Sleep deprived and going insane. HELP!

[Doingmybestdad]

I have a 9 month old baby boy.
For several months I have been the full time dad. He doesn’t sleep very well waking maybe 7 times a night for a bottle feed. I get maybe 2 hours sleep all added together. I’m a wreck but hide it well. I just feel ashamed and useless. My blood pressure is through the roof. I constantly feel emotional and I feel so empty inside. I don’t get to see my friends as they live too far away for regular visits. I’ve got a social anxiety disorder which makes things worse. My family works all week so cannot help me. My partner works full time in a demanding job which requires a lot of work after hours too. I clean I cook I drive I look after my baby and take him for walks and baby classes, I also have a family member with health issues which really upsets me. I feel like screaming out HELP ME PLEASE. I just refuse to admit my failure and I hate to feel so weak. Everyone seems to be living their lives and I feel like a ghost.
I don’t know how I’ve survived this long with so little sleep. On top of it all I’ve got insomnia and find it so difficult to drop off. I find myself just waiting to hear him cry and need attention. I find I don’t enjoy things as much anymore too.
Can anyone give me any advice?
I’m scared.

Sorry to hear all of this, you're not alone.
Have a word with your Gp about the insomnia, look in to sleep training your baby, see if there is a nursery or childminder you can book the baby in to for half a day a week or something so that you can have a break, sleep in the day while the baby is napping. Two hours per night is properly dangerous. Can a health Visitor give you any support on why the baby needs so much milk in the night? Seems a lot

Got a appointment with Gp in a week or so.
He’s had a lot of illnesses over the last few months which means he has needed a lot of comforting. I think he has become very attached and needy because of this.
He has about 2 bottles a night which I keep refrigerated as he only likes a bit before he goes back to sleep. But even though it’s a short wake up, I’ve still been woken up and it’s so hard to go back to sleep.
We are trying to get a childminder currently.
Health visitor gave me a sleep training plan but he became ill so had to stop. Only just better again. But the plan we have been given means even less sleep for me as he is not liking being in his own room and not picking him up and just comforting him in the cot does not work.
I do try to sleep while he naps but I can’t drift off.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, if it helps 8-10 months is well known for sleeping difficulties in babies so things might improve soon. I think finding any way to get extra sleep will help improve things for you.

I find listening to an audiobook or podcast can help me drift off and not get worked up about why I’m not asleep already and some days I go to bed at the same time as the baby to maximise sleep.

Others advice here is really good. Is there no way that your partner can help more? They really need to be putting a shift in- even if it's just a couple of nights a week to ensure that you are getting some respite. If you're not coping you need to find ways to share the loads. Could they do one night in the week, and perhaps over the weekend? So that you can catch up on some sleep?

Had horrendous sleep deprivation with my first, genuinely thought I'd die from it at various points. I promise it gets better. Even if you can't drop off to sleep, make sure you rest as much as you can if he's napping or during night time. Even if that's just watching a bit of mindless tv or whatever you find relaxing. I used to put so much pressure on myself to sleep as soon as my son did that it was impossible. The thing that made they biggest difference to me was finding the tiny pockets of time in the day to rest or to do little things to meet my needs and reaffirmed my identity as a person. Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job

Awww OP this sounds really tough. I have a 9 month old as well and sleep training him was a complete game changer. So if you're ok with that (I know it can be controversial advice) I would try again with the plan from the health visitor. If you feel like her plan is too strict or stressful, I found Lucy Wolfe's book the baby sleep solution so so helpful, even just implemented the routine she suggested changed a lot for me.

Sleep training can be tough the first few times but in my experience it gets better quite quickly even though It's so hard to implement in the middle of the night when you're on your knees with tiredness.

You are the complete opposite of weak, raising a baby is bloody hard and you're doing a great job.

Good luck and