having a third baby with two slightly older kids easier than the baby toddler combo I had with my first two. I found months 4/5/6 of the baby hardest and then things started to get slowly easier.

No. Don't use it to get more work done. Just use it to get peace.
Another tip...baby in sling, toddler in highchair with food so you have 5 minutes to do the kitchen.
You've got this. You'll get there....
By the way, as I write this, my 3 year old is in bed and my 4 year old is at the bottom of the stairs crying because he wants me but doesn't want me to tuck him in. Life evolves. Challenges change. You're doing great even when you don't feel like it

@Justanotherquestioner thankyou so much, it really is the hardest but most rewarding job in the world. some days i feel like superwoman the next the worst mum in the world