Child not applying themselves at school

[Yellow85]

Ok so here goes…my DS (7) has always been a very (very) talkative child. More recently we’ve been getting feedback from school that he’s not getting work completed because he isn’t focusing. His attention span is pretty bad. It’s very frustrating as he is a intelligent boy, so no concerns around deflection based on his ability.

I’m disappointed as he doesn't seem to be responding to the teachers repeated requests to do his work. Today he’s been held back from playtime to finish his work and still it was a slog.

I guess my question is around how to approach a conversation with him about it and expectations. The school are encouraging positive reinforcement - which isn’t my natural style 🙈 I want to get this right - as I need to be able to know whether he’s not paying attention and why, or if we need to be considering ADHD as a possibility.

Does anyone have any advice?

If he's got ADHD a conversation with him about it won't do any good. He'll be physically incapable of what they're asking of him. Schools are generally not set up for neurodiverse kids, however much they say they are.

My advice would be to get him assessed first to see if he does in fact ADHD.

Thanks for your response, sounds like the school are recommending the opposite approach - to try and work with him in his behaviour to determine whether he is physically capable or not.

Thanks for your response, sounds like the school are recommending the opposite approach - to try and work with him in his behaviour to determine whether he is physically capable or not.

You're not qualified to make that assessment. That's what I mean by schools are not set up to support neurodiversity, because their first assumption is that it's just the child being naughty or disruptive.

I have ADHD and if someone had asked me at that age why I did the sort of things I used to do in class, I'd not have known what on earth to say.

I think most schools would try working with the child before assessing for SEN. Is it particular tasks he finds difficult, dull, tiring, complicated? Is he sitting comfortably? Does he need prompting to keep on task, visual or verbal? Presumably you have had his eyesight and hearing checked.

Thanks for your input. I fully agree, the school, nor I, are trying to assess him for adhd but to see if he responds to our approach. Surely the GP/assessment clinician would want to know that?

I’ll speak to our GP also.

@LIZS

I think most schools would try working with the child before assessing for SEN. Is it particular tasks he finds difficult, dull, tiring, complicated? Is he sitting comfortably? Does he need prompting to keep on task, visual or verbal? Presumably you have had his eyesight and hearing checked.

Thanks. Yes we’ve had regular eye test etc and all good from that perspective. He’s really keen when it’s something he’s interested in - but any writing talks he just cannot concentrate on. Obviously I don’t know for sure, but I’m confident it’s not about ability but perhaps lack of focus because it hasn’t triggered his interest. I’m at a loss really.

That being said, it’s a challenge to keep him focused at home too. But not to that extent - nothing more than most kids. He’s doing something else and doesn’t want to stop kind of thing.

The only reason I’ve thought about ADHD is because he literally talks constantly, interrupts and had no patience. All of which is listed as signs.

Have you had feedback like this before OP? Or is it something very new that’s only just started happening in school?

My DS is 5, in year 1, but I suspect he has ADHD. At the beginning of reception I was told he doesn’t always concentrate but “that’s his age”. At the end of reception it all of a sudden wasn’t just his age, and same going into year 1 now. My DS will be given instructions along with the rest of the class, but he often needs it repeating directly to him. I’ve seen him at clubs back in the spring and he is so distracted and fidgety. His clubs have only just allowed parents to start watching again so I’ll be watching with interest!

I do think he may well have ADHD though, but it’s hard to say whether he has problems following instructions at home as he doesn’t really - but it’s very different to being told an instruction in a classroom setting.

What distracts him? Is he talking to a mate and not working or genuinely can’t be bothered. I ask as a teacher - could be a simple swap seats needed before everyone does the ADHD which is a long process of proving or not and managing .

I came on here as the title caught my eye as being ADHD related then as I was reading through it really did strike as "ADHD" before I even got to the end of the OP.

I have ADHD and the bit about "held back from playtime to finish his work and still it was a slog" resonates so much.

ADDitude is a great resource online, www.additudemag.com/category/adhd-add/adhd-in-children/ - take a look for Paretning tips too (I've been going through those lately)

It is hard to explain, but it's like we cannot physically do things. The guilt can eat away at someone with ADHD too. I struggled so much with the remarks of "you could do so much better if you just applied yourself" and "you could do anything you wanted to if you just put the effort in"

Short bursts of activity and newness is what helps keep me motivated.

I would also say, please remember that school has been disrupted due to COVID and is impacting on children. Many are readjusting to expectation and consistency.
If he is 7 now, most of his time in school has been disrupted. Is it that he just needs time to adapt.

@TwittleBee I hope you don’t mind me asking but did you find your ADHD easier to manage with age?

I ask because my DH and I have chatted about the possibility of him having at, as there are a LOT of similarities between my DS and him as a primary school child. My DH had quite poor reports through primary about lack of concentration/laziness etc, but he managed to pull himself together a bit in high school and got perfectly average grades in GCSE and A Level.
He said he suddenly wanted to be good in year 7 onwards and tried harder, although he was still known as a daydreamer. I said I didn’t think this could be ADHD as it’s not something you can learn to manage, but I might be wrong!

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I had a little chat with him today and to be honest I’ve think a lot of it is deflection as he’s saying he can’t concentrate as everyone else is talking to him. I’ve spent some time trying to empower him to ignore or ask them to be quiet until he is finished. Had a good chat about how it’s really worthwhile him finishing work IN school as if it has to come home he might miss out in fun things he wants to do.

He was a bit teary and looked so vulnerable. We both cried. I’m confident he’s not being disruptive but he just so bloody chatty!!!! Literally doesn’t stop. No other signs of ADHD other than this and to be honest whilst he’s always chatted - the school said it’s escalated more recently. They’ve moved him seats already. The poor teacher is very new too…

We’re going to work on supporting him through the next couple of weeks and see how he responds and go from there. I hate the idea of jumping into ADHD mode but right now I’m at a loss. Hoping we’ll see a change in his application.

@Deansgate

I would also say, please remember that school has been disrupted due to COVID and is impacting on children. Many are readjusting to expectation and consistency. If he is 7 now, most of his time in school has been disrupted. Is it that he just needs time to adapt.

Perhaps. It’s constantly been in my mind and then I wonder if I’m making excuses. He’s not had a normal school year yet and the boundaries of school and home have been very blurred. We did touch on this during our chat too.

I’ve also ordered him the focused ninja book from Amazon. And ordered myself the smart but scattered book. Will see if it helps at all.

My ADHD wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, until I became a mum, as that's when the dysfunctioning became so drastic. I just can't seem to do what other mothers manage.

So I'd actually say it got a lot worse as an adult.

I flourished in school really. I got straight A*s at GCSE but I was one of those annoying "naturally gifted" kids. I never did homework unless it was something I found interesting though and my school text books were full of random short stories and doodles rather than class notes.

My grades plummeted at A level though, the lack of structure and varied classes meant I lost all focus.

I've always felt different though, always had constant noise in my head, always distracted and full of new ideas and chatty. But also sound sensitive and have sensory issues.

I'm very aware I'm about to waffle on... if you'd like to know more then I recommend this BBC article www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-59038116.amp

Sorry, I'm not completely sure I'm great to compare! ADHD can present differently in men and women and across different people with ADHD too.

Just remember ADHD is a condition of opposites.

Sorry OP to sort of derail there to respond to @Twounderfive83

Asd could couse similar too. Able to worm hadd when it grips their interest but unfocussed for things that are boring /problems with over stimulation and noise/wanting to talk non stop about their interests.

Twittle I was similar. Sailed as a child as I was bright/didn't need to focus.cstruggling as an adult...

I should also note that he doesn’t have any other issues, no problems sitting still or forgetting. No issues with waiting his turn etc. Just the lack of focus on his schoolwork. I’ve also noticed he’s a massive perfectionists and is very hard on himself if he gets something wrong.

Sounds like me there OP, although I did have small tics (still do) like blinking and leg jigging

Schools are generally not set up for neurodiverse kids, however much they say they are

Sadly, schools are not generally funded/trained for neurodiverse kids, however much they’d like to be.