Struggling with 6yo

[CheeryCola]

My 6yo is going through a slightly defiant phase. It reminds me a little bit of when I had toddlers tbh, but she is almost 7yo.

She's been quite rude to people. Other adults etc. Shouting that she doesn't like the food they've offered her, when we have talked about it before and she knows she is meant to just eat what she likes and leave the rest and not to give negative feedback at other people's houses.

Today I was getting her ready for school, told her to go and brush her hair and put her socks on, so she started looking for her shoes! I said, I knew where they were and I'd get them out for her while she did hair and socks. So she sort of squared up to me! She's teeny but confident. Wee chin jutted out and a proper glare. I said not to get into my face like that and that it was extremely rude, so she said "I was just coming for a hug".

The problem is I think she's some sort of genius. OK, only when compared to me. But she outsmarts me all the time!

Not sure what to do without being either far too soft or far too hard on her and I'm struggling.

Rejoined mumsnet to ask you wise ones for advice.

Although mine is not rude to other adults generally (just me! 😂)
She can be quite defiant to be and has squared up to me before. She's just 8
Honestly, with her, the best way of dealing with it is more ignoring it or I guess more accurately not getting het up and making this massive deal out of the attitude. I often go I'm not listening to that, I won't be spoken to like that, or I'll calmly wait till she does what I've told her even if she kicks off. Cos with her, if I respond by getting heated, she just gets more angry and more attitude.
But that's just mine and what the best way is with mine
However, I think I would definitely come down harder and give more consequences if she's rude with other adults

Thanks purple. I don't think I make a big thing of it...but I definitely tell her off if she is really being rude. We normally send her to her room for quiet time or say no more screen time. We still do warnings though, and maybe that isn't necessary anymore? She's my eldest, so maybe I'm treating her too much like a younger child, when she really should have a better understanding of what she should be doing at this point.

Glad it isn't just me with a mini bouncer for a dc 😂. Couldn't believe believe squaring up to me! She weighs about 3 stone so it was a bit funny. But obviously she shouldn't be doing it, so I did use my cross voice.

My DS is nearly 6, he hasn’t squared up to me or anything (yet!) but he is mega mega rude. He has been to other adults like your DD, just full of attitude and rudeness. He’s hard work at home too, defiant like yours, negative about everything. Ugh. When does it end! I have no patience with attitude and rudeness, I’m much better dealing at actual tantrums as I recognise it’s a loss of control. But DS and I really butt heads when he is rude and it just makes it worse, creates a cycle. But I can’t bear the idea of ignoring it as…how dare he!

My DD went through this phase—she’s now 8. Now bear in mind the advice I’m about to give I managed to follow myself roughly 50% of the time (she really pushed my buttons!) but I tried to view it as testing boundaries and to kindly and quietly but firmly assert why the behaviour wasn’t acceptable and suggest a different way to behave instead. The kind of voice I used to wince at hearing people use with, say, a 2yo when I would overheard it in the park (you know, “Don’t bite the little girl Torsten, it hurts her. Shall we try and play nicely?”). But by 6yo I think they’re ready to be reasoned with but still too young to really get the effect bad behaviour has on other people, so explaining it to them gently is appropriate.

8yo old much nicer person now but that might have nothing to do with my excellent (!) parenting and more to with the fact she can leave the house/go to activities/play with her friends again.

I remember my son went through a stage like that when he was about 4 and a half, soooo rude it used to make me cringe. An elderly lady gave him a truck for christmas and he told her he hated it. I could have died a thousand deaths.